Quora: Are narcissists emasculated?

 Narcissists may feel insecure about their sexuality, but in general, they are physically the same as any other person. In fact, the vanity and self-involvement of the narcissistic personality may* lead a person with narcissistic personality disorder to be extremely diligent in matters of diet, exercise, grooming and hygiene, and therefore quite physically fit and conventionally attractive.

*(I did say “may”—often people with NPD are self indulgent to the point of obesity and ill health, while still expecting their partners to lavish them with praise and adoration about how attractive they are. It really depends on how the Narcissism manifests, and whether there are other mental health factors at play. The key point to a narcissist is to be seen as special in some way, and if their inclination does not run to fanatic dieting and exercise, it may run toward outlandish dress or behavior—anything to get attention and be seen as different & interesting, or, if their self- indulgent behavior leads to illness, they will enjoy being seen as fragile, helpless, and sick, anything for attention! )

As with every other trait a Narcissist feels insecure about, they create internal walls against that knowledge of insecurity and project a hyper-confidence in that trait.

One thing you will begin to notice about abusive people is that they will espouse and enforce rigid stereotypes regarding their beliefs. If the narcissist feels sexually inadequate, and there is a social norm that “real men” do or say things a certain way, you may be sure that the Narcissist will peform “real manliness” in the way it is seen as socially acceptable and desirable. This means that you will be expected to behave and perform being a “real woman” which means the usual 1950s stereotypes of “sit down, shut up, listen when the man talks, serve the man when he arrives home from work, let the man make the financial decisions for the family, be charming, cheerful and accomodating to the man at all times, be a good mother, be a good cook, wear dresses and make-up, let him drive,” etc etc etc.

As with all wounded adult children, the Narcissist will react badly to anything which touches on the wound; being seen as unmanly, being unable to perform sexually due to alcohol, drug abuse, age, or some other issue will lead to feelings of self loathing which are almost instantly transmuted into blame upon another, usually the female partner.

I hope this answer helps; please keep in mind that you don’t deserve to be treated badly or receive blame for anyone else’s probems. If you feel you are involved with a narcissist, or if you are in a relationship where your needs are not being met, or the other person is treating you unkindly or blaming you for all of the problems in the relationship, it’s time to seek an exit and begin your own healing journey.

 

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Kevin Banas

 · 1y

 

Appreciate your thoughtful answer. I would comment that your points apply equally to both sexes and that there are many female narcissists, just as there are many male narcissists.

 

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evilE · 1y

 

Yes, but the word emasculated specifically refers to the removal of male genitals, and the questioner seemed to be female asking about a male narcissist, so that is how I phrased my answer. If you care to read through some of my other answers I am careful to use nongendered language or interchange “he" “she" and “they” pronouns. I know from personal experience that many abusers are female.

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