Quora: Why does a narcissist repeat himself so much?

 Repetition is a brainwashing technique. It is used by cults, it is used by religions, it is used by politicians and political parties, and it is used by abusers. Hearing the same thing again and again makes it start to ‘feel’ true, and eventually the new ‘fact’ is internalized as ‘truth’.

This can start out with little ‘cute’ and ‘fun’ stories the narcissist likes to tell about him or herself. Usually stories about how they were in a situation where they were smart and everyone around them was stupid. These can be old stories from high school or college or during the early days of their courtship with their spouse, but the stories will always repeat and always paint the narcissist in a positive light by highlighting the special qualities they want to be seen to possess: they were a world class musician, they almost qualified for the Olympics but something prevented them from participating at the last minute, they solved a problem no one else could figure out, they met, know, or saved a celebrity. They tell these stories to present their false image to the world and try to affix that mask firmly in place because ‘everyone knows’ this story and it’s been told enough times that they accept it as true.

Where it turns dark is when the Narcissist starts using repetition to devalue their target, telling ‘cute and funny’ stories that make their victim look bad and stupid, making the victim believe that they *are* bad, stupid, inept, etc. They tell the stories about their victim to friend, family, anyone who will listen. The narcissist tells the story TO the victim. Repeatedly.

This repetition is even more effective if it can be coupled with things like starvation (especially lack of protein) and sleep deprivation. The narcissist abuser seems to know this instinctively, which is why they’ll set up situations where an argument is started before a meal time, so that their target is vulnerable and their brain has fewer nutrients to support it while this new ‘fact’ is implanted. And, of course, most people in an upset mental state will not be hungry, so the brain continues to starve and continues to have this ‘truth’ repeated until it feels like reality.

Another prime time for repeating lies until they feel true is when the target is tired or asleep. You just want to go to bed, the narcissist wants to stay awake talking. In the early days, this may be fun stories about the narcissist, positive things that the narcissist wants the target to believe, accompanied by sexytimes. Later on, the sleep deprivation gets darker, with the narcissist waking you up because they had a dream you were unfaithful or something….I have honestly met people whose disordered spouse or partner accuses them of cheating because of their bad dreams, and eventually the victim comes to believe that yes, they DID cheat, in real life. Repetition of accusations + sleep deprivation led them to believe they were true! The narcissist will also keep a target awake long after bedtime, perhaps even all night, with screaming and crying and drama and fighting, which of course puts the person into a mentally vulnerable state to accept the repeated statements as truth.

“Repeat a lie often enough and it becomes the truth”, is a law of propaganda often attributed to Nazi Joseph Goebbels. Sadly, humans tend to internalize and believe things they keep hearing. This is a tendency we must always guard ourselves against.

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