(no subject)

 

11/17

Will my dust catch someone's eye?
athea wrote,

@ 2005-09-19 05:51:00

reminding myself

There is no such thing as being "meant" for each other. No magic.
Romantic love is a faulty illusion.
It simply cannot be sustained continuously.
We go through periods of what we think love is.
We feel warm and fuzzy.
We are sure that everything will work out in the end.
The reality of love leaves many people confused.. disappointed.
It is two separate, fighting, kicking people trying to join their
lives together..
Not only do you have the constant turmoil between differing internal
aspects and desires, but now they are complicated by the addition of
the wants and needs of another. More importantly, now your wants and
needs compete directly with what you want and need _from_ your other.
This balancing act can be tiresome.
The driving force behind a sustainable loving relationship is submission.
You have to submit many desires for the few needs you have.
Finding the difference between what you want and what you need is a
never ending lesson.
We are growing daily into who we are.
If we are to commit to a relationship with another being, we must be
willing to submit ourselves to this commitment.
In order to be willing to submit ourselves, there must be something
more powerful than our own selfishness that can motivate us.
Romantic love alone, does not cut it.
You need to place a high value on companionship, as well as caring
deeply for the wellbeing of your partner with great empathy, in order
to "make things work".
Work... that is what it is.. work.
The evidences of a life well lived are the growing pangs it produces.
We struggle and we learn... the hard way, by making mistakes.
We grow when we are able to put those lessons to good use.
Some people dirty up their relationships and when they becomes too
ugly, they let it color every new interaction they have within that
relationship.. and in doing so they get caught in circular patterns..
no growth, just repetitions of old pains and cycles.
Every interaction, every day, every moment is NEW.
We must treat every second as a second chance.
Submit, refuse to allow your own stubborn nature to hold you in a rut.
We must LIVE with forgiveness, for ourselves and our chosen ones..
allow them their infinite second chance. This is commitment.
It _will_ all work out in the end. The trick is that the end doesn't
matter at all. This moment and the next is what matters. Now is the
time for your second chance. Don't borrow on your life's lessons,
you'll never pay them off. Use them now. Choose it.
----


----
When we are hurt, we cover by responding with anger.
Anger gives us time to reel in our vulnerable parts to prevent further
damage until we no longer feel a threat. We feel strong in our anger
to counteract the weakness we felt from the pain of the assault on our
vulnerabilities which we left unguarded. We assert ourselves to
prevent further damage. Anger puffs up their feathers, they want you
to know that they are too big to swallow.

The fact that someone would kick our tender bellies, which we
entrusted to their care, is liquid betrayal. Whether the harm was due
to inconsideration, misunderstanding, or naivety, it doesn't alter the
reaction or emotions it insighted. Explanation and logic can soothe
the soreness, but it can't undo the injury.
We can run into a big problem when two people are caught in a cycle of
anger. They are both hurt, they want to assert themselves to prevent
more damage, and they feel betrayed by the "abuse" on their
vulnerability. On top of that, now they are afraid. They are afraid
that they will get kicked again the moment they let their guard down.

These reactions are fleeting.. the thing that gets worn down is trust.
We NEED to be able to trust those we love with our vulnerabilities. We
need to know that they wouldn't harm us on purpose or by being
inconsiderate. We seek to inform them of what would and wouldn't do us
harm, in hopes to prevent them from inadvertently hurting us. We try
to be understood. We nearly beg not to be hurt. Please don't hurt me..
here is how you could hurt me, please don't do these things.. I
couldn't take it... and when you give that knowledge to someone, when
you tell them what hurts you most, what you fear.. you are handing
them a knife and saying, "Please, don't stab me.".

That takes trust.. when trust is damaged, we are keenly aware that we
are at the mercy of another. We shared ourselves intimately, in
confidence.. now that confidence is cracked.. there is a crack in the
protection... how can you feel secure, when you're harmed by someone
who wasn't supposed to hurt you. How much more _could_ they hurt you?
You will have to find out. Scary huh?
----

----
Be trustworthy.
Be kind.
Decide who you want to be, and do it.
Decide what you want most, and be willing to sacrifice for it.
The grass is not greener on the other side, and even if it were, it
isn't your grass. Take care of your own grass and make it whatever
color you want.
HAVE FAITH. Worrying for the future prevents enjoyment of now. There
is plenty of time to worry later.
Trust that you are loved.
Acknowledge that we are flailing hurting creatures and forgive your
fellow creatures when their limbs strike out.
Allow people to change, don't try to tie them to who you think they are.

3837a good LJ post - on love, by athea

17 Nov. 9:32 am

 

 

Will my dust catch someone's eye?
athea wrote,

@ 2005-09-19 05:51:00

reminding myself

There is no such thing as being "meant" for each other. No magic.
Romantic love is a faulty illusion.
It simply cannot be sustained continuously.
We go through periods of what we think love is.
We feel warm and fuzzy.
We are sure that everything will work out in the end.
The reality of love leaves many people confused.. disappointed.
It is two separate, fighting, kicking people trying to join their
lives together..
Not only do you have the constant turmoil between differing internal
aspects and desires, but now they are complicated by the addition of
the wants and needs of another. More importantly, now your wants and
needs compete directly with what you want and need _from_ your other.
This balancing act can be tiresome.
The driving force behind a sustainable loving relationship is submission.
You have to submit many desires for the few needs you have.
Finding the difference between what you want and what you need is a
never ending lesson.
We are growing daily into who we are.
If we are to commit to a relationship with another being, we must be
willing to submit ourselves to this commitment.
In order to be willing to submit ourselves, there must be something
more powerful than our own selfishness that can motivate us.
Romantic love alone, does not cut it.
You need to place a high value on companionship, as well as caring
deeply for the wellbeing of your partner with great empathy, in order
to "make things work".
Work... that is what it is.. work.
The evidences of a life well lived are the growing pangs it produces.
We struggle and we learn... the hard way, by making mistakes.
We grow when we are able to put those lessons to good use.
Some people dirty up their relationships and when they becomes too
ugly, they let it color every new interaction they have within that
relationship.. and in doing so they get caught in circular patterns..
no growth, just repetitions of old pains and cycles.
Every interaction, every day, every moment is NEW.
We must treat every second as a second chance.
Submit, refuse to allow your own stubborn nature to hold you in a rut.
We must LIVE with forgiveness, for ourselves and our chosen ones..
allow them their infinite second chance. This is commitment.
It _will_ all work out in the end. The trick is that the end doesn't
matter at all. This moment and the next is what matters. Now is the
time for your second chance. Don't borrow on your life's lessons,
you'll never pay them off. Use them now. Choose it.
----


----
When we are hurt, we cover by responding with anger.
Anger gives us time to reel in our vulnerable parts to prevent further
damage until we no longer feel a threat. We feel strong in our anger
to counteract the weakness we felt from the pain of the assault on our
vulnerabilities which we left unguarded. We assert ourselves to
prevent further damage. Anger puffs up their feathers, they want you
to know that they are too big to swallow.

The fact that someone would kick our tender bellies, which we
entrusted to their care, is liquid betrayal. Whether the harm was due
to inconsideration, misunderstanding, or naivety, it doesn't alter the
reaction or emotions it insighted. Explanation and logic can soothe
the soreness, but it can't undo the injury.
We can run into a big problem when two people are caught in a cycle of
anger. They are both hurt, they want to assert themselves to prevent
more damage, and they feel betrayed by the "abuse" on their
vulnerability. On top of that, now they are afraid. They are afraid
that they will get kicked again the moment they let their guard down.

These reactions are fleeting.. the thing that gets worn down is trust.
We NEED to be able to trust those we love with our vulnerabilities. We
need to know that they wouldn't harm us on purpose or by being
inconsiderate. We seek to inform them of what would and wouldn't do us
harm, in hopes to prevent them from inadvertently hurting us. We try
to be understood. We nearly beg not to be hurt. Please don't hurt me..
here is how you could hurt me, please don't do these things.. I
couldn't take it... and when you give that knowledge to someone, when
you tell them what hurts you most, what you fear.. you are handing
them a knife and saying, "Please, don't stab me.".

That takes trust.. when trust is damaged, we are keenly aware that we
are at the mercy of another. We shared ourselves intimately, in
confidence.. now that confidence is cracked.. there is a crack in the
protection... how can you feel secure, when you're harmed by someone
who wasn't supposed to hurt you. How much more _could_ they hurt you?
You will have to find out. Scary huh?
----

----
Be trustworthy.
Be kind.
Decide who you want to be, and do it.
Decide what you want most, and be willing to sacrifice for it.
The grass is not greener on the other side, and even if it were, it
isn't your grass. Take care of your own grass and make it whatever
color you want.
HAVE FAITH. Worrying for the future prevents enjoyment of now. There
is plenty of time to worry later.
Trust that you are loved.
Acknowledge that we are flailing hurting creatures and forgive your
fellow creatures when their limbs strike out.
Allow people to change, don't try to tie them to who you think they are.