![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
“Empath” is not a recognized scientific term. Unlike Narcissism or Sociopathy, there are no DSM[1] criteria for “Empath.”
Empathy is a quality that most neurotypical, emotionally-developed people have. That is: the ability to emotionally understand what other people feel, see things from their point of view, and imagine yourself in their place. Essentially, it is putting yourself in someone else's position and feeling what they must be feeling. [2] Narcissists and other people with Cluster B[3] disorders do not have this quality of mind.
As far as the Science Fiction image of a Deanna Troi [4]type person who can physically feel what another person feels, or even somehow “hear” other peoples’ thoughts, that is fiction.
As far as the New Age psychic[5] version of ‘Empath’ goes, that is also fiction, despite the fact that many people do believe in it. Beliefs and feelings do not equal facts.
Yes, there are Highly Sensitive People[6], usually Codependents[7]. Often these are people who grew up in an chaotic or abusive environment and therefore learned to interpret even the smallest changes of body language, tone of voice, or facial expressions in order to try and avoid episodes of abuse or placate their abuser before they lashed out in an abusive episode. People with this kind of early childhood experience will repeat this pattern when choosing adult relationships, unless they get help to overcome these formative traumas. An unhealed HSP or codependent will be a perfect target for a narcissist.
Finally, let me commend you on the very clever observation of who may actually be the one ‘in control’ of the relationship between an ‘Empath’ (codependent) and a Narcissist.
Narcissists are controlling via lashing out, temper tantrums, pouting, rage-outs, and sometimes physical abuse. Their MO is to appear to be ‘out of control’ or just barely controlling themselves so that their targets are quick to try and appease or please them.
The codependent is also controlling, but uses indirect, manipulative, and passive-aggressive means to try and get their needs met or make the other person in the relationship do things without being directly asked.
There is a constant push-pull as the Narcissist and the Codependent, both disordered people, struggle for control of the relationship and one another. Without a great deal of therapy, self-work, and effort, they will not be able to have an authentic relationship with anyone, let alone another person who also has a personality disorder. Authentic relationships between functional adults do not involve a power struggle.
In a way, the Narcissist and the Codependent are ‘perfect’ for one another in that their damage and ways of coping both trigger and complement each other. It won’t be healthy but it may be a long term relationship because it feels familiar and comfortable and both may be able to get what they want using their dysfunctional learned behaviors to manipulate, gaslight & possibly abuse one another. It’s not a great situation for either one, but due to the nature of each of their disorders, it is a common (though unhealthy and potentially mutually abusive) relationship dynamic.
Footnotes
[7]========================
They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.
If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal
And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.
