I like this one, but I suspect it came up as an ironic statement from the Universe

24. Sharing

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Sharing

As you move above to the fourth center - that is the heart - your
whole life becomes a sharing of love. The third center has created the
abundance of love. By reaching to the third center in meditation, you
have become so overflowing with love, with compassion, and you want to
share. It happens at the fourth center, the heart.


That's why even in the ordinary world people think love comes out
of the heart. For them it is just hearsay, they have heard it; they
don't know it because they have never reached to their heart. But the
meditator finally reaches to the heart. As he has reached to the center
of his being - the third center - suddenly an explosion of love and
compassion and joy and blissfulness and benediction has arisen in him
with such a force that it hits his heart and opens the heart. The heart
is just in the middle of all your seven centers - three centers below,
three centers above. You have come exactly to the middle.

Osho The Search: Talks on the Ten Bulls of Zen Chapter2

Commentary:

The Queen of Fire is so rich, so much a queen, that she can afford
to give. It doesn't even occur to her to take inventories or to put
something aside for later. She dispenses her treasures without limits,
welcoming all and sundry to partake of the abundance, fertility and
light that surrounds her.


When you draw this card, it suggests that you too are in a
situation where you have an opportunity to share your love, your joy
and your laughter. And in sharing, you find that you feel even more
full.

There is no need to go anywhere or to make any special
effort. You find that you can enjoy sensuality without possessiveness
or attachment, can give birth to a child or to a new project with an
equal sense of creativity fulfilled.


Everything around you seems to be "coming together" now. Enjoy it,
ground yourself in it, and let the abundance in you and around you
overflow.

2nd to last EAP therapy appt.

the therapist hit on a very big point tonight that I had not realized...I like seeing Thax being affectionate with people I like and who I know like me (and, by the way, also respect our relationship)...when he is being affectionate with someone who dislikes me and does not respect me and has told me I'm "not interesting"...that does not feel good to me.

It does not feel good to me because if I had a friend who expressed dislike, disrespect, or disinterest in Thax, that person would more than likely no longer be someone I considered a friend or would want to hang out with. And he has not made a similar decision with regard to [redacted], which leaves me feeling hurt and confused.

BUT!!! He is not me. He is much better about agreeing to disagree, and letting other people's opinions not matter to him. I have a more ...dogmatic? sense of loyalty than that and I know it's been a weakness for me. In my head, I know that "those who are not with me are against me" is not a good personal philosophy. But...that's how I *feel*...

Definitely something to think about.

Oh, and also, I appreciate the people who have told me "she's leaving in August," and encouraged me to just grin and bear it til then. That perspective *does* help, some. But my therapist asked how I'd feel if I was bleeding profusely and someone told me "just wait till August, it'll be over then,"....so....yeah.