Quora: Why does the mother of my children who is a covert narcissist not want to be a mother to our

Why does the mother of my children who is a covert narcissist not want to be a mother to our kids?

 

The narcissist does not do anything for anyone but themselves. She probably loved the attention when she was expecting; everyone is kind to pregnant ladies. She may have even enjoyed showing off her new ‘toy’ (the baby) for a while. But then the newness wore off (like it always does with the narcissist’s toys) and she found that the baby had needs that were inconvenient for the narcissist.

To a narcissist, other people are tools or threats. There is nothing else there. There is no kindness, no empathy, no recognition that other people have feelings and needs. There is only the narcissist and what she needs—attention, praise, drama, sympathy—”narcissistic supply”. When the baby gets the narcissist mother attention and praise from people, it’s fine but that’s as far as the narcissist is able to go. Eventually, the children grow up and begin to have minds of their own, they want to explore the world and become their own people, dress how they like rather than be the NPD’s perfect little dollies, and the narcissist cannot handle that at all. It’s as if the shoe on her foot decided to get up and walk around without her.

As the children get older, she will even get into childish competitions for attention, because heaven forbid that a child be given praise or attention when the narcissist is standing right there and obviously more deserving (in their own mind) of everyone’s praise and attention than some dumb baby taking it’s first step or a silly kid tying their shoe for the first time or a youngster dancing in a show at school. Nope, no sir, the narcissist needs and deserves that attention and it’s infuriating to watch her own ungrateful terrible children getting anything she isn’t getting.

Your only hope is that your narcissist discovers the power of the “Mother of the Year” act and realizes that she can get a LOT of supply by faking how much she cares for and nurtures her children. If she figures out that people will lavish her with praise and attention every time she turns up to something with her perfect little mini-mes doing cute little things, then she will at least put on a good act of being a mother in public. At home, in private, she won’t lift a finger to help or she may even rage out and abuse you and the kids, but at least she’ll behave properly in public for an audience.

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