evile | Jun. 2nd, 2005

Jun. 2nd, 2005

Jun. 2, 2005

Monday night:

e and I went to a sunrise ceremony (solstice?) at some new age
temple place. it was 1 room with wood floors and various altars and
statues, but pretty minimal, not cluttered, and then a big backyard,
and maybe some kind of well with a lid/bucket/pulley/weight system
over it. These sort of unattractive lesbians kept walking up to me
and greeting me like they knew me (or maybe hitting on me?) something
about having some tuber type plants (palm tree and 2 others?) I
wanted to plant and they got cooked so we were going to eat them.
Then she and Andy were in a race in south america, and they were
driving a VW bug, and it turned upside down, but they were inside
buckled in and unhurt. Maybe laughing(?). Seemed like a good dream.

Then last night:

oracle_tx and I were going to get snow cones, we went to one
place and I don't know why but then we went to Casey's on
Airport/51st. He got a snowcone and paid for it. I didn't have my
wallet and I'd been expecting him to pay for mine but since I wasn't
sure he was paying or not, I didn't get anything. Jim Bacon was
there, wearing some kind of pinstriped punk zoot suit, doing some
kind of creepy Willy Wonka type thing, and then there was a boutique
where some Natasha type lady was trying to get us to buy clothes that
looked vintage and/or punk. Most of the stuff was overpriced. I think
I put on some pants that I liked and they were $28.

Jun. 2, 2005

This was sent to me and I thought of you! May your day be blessed
today and always!
Love
D

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and
visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage,
about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood,
the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and
turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter. "Don't forget your
Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her
glass.

" They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you
love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may
have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places
with them now and then; do things with them. And remember
that "Sisters" also means your girlfriends, your daughters, and
other women relatives too. You'll need other women. Women always do.

" 'What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. 'Haven't
I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm
now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup. Surely my husband
and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life
worthwhile! But she listened to her Mother.

She kept in contact with her Sisters and made more women friends
each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually
came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking
about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries
upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

Here is what I've learned:

Times passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Love waxes and wanes.
Hearts break.
Careers end.
Jobs come and go.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Men don't call when they say they will.

BUT Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles
are between you. A Sister is never farther away than needing her can
reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it
for yourself, your Sisters will be on the valley's rim, cheering you
on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf,
and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will
even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you
out.

My mother, sister, sister-in-laws, and "girlfriends", have blessed
my life! The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither
would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no
idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we
know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each
other still.

Jun. 2, 2005

This is boilerplate. Creepy icky scary boilerplate. I've seen her
post this all before, verbatim. WTF man.

skye_ds (skye_ds) wrote,
@ 2005-06-02 12:35:00

Current mood: content
Current music: You're Still the One / Getting Better All the Time

Response to Oracle_Tx Question
This was too long to post in comments, so I'm posting it here and
linking it there.

My Essay on Why I am and How I Came to Be Polyamorous:

Born and bred in Texas, I was raised in the old fashioned Southern
Baptist/Southern Methodist tradition. I was a truly devout Christian,
as opposed to the vast majority who are hypocritical wannabes in my
opinion, for the first 20 years of my life. From the tender age of 8,
I had studied world mythologies, and at University, out of curiosity,
I visited the Pagan Students Association. After close examination and
scrutiny of my beliefs, I realized that Christianity was not my path,
and I became an eclectic solitary pagan. Here I met and eventually
married another pagan.

Now, something that is quite commonly said, among many Wiccans and
other neopagans, is "all acts of love and pleasure are sacred...".
But Judaism Christianity and Islam haven't got the market cornered on
hypocrisy - for you see, many pagans talk that talk, but cannot walk
that walk when the shoe is on the other foot.

Both myself and my husband, who came to paganism as a recovering
Catholic, were brought up with the traditional views of monogamy and
cheating. And of course, cheating is a term subject to a plethora of
varied definitions. In the year before we were married, he cheated on
me several times. No, he never consummated the act, never "went all
the way," but he went right up to the edge of that cliff and danced
all over it, from kissing through petting all the way up to just, and
I mean just, short of penetration. (How's that for convoluted :P). He
is a very secretive person, and at this time he was not a truthful
person, so he went out of his way to hide these incidents from me and
to lie his derriere out of the sling when I discovered them (yes -
lies will always be discovered, it is just a matter of
time...discovery of lies is *when* not *if*).

Not one month before the day of our wedding, I caught him in
flagrante delicto, and he would not admit to the truth to which I had
been an eye witness until I had chased him around with my spirit
blade (sacred dagger) for several hours like a crazed, insane shrew.

Getting the truth from him about anything, not just his sexual
indiscretions, is like pulling a freight train with my pinky finger,
or pulling teeth with pliars and no novocaine. Dishonesty, in all
forms, be it commission, omission or hypocrisy, is one of my biggest
pet peeves, and so his coverups and lies just made things much, much
worse. The first few years of our marriage, his lies and infidelities
were among my favorite weapons to hurl at him during the many pitched
battles.

Then I went through a spiritual rebirth (a long story in and of
itself that I won't bore anyone with). The hereditary path that
called me (Stregheria) has an entirely different paradigm concerning
love, sex and marriage, which follows:

"Concerning Love

Love is the gift of the Spirit's blessings. It is the emanation of
Spirit within. Love is the Great Attainment. Receive love when it is
offered, and offer love regardless. Yet do not allow the duality of
love to cause you despair. For love can lift up your heart and it can
likewise drag it down. Accept love in the manner in which it comes to
you. Do not possess it, or attempt to control it or shape it. For
love is free, and shall come or go in its manner.

Concerning Sexuality

The sexual power of a man or woman is the strongest power that may be
raised from the body. The Christians teach that sexuality must be
repressed, and thereby rob the people of their personal power. Do not
be confused by the duality of sex, for it can be physical alone or it
can be spiritual alone. It can also be both together. Share your
sexuality with whomever you may, in whatever manner you may. For all
acts of love and pleasure are rituals to the Goddess and to the God.
It has been written that you shall be free, and so shall you be free
in body, mind, and spirit. Be not like the Christians who teach shame
and modesty, and false morality. Blessed are the free. You have heard
it said that homosexuality is unnatural, yet I say to you that
heterosexuality is likewise unbalanced. Everything is masculine and
feminine in essence, and all bear the divine spark of the God and
Goddess within them. Realize this, and do not exalt the one above the
other. A Strega must live with inner and outer harmony. You have
heard the Christians condemn adultery, and say that the spouse is the
property of the other. Yet no one may rightly dictate the will of
another. Do not confuse love with sex nor sex with love. Remember
that pleasure belongs to everyone, and rightly so. Therefore harm no
one through your own will, nor place your will above another's.

Concerning Marriage

When a man and a woman join their lives together through ritual, and
the love which they share, then are they linked to each other in
another life to come. Yet being together, know that each of you must
be alone. Understand that even though you are bound together, let
this not be as captives. There shall always be others with who each
of you may desire to share a closeness, either physical or spiritual.
This is as it should be. Let your love desire fullness of life for
each other and also pleasure for each other. Honor each other with
openness and honesty. Because you have joined your lives together,
you are sanctuary and comfort for each other. Together shall you
stand in all things, for you are true friends. You are together
because of your love, and you remain for this reason. Yet if this
reason for coming together is forgotten, or fades, then it is well to
part if needs be such. You do not honor the joining by remaining
without love. Neither do you honor each other."

Ok, so ...that was hard...VERY hard. I have to believe what??!!! Let
him do what???!! I agonized painfully for a long time, and then the
Epiphany: two words screamed out for my attention. OPEN and HONEST.
When I examined my feelings over his past betrayals painstakingly
with a finetoothed comb, I realized, the sexual acts themselves
aren't what hurt me, what hurt was that I was lied to about them.
Everything became very clear suddenly, like stormladen clouds lifting
away from me.

Do I really care, does it really hurt, that he might want to have sex
with someone else? No. Not as long as he's OPEN and HONEST about it.
I have always known that sex and love are not necessarily or even
always desirably synonymous. So I made the following pact with him:

You may sleep with anyone you want under the following three
conditions:

1) You OPENLY and HONESTLY tell me BEFORE it happens. Do not make me
chase you with a dagger to get the truth about it after the fact.

2) Protect against BOTH disease and unwanted pregnancies. Don't come
home with a child or something that will make me sick or kill me. I
want to see evidence of a negative STD test from your intended
partner, and want you to use whatever precautions necessary to
protect against STDS and pregnancy.

3) Do not bring another partner into our marital bed nor into our
marital home without my prior consent.

He agreed with alacrity, undoubtedly because he saw it as inuring to
his own benefit. After all, he was the one with the history of
demonstrated proclivity for sexual activity outside of our
relationship. Imagine his surprise (and my own), when his short fat
ugly dumpy little wife (me) was the first one to acquire an Other
Significant Other years later. I have now been married to my husband
for 13 years, and my various Significant Others have also been part
of Our Family for over 8 years. With the two horses and the macaw, we
live together as a Family.

Despite the long hours of negotiation, despite the agreement, despite
my open, honest honoring of that agreement both in spirit and letter,
my insanely possessive, jealous, unfaithful and secretive husband did
not react well for the first two years of my first new relationship,
going so far one night as to put his hands around my throat. We
braved many years of fiery storm to get to the state of grace, the
calm and peaceful shore where we exist now as a Family - me, two
horses, one macaw, and two adult male children *very big grin*.

In the Great Bard's Hamlet, Polonius the fool tells his son, "To
thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou can not then be false to any man." Only a madman or a fool
tells the bald truth.

P.S. Our Family's "Compleat Rules of Engagement" may be found here:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/skye_ds/9488.html

~Namaste, Benedizione~

P.S. My Dear Husband and I have both matured and grown in lo these
many moons together, and we are both new and improved, and getting
better all the time!

Jun. 2, 2005

She was distant and bizarre last night, I didn't know what was up and
I really had better things to do than fuss with her. Lots of people
to visit, lots of hugs to give/get. (Polydinner is like TinyTIM but
in RL, I realized/discovered to my happiness and delight this
afternoon)

Anyway, here's the latest hoo ha in her LJ. A while back she was
whining and fussing because nobody responded to her posts. Now she's
whining and fussing because people aren't saying what she wants them
to say. I'm done replying for a while, I think.
=====================================================

Onyxlynxx (onyxlynxx) wrote,
@ 2005-06-02 11:09:00

Current mood: okay
Current music: Learning to Fly by Pink Floyd

Asking for what you want....
Okay. I have a friend who feels that I do not do a good job of asking
for what I want. That is just another one of the many things that I
am working on.

For the record, my LJ is like a diary. That means that sometimes I
use it to vent. Writing about how I feel is a way that I process my
negative emotions and let them go.

I really do appreciate all the sage advice but I know that everything
changes, that I will be "alright" and that some things only happen
when they are meant to and wishing it different does not make it so.

If you want to be helpful, tell me how wonderful I am* or something
not how I need to learn to be patient and let things flow. I am
already working on that and telling a frustrated control freak to
relax is likely to get you snapped at.

*Thanks loverdenye. Did you leave a cd in my desk? That was a nice
surprise.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------

(Post a new comment)

terriblelynne
2005-06-02 16:24 (link)
*hug*
People do need to remember that your LJ can be a very skewed view of
who you are and what you express, depending on what it is you most
use your LJ for.
(Reply to this)

thewordnerd
2005-06-02 16:25 (link)
Here here! This is something to which I can most definitely relate. I
write things because I'm emotional about them, or need to vent, or
something . . . but there are two important aspects of that. 1) There
is a need, and somehow I have to vent. 2) Venting is scary, and
when people criticize my actions, put words in my mouth or otherwise
attack me then it compromises the process. Yet, whatever was done has
already been done, so it does no one any good to tell me how I should
have done it better when I'm just trying to get past the emotions.

Anyway, sorry, didn't mean to start ranting, but this post really
resonated with how I feel, so I thought I'd let you know that you
aren't alone in that.

(Reply to this)

skye_ds
2005-06-02 16:42 (link)
*hugs*

I was wondering if I was the only person out here who only gets all
the more frustrated when someone tells me "be patient" (or any other
similar similitude such as "calm down," "chill out," etc). I feel
better now, thank you :)

Namaste, Benedizione ~

P.S. You're wonderful :P
(Reply to this)

roninjedi
2005-06-02 16:51 (link)
Well, I've been telling you you're wonderful for quite some time now.
You've gotten, if anything, better and more impressive the longer
I've known you.

So there! ;)
(Reply to this)

*shrug*
bramblekite
2005-06-02 17:11 (link)
You can always turn off comments or make things 'private' if you'd
rather not deal with people saying inappropriate/annoying things.

I think you do a pretty good job of identifying your wants and needs.
(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: *shrug*
onyxlynxx
2005-06-02 17:22 (link)
I don't know. I guess I am being perverse.

I want people to be able to say things...but only things I like.

It is like when I used to complain about being fat. I didn't want
someone to tell me that I just needed to take in less calories than I
burned. I knew that anyway but nothing is ever that simple. I wanted
to hear that people understood what I was feeling or simply that they
recognized my struggle or something.
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

Re: *shrug*
bramblekite
2005-06-02 18:23 (link)
Ok. When you do entries like that, just type "NOD AND SMILE
SLAVES!!!!" at the top and we will all do so with alacrity :P
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

Re: *shrug*
onyxlynxx
2005-06-02 18:29 (link)
I don't want to have to tell you to nod and smile. I want you to
agree with me and decided to do it yourselves.

It is like when you complain that your significant other doesn't ever
say anything flattering. You don't want him to tell you that you are
beautiful then. You want him to remember to do it later and you want
him to MEAN it.
(Reply to this)(Parent)

Re: *shrug*
sineater
2005-06-02 18:59 (link)
*blink* How are you fat???
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

Re: *shrug*
bramblekite
2005-06-02 19:13 (link)
bro, I love you so much it hurts...but I gotta tell ya: when you find
yourself in a hole, first thing to do is STOP DIGGING.
(Reply to this)(Parent)

loverdenye
2005-06-02 17:53 (link)
Yes. I left you one of the CDs you asked about a long while ago. If
you like it, I can burn it for you laters. But keep it for a while to
decide. And yes, I will continue work on that mix CD I promise about
two years ago.

*Hugs*
(Reply to this)(Thread)

onyxlynxx
2005-06-02 17:59 (link)
Cool. I am really looking forward to that mix but I didn't want to
bug you about it.
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

loverdenye
2005-06-02 18:10 (link)
No bug. My bad. I will work on finishing it up today- if I can get a
few minutes of Nate's time.

*Hugs*