![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
a "unique and powerful evil"
Jul. 9th, 2005 11:14 amI just don't get it.
A few years ago, I ended a 33 year friendship with someone, who ended up telling me what a terrible person and horrible friend I am. This is a person I gave my all to. I saved my disposable income for 2-3 months every year just so I could take the person and their family to an amusement park to celebrate the end of summer and beginning of the school year. I spent another month or two's worth of disposable income taking their oldest child to Las Vegas to see Mystere for the kid's birthday, because it was supposedly the last year Mystere would be playing. I was there for kids' birthdays, Christmas, and various special occasions. I let this person have their Thanksgiving at my house, I spent a ton of time and money and energy on my relationship with them, and at the end I was a bad friend, a cold bitch, a terrible untrustworthy person. WTF WTF WTF!!!!!!
Recently, a person told me I'd been acting 'shitty' to them all weekend. This after I invited them over to my house to cook, drove them here and there, took them to a friends house and spent hours cuddling and petting & talking & laughing with them in my friend's hot tub. How very shitty of me, apparently. Again, I ask: WTF.
I keep finding myself in situations where I'm making what I feel to be a HUGE effort, spending lots of time and money and energy cooking, cleaning, being, doing for people...and it gets thrown back in my face with curses and spittle and accusations of being a bad friend, a bitch, a shitty person, cold, and nasty.
I just don't understand. I am doing my very fucking best to be the kind of friend I'd like to have myself, and it just keeps getting thrown back in my face with venom and resentment.
As my friend J-Law says, apparently mine is a unique and powerful evil.
A few years ago, I ended a 33 year friendship with someone, who ended up telling me what a terrible person and horrible friend I am. This is a person I gave my all to. I saved my disposable income for 2-3 months every year just so I could take the person and their family to an amusement park to celebrate the end of summer and beginning of the school year. I spent another month or two's worth of disposable income taking their oldest child to Las Vegas to see Mystere for the kid's birthday, because it was supposedly the last year Mystere would be playing. I was there for kids' birthdays, Christmas, and various special occasions. I let this person have their Thanksgiving at my house, I spent a ton of time and money and energy on my relationship with them, and at the end I was a bad friend, a cold bitch, a terrible untrustworthy person. WTF WTF WTF!!!!!!
Recently, a person told me I'd been acting 'shitty' to them all weekend. This after I invited them over to my house to cook, drove them here and there, took them to a friends house and spent hours cuddling and petting & talking & laughing with them in my friend's hot tub. How very shitty of me, apparently. Again, I ask: WTF.
I keep finding myself in situations where I'm making what I feel to be a HUGE effort, spending lots of time and money and energy cooking, cleaning, being, doing for people...and it gets thrown back in my face with curses and spittle and accusations of being a bad friend, a bitch, a shitty person, cold, and nasty.
I just don't understand. I am doing my very fucking best to be the kind of friend I'd like to have myself, and it just keeps getting thrown back in my face with venom and resentment.
As my friend J-Law says, apparently mine is a unique and powerful evil.
