evile | Feb. 17th, 2005

Feb. 17th, 2005

Feb. 17, 2005

http://www.wiggle.org.uk/turban.htm

http://www.desertdancer.com/turban.html

Feb. 17, 2005

I am really close to being an INFJ, like I got a 51% on the T
qualities, and a 49% on the F (thinking vs feeling), so in some cases
I guess I would tend to react more like an INFJ. I am more
comfortable with thinking than with feeling, sometimes I know I'm
feeling something, or see someone else feeling something and prefer
not to address it.

http://www.students.yorku.ca/~kaldeway/about/howtodeal.shtml

How To Deal With An INTJ
(stolen from various places on the Net - I can't stress the truth of
this list enough!)

1. Be willing to back up your statements with facts - or at least
some pretty sound reasoning.

2. Don't expect them to respect you or your viewpoints just because
you say so. INTJ respect must be earned.

3. Be willing to concede when you are wrong. The average INTJ
respects the truth over being "right". Withdraw your erroneous
comment and admit your mistake and they will see you as a very
reasonable person. Stick to erroneous comments and they will think
you are an irrational idiot and treat everything you say as being
questionable.

4. Try not to be repetitive. It annoys them.

5. Do not feed them a line of bull.

6. Expect debate. INTJs like to tear ideas apart and prove their
worthiness. They will even argue a point they don't actually support
for the sake of argument.

7. Do not mistake the strength of your conviction with the strength
of your argument. INTJs do not need to believe in a position to argue
it or argue it well. Therefore, it will take more than fervor to sway
them.

8. Do not be surprised at sarcasm.

9. Remember that INTJs believe in workable solutions. They are
extremely open-minded to possibilities, but they will quickly discard
any idea that is unfeasible. INTJ open-mindedness means that they are
willing to have a go at an idea by trying to pull it apart. This
horrifies people who expect oohs and ahhs and reverence. The ultimate
INTJ insult to an idea is to ignore it, because that means it's not
even interesting enough to deconstruct.

10. This also means that they will not just accept any viewpoint that
is presented to them. The bottom line is "Does it work?" - end
discussion.

11. Do not expect INTJs to actually care about how you view them.
They already know that they are arrogant bastards with a morbid sense
of humor. Telling them the obvious accomplishes nothing.

http://www.personalitytype.com/jyt/intj.html
Life as an INTJ
(Introvert, Intuitive, Thinker, Judger)

People of this type tend to be: autonomous, aloof, and intellectual;
imaginative, innovative, and unique; critical, analytical, and
logical; intellectually curious, driven to learn and increase their
competence and knowledge; socially cautious and reserved; organized
and definitive.

The most important thing to INTJs is their independence and being
able to live according to their own standards.

How to Love an INTJ

Be an attentive and respectful listener.
Appreciate my competency and creativity.
Give me plenty of privacy and time alone for me to pursue my
interests in depth.
Try not to pressure me to share my feelings before I'm ready.
Be honest and direct about what you need.
Above all - respect my independence and need to live my life
according to my own standards.

Life as an INFJ
(Introvert, Intuitive, Feeler, Judger)

People of this type tend to be: creative, original, and independent;
thoughtful, warm, and sensitive; global thinkers with great passion
for their unique vision; cautious, deliberate, and planful;
organized, productive, and decisive; reserved and polite.

The most important thing to INFJs is their ideas, and being faithful
to their vision.

How to Love an INFJ

Appreciate my unique vision and many creative ideas.
Respect my deeply held beliefs and values.
Share your feelings and express your opinions.
Give me time alone to pursue my interests and passions in depth.
Try to keep our home orderly.
Above all - trust my inspiration and encourage me to make my dreams
come true.

Feb. 17, 2005

Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 21:25:08 UT
From: "onyxlynxx - LJ Comment
Subject: Reply to your comment...

Onyxlynxx (onyxlynxx) replied to your LiveJournal comment in which you
said:

> I love your wit and the sense of timing you have in using it :)

Their reply was:

I love your loyality and your wicked sense of humor. I am glad that
you
are on my side.

Feb. 17, 2005

evile: yay, it's working today!
SkyeDS: :)
evile: I got the most hilarious email from J-Law. We were dishing on
the rubber pig situation, and she said "I think she should name it
Yucky. It would go so well with Yummy."

SkyeDS: ROFL
SkyeDS: tweedle dee, tweedle dum, tweedle dumber,
SkyeDS: tweedle dumberer
evile: lol!
SkyeDS: guess you heard about the bomb scares today? the first one
(fake) at the capitol, second one don't know if it's fake or not out
on Far West
evile: nope
SkyeDS: some woman parked a white car outside the Capitol and
announced to the cops that there was a bomb in it. there wasn't.
evile: greaat.
evile: Wonder if it's a practice run for the real bomb? Somebody
watching from a nearby office, timing the response of police, etc.
SkyeDS: Bush did announce at 9 am the new National Director of
Intelligence - John Negraponti, current ambassador to Iraq.
evile: Isn't that interesting?
SkyeDS: but that there's more than one, in different locations, on
this day, yeah, something's going on
evile: Oh well, since I now know that they won't evacuate us in the
event of a bomb threat, nice knowin' ya. Make up some suitably noble
last words for me, won't you?
SkyeDS: :|
evile: "We were chatting on ICQ, she quoted Benjamin Franklin, and
then there was an earth shattering kaboom!" *sniffle* (Skye's Oscar
moment)
SkyeDS: put in that situation I likely would not be even that
eloquent.
evile: *knocking on wood* Hopefully it won't come to that...
evile: Our building evacuation plan STILL has us walking TOWARD the
capitol to regroup in an area next to one of the skylights.
SkyeDS: smart.
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: going to have dinner with my parents tonight and probably
tomorrow night
evile: nice :)
SkyeDS: if it's bad weather in Killeen, Laura & Linda may not go to
Fort Hood in which case I see no reason to go either, so I will spend
Saturday with them too
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: in looking at the weather for killeen, it looks bad friday
but not saturday or sunday
SkyeDS: so I told them, ya'll ought to spend friday night at the
ranch and we'll all go out on Saturday since I'm not but an hour away
from FH
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I have one little pear tree that's flowering down on the
pond, forlorn little thing
SkyeDS: white popcorn blossoms
evile: Someone was saying we are going to get one more freeze before
it's over, so stuff blooming now might get frostbite
SkyeDS: I was positive we'd have a hard impassible road freeze one of
the first two weekends of Feb
SkyeDS: we have like the last several years running
SkyeDS: back to when I was doing ritual in Mayfield park even, it
would freeze out my Lupercus (Candlemas) ritual
evile: Yeah. this last freeze is supposed to be the first weekend in
March. Seems unlikely to me, but TX weather is goofy.
SkyeDS: this poor forlorn lonely little tree has been in full bloom
for some time now. It's so clueless, LOL
SkyeDS: I'm sorry it was dark by the time you dropped him off and you
couldn't see anything worth seeing
evile: in TX you watch the Mesquites, I've heard.
evile: they always know when it's safe to bud.
SkyeDS: I've got mesquite all over the place, wish I didn't, will
have to eradicate it when I've got time and $
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: mesquite and thorny locust both :|
evile: ick!
SkyeDS: I'm not going to bother with the fullgrown trees, but
everything else has got to go.
evile: Uncle B is like that with the cedar
evile: He wants to burn it once he cuts it down, Aunt L wants him to
make brush piles that little animals can nest in.
SkyeDS: I have one full grown locust tree, and it's useful, because
it's a full size tree, it just has to be kept trimmed
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I have one full grown mesquite tree that's on the lip of the
pond outside the fence, too hard to get rid of and no point
SkyeDS: but all the pervasive bushes on the ground got to go
evile: the seeds are good protein for little animals.
SkyeDS: I am pleased about the ecosystem we have so far, despite what
the White Trash did
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: we have thriving populations of raptors, lots of little birds
and turtles
SkyeDS: saw an armadillo one night
evile: usually you don't see them, just find their holes afterwards.
SkyeDS: anyway, when the raptors thrive, generally the whole
ecosystem below them has to be
SkyeDS: I had to keep from running over it - bad for the tires
evile: yup
SkyeDS: baldies are fugly as adolescents.
evile: yeah...most immature birds are.
SkyeDS: I love raptors, but I really wish they'd stop knocking me in
the face and head.
SkyeDS: it hurts.
evile: i bet!
evile: I can't believe I forgot to mention Labyrinth fanfic. Jareth &
Darth Maul....what a combo. :P
SkyeDS: I like anything that's well written, regardless of what I do
or don't know about the AU
SkyeDS: and it rocks that I can sit here and read and look at
whatever I damn well please all day, Hugh doesn't give a damn
evile: what is AU?
SkyeDS: alternative universe
evile: oh, OK.
SkyeDS: whatever the basis is (Star Wars, Star Trek, HP, whatever)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: it would be neat to have the entire Household spend the night
Friday night. They have not visited the ranch yet, and I'm always
crashing at Linda's when we're in Houston.
evile: sounds like fun :)
SkyeDS: they're going to be at the Eq College
SkyeDS: but I"m thinking since that event is not but half an hour
from the house
SkyeDS: there's no reason for us to camp out there over the weekend
evile: yeah...
SkyeDS: and no reason why if it's a three day event with nothing BUT
equestrian lists, why we can't do a parade Saturday morning, eat
lunch, go back after lunch
evile: *nod* makes sense to me.
SkyeDS: LOL my job is to stay as far away from Bridget as possible.
Well, is Georgetown far enough? LOL
evile: jeez. some people...
SkyeDS: I saw a saying today - "If people hate you it's because they
want to be just like you"
SkyeDS: I don't know what to think about that
SkyeDS: in some cases that's true and not in others, I think so far
SkyeDS: if the source of the hate is jealousy/insecurity, that would
be true, and in many cases for most people that is the source of hate
SkyeDS: but when I hate, it isn't founded in jealousy nor insecurity
evile: nope.
SkyeDS: of course while I'm often angry, I seldom hate for long, too
hard to sustain
evile: yup
evile: The only people I hate are those who harm or threaten my loved
ones.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: I can count them on one hand, and its an ongoing thing. I
don't waste a lot of time or energy on it, but if I can ever kill
them and get away with it, I certainly will.
SkyeDS: it's been a long while since I truly hated
SkyeDS: but I don't think with me it's personal
SkyeDS: ie, it isn't what is done to me, it's what's done to others,
and of course particularly to those I love
evile: *nod*
evile: Is B. still seeking office in SCA? Has she stopped to consider
that she is going to HAVE to get along with people if she becomes an
officer?
SkyeDS: I know that the powers that be are reconsidering
SkyeDS: I just hope she keeps opening her mouth, inserting both feet,
landing hard on her ass, and hoisting herself upon her own petard
given enough rope
SkyeDS: you can let people think you're a fool, or you can open your
mouth and prove them correct. believe it or not, most of the time I
keep my mouth shut, and just "hide and watch"
evile: I know that in poly group, there are people that the mods
detest, but as long as those people follow the rules of the yahoo
group and behave at poly gatherings, they aren't going to use their
leadership of the group to pursue personal grudges.
SkyeDS: Bridget has long wanted Eq to be exclusionary and she makes
no effort to hide that
evile: Any group where the leaders allow their personal feelings to
get in the way isn't going to be viable for long...
SkyeDS: she wants all horses and all riders trained to level 3
dressage, and all of us to wear heavy-legal helmets.
evile: I would think that requiring people to merely own horses would
be exclusionary enough....
SkyeDS: we don't all own horses. We have at least one member of our
houselhold that doesn't.
SkyeDS: but in that at least two members of the household have three
or four horses each.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and the men of course refuse to see her personal problems, I
suspect more that they can't.
evile: could be.
SkyeDS: they can't recognize the catty passive aggressive
manipulation even when it's right in front of their faces
SkyeDS: the problem is, the KEO has to have so many qualifications
and so few people have them all
evile: yeah....
SkyeDS: it takes skill, time, money and diplomacy
SkyeDS: and you can't sacrifice ANY of those things
SkyeDS: and a lot of us have most of those things, but few of us have
all of those things
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I can't do the job personally, but I have some inkling of
what it must take to do the job well, and so I think I am entitled to
my opinion about whether or not particular individuals are suited.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: IF she makes KEO, she will run a bunch of people away, right
as we're experiencing phenomenal growth
evile: that'll be too bad.
SkyeDS: IF that happens, maybe we'll just lie low for two years until
someone replaces her
evile: not like you don't have plenty to do, even without SCA :)
SkyeDS: and we can always go to the Earl Marshal to rein her in if
need be.
SkyeDS: right now the earl marshal is Randy's mentor.
SkyeDS: and i think Laura's got at least a year left anyway
evile: that's good.
SkyeDS: the secret is to be like the reeds on the river bank, not
like the mighty and proud oak tree. I am pliant, AND resourceful. I
bide my time, I hide and watch, and avenues almost always open up
when I'm patient enough
evile: *nod*
evile: I haven't actually managed to touch bases with Mom and plan
anything for while she's here...she called me at work yesterday
afternoon and then called while I was driving to poly dinner, so of
course I couldn't chat at that point.
SkyeDS: I hope you get good time with her this weekend. My parents
seem to have resigned themselves to weekends when I'm out of pocket.
Of course, I do go to great lengths to see them even then, after work
and such
evile: yeah. I emailed Aunt L with all the info on what I've already
got planned for the next few days, said they were more than welcome
to join me (with the unsaid part being :"these are my plans and I am
not ditching them to talk about the impending birth of Little Yucky")
SkyeDS: nodnods
evile: when I have advance knowledge of when people are going to be
here, I just dont' make plans for that time frame, so I can play it
by ear and do whatever they want to do. But since I didn't know when
the family was going to get Nana's care in place, and I don't know
when Rubber_Pig is going to be needing her, I am not putting my life on
hold.
SkyeDS: perfectly reasonable and prudent
evile: I hope so.
evile: I am very excited about the Dark Goddess Ball. I am going to
try to actually wrap a turban this time out :)
SkyeDS: sounds lovely :D
SkyeDS: Dracone's Lady used the headdress that came with my rider
garb to try to teach me how to wrap one but I think I'll have to be
shown more than once, and practice a lot.
evile: *nod* I think practice is the key.
SkyeDS: I would like to take some of the nicer tassels that were
originally part of Mirage's barding and put them on the dupatta
silks to wrap turbans with
evile: that would be cool :)
evile: I found a couple of good step-by-step sites:
http://www.wiggle.org.uk/turban.htm
http://www.desertdancer.com/turban.html
SkyeDS: and take the rest of them and make a tassel belt. I also
want a kuchi belt.
SkyeDS: I don't know if tassels and kuchis can go on the same belt or
not
evile: I think the American Tribal bellydancers do that...I'd have to
see a troupe again to double check. Gee, research is so tedious :P
SkyeDS: <VEG>
evile: I love american tribal...
http://tribedesigns.com/image/turban.jpeg
SkyeDS: <drool>
evile: isn't she gorgeous? :) *sigh*
SkyeDS: gawazee and beledi look a lot a like to me, except all the
beledi I see usually are silk
SkyeDS: it is nice to see gorgeous that is also voluptuous
evile: *nod*
evile: That's what I always liked best about Z Helene & her bunch.
Lots of different body types, lots of different dance styles &
clothing styles. All beautiful.
SkyeDS: little Mike's lady is quite pretty isn't she. he done good.
evile: she's a Goddess :)
SkyeDS: :)
evile: I need to make it to another first Friday show at Casa de Luz.
SkyeDS: nodnodnod
evile: that's where I got my first upclose & personal look at
American Tribal & fell in love :)
SkyeDS: or lust as the case may be :P
evile: it's more of an aesthetic thing than a visceral thing, so I'll
call it "love"
SkyeDS: hehe ok
evile: Valeda=lust.
SkyeDS: ya
SkyeDS: except for that horrid green top
evile: I just want to wear the American Tribal stuff,not lick it. :P
evile: Valeda is a 20-something college kid, I"m sure her wardrobe
budget isn't as great as she'd like it to be. With the various dance
disciplines she studies, I'm sure the green top is more practical to
buy than some pretty $60 dance bra :P
SkyeDS: she'd look better without one at all
SkyeDS: /me ducks and runs
evile: *nodnod* and thus the thoughts of licking ...
SkyeDS: <mutters> bad, bad, bad ~ particularly given my reading
material the last few days.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: anyway, I doubt any desirable woman is going to give me that
opportunity until I lose about half of what I weigh now. I haven't
been propositioned in years.
evile: me neither, not seriously anyway. For me it's a relief :P
SkyeDS: the last few times I was propositioned, it was always close
friends, and it wouldn't have felt right anyway.
evile: then again, I am about as sensitive as a brick wall, so I
might not have noticed one if it was there...the myers briggs puts me
as an INTJ about half the time and an INFJ the other half...but I'm
much more comfortable with Thinking than Feeling.
evile: I know what you mean about friendships...if the romance doesn'
t work out, you've lost a friend, too, and that's not worth the risk,
to me.
evile: or at least riske d the friendship, if not ruined
it...sometimes you can go back to being friends after not making it
as lovers, but it's rare
SkyeDS: I don't really have set parameters in my head, I think I will
just know when/if it's right time, right person or not, and so far,
it hasn't been, and was just, weird.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: you of course have quite a few experiences up on me in this
regard
SkyeDS: plus now I have to get permission from not one but two places
SkyeDS: and while I'm sure both of them would say yes really fast, I
don't want male audience nor participation in the first time.
evile: yeah.
evile: I think there are a lot of women looking for female
relationships and get totally turned off by the HBB hunters.
evile: So telling a potential girlfriend that you want the
relationship to focus on you and her would probably go a ways toward
setting that worry aside.
SkyeDS: I get tired of the constant assumptions on the parts of
vanilla mundane muggles that my life is one round of menage a trois
after another
evile: It's nobody's business, anyway.
evile: they're probably just painting their fantasies on your canvas.
SkyeDS: the mythical me always was much more exciting dangerous and
adventurous than the real me, even in high school
evile: heh
evile: I lived my legend for about 1 summer and it just about killed
me...the alcohol poisoning alone would have done me in if I'd tried
to keep it up any longer.
evile: & very lucky I didn't end up with any parasites.
evile: (bacterial, viral, or fetal)
SkyeDS: I gave long thought to what Kaleon could possibly have been
referring to when he implied that i forced some sort of sex play on
him
SkyeDS: in that you may or may not have already known but, while he
may have physically beena virgin
SkyeDS: he was far less innocent than me in a lot of ways (primarily
kink)
SkyeDS: so I was very rarely the one coming up with new games to
play. hence my confusion about the whole business of "force"
SkyeDS: a) he came up with new games, not me and b) no force was
involved on either side ever
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: first I thought it was the odd requests he made in the shower
SkyeDS: and then I figured it out
SkyeDS: we had two fights that ended in sonar0m and sineater coming to
rescue me from his apartment
SkyeDS: wherein I was supposed to meet either sonar0m or sineater some
place at a specific time and Kaleon had pretty much held me hostage,
and they came looking for me
SkyeDS: because knowing I was there, they called to find out where I
was
SkyeDS: and he LIED to them and told them I had already left and he
didn't know where I was
evile: wierd
SkyeDS: anyway, those instances escalated pretty much into all out
warfare, wherein I went back to the ranch, and they told Kaleon, if he
wanted to repair the situation, he could come to teh ranch
SkyeDS: but under no circumstances was I going to be left in his
apartment alone and subject to his "tender" mercies ever again
SkyeDS: so he spent the night at the ranch on these two separate
occasions.
SkyeDS: and sineater and sonar0m would not let him be alone with me, for
very good reason.
SkyeDS: so when he got hormonal, as he always does when drama is
involved
SkyeDS: sonar0m was in bed next to me on both occasions
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: he made what he wanted clear, and sonar0m wouldn't leave us
alone, and so he just proceeded anyway, with sonar0m' participation
evile: hm.
SkyeDS: just funny/amusing/ironic/paradoxical that the story is now
that I forced things on him he didn't want
SkyeDS: when the whole situation not once but twice was instigated
every step of the way by him.
evile: bizarre.
SkyeDS: he's damn lucky they didn't call the cops on him for keeping
me hostage and lying to them
SkyeDS: particularly after he or his family called the cops on sineater
more than once
evile: wow!
SkyeDS: it's amazing what you can do with a story when you only tell
one side or another of it
evile: yup
SkyeDS: witness Tanith lee's marvelous retelling of classics
evile: *nodnod*
SkyeDS: when Jurgen was busy telling a complete stranger (to me)
about last CRW, he neglected to mention that it wasn't a real ax.
evile: jeez.
evile: The story is bad enough without distorting it...
SkyeDS: important little piece of information, handy to have, that.
SkyeDS: sineater and I are still not terribly happy with some of our
dirtier personal laundry coming out publicly, particularly to the
HFS, whose business it is emphatically NOT.
SkyeDS: and now I suspect I know how it got out, I've always wondered.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: because, of course, when what got out, got out, it was the
smallest grain of truth possible, fleshed out as fully as possible by
slants and lies
SkyeDS: and then people wonder why I get so mad so fast and draw the
sword and start hacking my way through all the bullshit.
evile: it happened in front of a fairly large audience, I wonder why
people would choose to believe his version over others?
SkyeDS: I cannot possibly be as confusing as everyone wants to say I
am.
SkyeDS: I am nothing if not predictable
SkyeDS: I ALWAYS lose my temper and draw the sword when I have
exceeded my bullshit tolerance.
SkyeDS: he didn't give out his version on his own
SkyeDS: he gave it to Kim Green
evile: oh.
SkyeDS: who then perverted it even further
SkyeDS: and everybody listens to Kim Green. She is a favorite
perveyor of drama.
SkyeDS: purveyor rather
SkyeDS: Kaleon was quite set to wreak havoc not just on me and sineater
but your entire family.
evile: hm.
SkyeDS: insidious little creature, I don't think he's ever going to
learn that minnows do not swim with sharks for long.
evile: If Kaleon had approached Stepdad or anyone else with a smear
campaign against sineater, I'm sure he would have been dealt with.
evile: Stepdad's epithet for Kaleon when he was living with y'all
was "weasel dick"
SkyeDS: you don't think that all the drivel he spouted to you about
slave contracts, bird cages and horse whips was damage enough to a
family relationship?
evile: He would tell me he'd called the house looking for sineater and
end up talking with this stranger, and get pissed off.
evile: sineater is a big boy. If he wants to engage in that sort of
behavior, and you want to, too, that's your business.
SkyeDS: he didn't need to launch a smear campaign on his own, all he
needed to do is fill your head full of bullshit and turn you loose
SkyeDS: you are quite predictable too.
evile: I don't understand why people do certain things, but they're
grownups, and I am trying very hard to step back and not let my own
judgement get in the way.
SkyeDS: he spouts any more drivel about sineater and sineater's going to kill
him.
SkyeDS: and I"m not going to stop him this time.
SkyeDS: people have NO clue about why sineater doesn't lose his temper
anymore often then he does.
evile: If sineater gets that out of control of his temper, than jail time
is probably the best thing for him...
SkyeDS: yes, there was a slave contract for a while.
evile: none of my business.
SkyeDS: it was NOT a sexual contract in ANY way
SkyeDS: it was an effort to help sineater learn self control
SkyeDS: AFTER he went through anger management counseling mandated by
the court so that I could get him out of jail
SkyeDS: that is the ONLY grain of truth, and all the rest of it was
histrionic melodramatic bullshit concocted to raise ire and stir shit.
SkyeDS: it's just like X's letter writing campaigns
evile: I know you've hit sineater, and I know sineater has hit you. You
choose to stay together in spite of the violence, and I do believe
you're working on it. It distresses me to think of either of you
being beat up, but it's your life and your choice.
SkyeDS: you can't defend yourself because for the most part
people "... can't handle the truth" to quote Jack Nicholson in A Few
Good Men
SkyeDS: well, you know what? we both have reputations, you and I
SkyeDS: what do people think is going to happen if they continue to
provoke either one of us?
SkyeDS: I'm not Wiccan, I don't live by the Wiccan Rede. I am
Streghe, I am Italian, we are the originators of "mafia"
and "vendetta."
evile: I am not sure what kind of reputation you may be talking about
with reference to me...other than overprotective and bossy.
SkyeDS: that's true too
SkyeDS: you have the reputation for bark alone
SkyeDS: whereas mine is bite
SkyeDS: but the two usually go hand in hand
evile: *shrug* I don't know who thinks this about me, it's their
business.
SkyeDS: one of the original propositions for the american flag was a
rattlesnake with the motto "don't tread on me".
evile: I can't support or condone anyone I care about being brutal to
someone else I care about. If I have to back away and ignore them
both, for my own sanity, I will. It makes me sad, but that's the only
thing I can do if they are in it of their own free will.
SkyeDS: I am referring now to the tendency of those whom we have both
cut out of our lives to take their drama to other family members to
reinsert themselves.
evile: And dont' ask me what I think of it, because I am an honest
person,a nd I don't know how NOT to be.
evile: the only way I can deal with a lot of stuff is just to not say
anything at all. I"m getting better at that.
SkyeDS: I suppose if they stuck to the truth, it wouldn't be drama.
SkyeDS: and as you said earlier, the truth is bad enough, it doesn't
need to be salted and peppered.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: anyway, I am pretty sure there are things you didn't want to
know and didn't appreciate him sharing with you.
SkyeDS: anymore than we wanted you to know or wanted shared with you.
evile: It seems that at least in the jose/axe situation, you realized
at once that you had crossed a boundary and were instantly contrite.
It's too bad that people weren't willing to let it go at that.
SkyeDS: and as dark as the truth of the matter was, it didn't need to
be infused with cholula.
SkyeDS: contrite?
evile: I dont think either of you are perfect, but I do think you are
working on it.
SkyeDS: I banished myself to the river where I intended to stay,
alone, until everyone else had gone.
SkyeDS: if I had been able to get away from myself, I would have.
evile: contrite

adj 1: feeling or expressing pain or sorrow for sins or offenses
[syn: remorseful, rueful, ruthful, sorry] 2: feeling regret for a
fault or offence

evile: I don't think I misused the word.
SkyeDS: didn't mean to imply misuse, meant to imply understatement
SkyeDS: if I had been able to just disappear into thin air, I would
have (I am not a suicidal person, for any reason)
evile: I know it upset you. I know you felt very bad. I wasn't trying
to make light of your feelings.
SkyeDS: sokay, I know you weren't :)
SkyeDS: I get so caught up in trying to get rid of the constant
onslaught of crises, with the truck, the trailer, sineater's frequent
joblessness, that when I emerge and stick my head out to find this
shit flying, I'm inclined to retreat back into my shell.
evile: You definitely have more immediate worries than what Kaleon
thinks of you & what he may be saying to whom.
SkyeDS: must be nice to be X or Kaleon, who obviously don't have
enough real crises of their own, so they have to go and create them
SkyeDS: I spend all my time trying to get out from under some crisis
or another, I REALLY don't understand the need to create them where
they don't already exist.
evile: *nod*
evile: I think X's life is terribly bleak and marginal, but since
she doesnt' have any interest or ability to fix her self, she goes
and stirs up shit elsewhere.
SkyeDS: why can't they just "get a life" (short and sweet, three
monosyllables)
evile: Kaleon, probably the same, but since he has no dependents, I
don't really care if he flushes his life down the shitter.
SkyeDS: and that's a good point too. X HAS a life, she needs to
raise her brood.
evile: Were you re-reading his old stuff from last year when he got
in that flamewar on his LJ?
SkyeDS: he got into a flamewar with someone else?
SkyeDS: or do you mean the flamewar he got into with "anonymous"
evile: yes.
SkyeDS: I haven't read that since it happened.
evile: so why did this come up for you today, if I may ask?
SkyeDS: at first I thought truthfully that anonymous might be you
SkyeDS: since you have made the observation on more than one occasion
that he is always reminiscing about middle and elementary school
relationships
SkyeDS: <goes bakc and rereads to see if I can retrace footsteps>
SkyeDS: I think it went along the lines of <experimenting with
another woman><threesomes><I think I figured out where Kaleon got the
idea to say I forced him to perform sexual acts against his will>
evile: I did make an anon. post in his LJ once, but that wasn't it.
SkyeDS: well, if I remember correctly, eventually it began to look
like it was one or both of the boys together.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: neither will fess and so I don't bother anymroe
SkyeDS: I have my suspicions that sineater got the "you've never had but
one adult relationship in your entire life" and "you keep going
around to our homes and parties spouting blah blah blah" from you.
evile: *shrug*
SkyeDS: he will appropriate good and valid points from other sources
if he can remember them long enough ROFL
SkyeDS: IF that's the case in this instance it's just as well that he
didn't credit his source.
evile: whoever wrote it overstated the case to make a point, but
whatever.
SkyeDS: the boys are both prone to hyperbole in their story telling
(as I am for that matter)
evile: I think he went to exactly one poly dinner, exactly one GWNN
munch, and exactly one party with me
evile: I knew he needed to decompress and bitch, so I let him, but
when it became obvious that he wasn't going to get over it and just
keep bitching, it got a bit old. I felt bad for him, but there is
such a difference between venting and wallowing, ya know?
evile: Hell, I still feel bad for him.
SkyeDS: some lines are very fine
evile: He's bright and not unattractive, but as soon as he opens his
mouth, he is going to scare people away.
evile: Nobody wants someone that negative in their life for long
SkyeDS: I still really don't understand quite what happened
SkyeDS: Dr Laura is always saying, there were signs, you should have
heeded them
evile: well, I'm glad that in the aftermath, sineater and I are still on
speaking terms, and you and I are still on speaking terms.
SkyeDS: I don't understand what happened to the very lovable person
of three years
SkyeDS: and sometimes I wonder if it was an illusion, or not
SkyeDS: I've gone on more than one occasion without speaking to my
family for months sometimes years on end. I don't want sineater to go
there, so I do my best not to let him, regardless of whether the
offenses at which he is aggrieved are aimed at me or not.
evile: sometimes people just outgrow one another.
SkyeDS: I phrased that badly
SkyeDS: rather than not to let him, I try very strongly to persuade
him otherwise.
evile: sometimes people make choices that take them far from the best
person they are capable of being.
SkyeDS: "men marry women expecting them not to change. women marry
men expecting them to change. it never happens."
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: if you want to look at it from the perspective of "Skye
changed, it was her fault"
SkyeDS: you can make that argument
SkyeDS: successfully.
SkyeDS: but if it was necessary for the dynamic between sineater and me
to be unhealthy so that the dynamic between Kaleon and me could be
healthy, I'm sorry, but no.
evile: everyone changes. It's healthy to grow and change, it's
unhealthy to keep going around in the same old patterns.
SkyeDS: and I am thankful that the dynamic between sineater and me is
healthy now, and it might not have been if not for Kaleon.
SkyeDS: and I would gladly even put that in my LJ, that I do not cry
that it's over, I smile for the three years it happened.
SkyeDS: but I don't see any point in doing that since he's so busy
saying the whole entire affair was rotten from the get go, because
I'm an abuser, bla bla bla
evile: some say that every person in your life is there for a
reason...there's something there for you to learn from & help you
grow.
SkyeDS: a reason, a season, or a lifetime
SkyeDS: I am grateful for the good times, and some day I'll post that
probably regardless.
evile: god/dess doesn't give us more than we can handle...but
sometimes I am sad that s/he thinks I'm so strong.
SkyeDS: I think S/He has grievously mistaken my strength.
evile: heh. I think that in a contest between you and God, it would
turn out that s/he knows more than you. :P
SkyeDS: probably
evile: maybe not much more.
SkyeDS: but S/He can feel free to stop any time now :P
evile: heh. yeah.
SkyeDS: although I do tend to come out of most crises thinking, ok,
I've been through worse (now that it's all over said and done)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: like trails
SkyeDS: I'm the world's biggest chickenshit
SkyeDS: even some baby trails, I get really phobic, and there's no
way out
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: so I give up, give in, tie the reins to the saddlehorn and
bury face and hands in mane, and let Mirage get me out.
SkyeDS: and eventually I look back and think, that wasn't so bad,
matter of fact, think I'll go back and do that again tomorrow.
SkyeDS: I still don't want to apply this to rollercoasters mind you.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: people don't like it when their lines get blurred
SkyeDS: particularly the pain pleasure line
SkyeDS: and those of us whose lines are finer than others, and who
are constantly pushing those lines and boundaries outward, we make
the vanilla mundane muggles nervous.
SkyeDS: I really don't want to believe that the Kaleon I loved was a
lie or an illusion
evile: yup
SkyeDS: that's just not a good thought, in general
evile: no.
SkyeDS: and makes me rather stupid, in particular
SkyeDS: but I do still believe that it's easier to keep up a front
long distance.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: this 20 yo young man and his mom were on dr. laura today
SkyeDS: he was engaged to be married until his dad left his mom, to
shack up with his fiancee
evile: ouch.
SkyeDS: and he was feeling understandably like his whole 20 year
existence was nothing but a lie
SkyeDS: and she made the good point that just because someone who has
been genuine for 20 years makes the decision to be a bum, doesn't
mean they've always been a bum
evile: all or nothing thinking is very harmful, but easy to do.
SkyeDS: just have to figure out which litmus test to apply
SkyeDS: the "he's always been a bum and you should have seen it
coming"
SkyeDS: or "he did not begin as a bum, he recently chose to be a bum"
evile: every person has good and bad to them. Every choice they make
takes that into or out of balance.
SkyeDS: hence the Italian blessing, blessings light AND dark
(benedizioni chiari e scuri)
SkyeDS: I have explained that till I was blue in the face, that each
and every sign is just energy, that not everyone uses that energy
either positively or negatively
SkyeDS: completely outside of the fact that yes, some energies just
don't rub each other the right way, and that has nothing to do with
energy use being positive or negative
evile: right.
evile: Sort of like a Dom being Dom-ly towards me and having it piss
me off, vs him being Dom-ly to one of my sub friends and having her
go "ooh!" :P
SkyeDS: my initial reaction to Gor was, I don't see why everyone
thinks this is anthem canonic bdsm
SkyeDS: of course I am more into the D/s than the B/D and not into
S/M at all
SkyeDS: but I found a really good Gor site the other day
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: Gor-On-Earth.com
SkyeDS: figured out long long ago, and it didn't take me long then,
that I am a sub, not a slave
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and if you want to be really technical about it, a switch and
not a pure sub, but mostly sub
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and right now this moment, if you want to be really, really
academically purist about it
SkyeDS: as people in subcultures always want to be
SkyeDS: "you're just a Gor poseur/Goth poseur/whatever poseur, you
really don't get it" bla bla bla
evile: feh.
SkyeDS: I am a Free Woman with a submissive (occasionally bordering
on slavish) heart
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I don't know what I'd do in your shoes in that instance, I
haven't been there yet
SkyeDS: I suspect my outward and inward reactions would be different
for the sake of an attempt at tact
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: unless it kept happening in which instance I'm sure the sword
would eventually come out
evile: I did not threaten to remove body parts this time, I'm getting
better.
SkyeDS: the boys keep telling me I need to quit drawing broadswords
and long daggers in public
SkyeDS: as if doing it once or twice in twelve months makes it a
habit, sheesh
evile: those one or two times must have been pretty memorable, then :P
SkyeDS: it was self defense...?
SkyeDS: actually at least once it was, these "Heaven's Angels Hell's
Gate" pentecostal types were praying over my head, hands
outstretched, in tongues
evile: ick.
SkyeDS: I don't like having my personal space invaded without
invitation
SkyeDS: and four feet of steel is singularly effective in
reestablishing boundaries.
evile: Time for me to get gone.
SkyeDS: yep, wind to your wings :)
evile: Todays talk was good. I hope good for you, too.
SkyeDS: nodnodnod
SkyeDS: sees ya tomorrows
evile: *hugs* have fun with your fam.

Feb. 17, 2005

thewordnerd: Hey. So, Saturday at 1?
evile: yup. I'll get you round 12:45 if that's cool.
thewordnerd: Yeah, that works.
evile: awesome :)
thewordnerd: So I assume you aren't yogaing this weekend?
evile: nope. I ought to, but since I know e. won't be there, I
probably won't bother to get up that early.
thewordnerd: Ah. Have you thought about finding another instructor, or is
it not a priority?
evile: not a priority
thewordnerd: Ah.
evile: e. is a terribly busy little flaky person, so we only see
each other at yoga. I don't think her schedule would allow her to do
it another time.
thewordnerd: I understand. Well, I'm glad she finally updated you on what
was happening.
evile: yup.
evile: I have yoga videos & DVDs, I can do Yoga at home if I want.
Heck, I could do Yoga at bull creek park.
thewordnerd: Heh, quite possibly. :)
evile: assuming a child or dog didn't pester me :P
thewordnerd: LOL
thewordnerd: Could climb up to that vista thing again, not many children or
dogs there. :)
evile: true. hassle to haul a blanket or yoga mat that far, though.
thewordnerd: Oh, right, I hadn't considered that.
evile: it's a little rocky to go without.
thewordnerd: Right. I'm not very familiar with yoga, su I wasn't sure if it
was something you did sitting/lying down, standing up or what.
evile: all of the above.
thewordnerd: Ah.
evile: when doing yoga outdoors, I usually stick to the standing
postures.
thewordnerd: Hmmm. I could see how that would be more difficult, though.
Uneven terrain and all.
evile: yes, a lot of yoga is balance,and standing on uneven ground
will challenge that, even without standing on one foot or whatever.
evile: If I think about it, I'll bring my yoga deck on Saturday
thewordnerd: Deck?
evile: yup, it's a deck of cards with different pose, breath, or
stretch on each one. and then a little meditation to go with each
pose. The meditations are kinda dumb, but the rest is cool..
thewordnerd: Oh, *that* kind of deck. I was thinking it didn't make sense
to cart around a deck if a blanket or mat would be too much. :)
evile: doh!
thewordnerd: Ah, just read that Nikiyoy wants to go hiking with us on
Saturday. Do we want to bump everything back until 2, just have a
longer lunch, or . . .
evile: I could do that. get you at 1:45 instead of 12:45. Or she
could meet us at the park. I guess I'll see what Niki wants to do.
thewordnerd: Ok, sounds good.
evile: Niki sounds a little stressed. Trying to work, have a life,
and go to school is tough.
thewordnerd: Yeah, I don't know how she does it.
thewordnerd: I couldn't.
evile: she's 21.
thewordnerd: How do you mean that? As in, it's easier for her because she's
younger?
evile: yup
thewordnerd: Ah. Hmmm, I'd think it would be more difficult. Younger people
typically aren't the responsible ones.
evile: more energy, though.
thewordnerd: Ah, good point.
thewordnerd: Speaking of more energy, that tylonol PM worked wonders. Made
me tired enough to go to sleep before midnight, but not tired enough
to still be out of it today. :) It rocks.
evile: excellent!
evile: The mucinex was also quite effective for me. I think we made
good choices :)
thewordnerd: Yep. Think I've finally got this sleep schedule thing under
control.
thewordnerd: Ah, good. Didn't get squicked out by thinking about the
commercial while you took it? :)
evile: It's important to stay on a schedule, keeps depression at
bay :)
evile: The packaging is so NOT like the commercials, I don't know
what they were thinking when they cooked that up.
thewordnerd: Ah, that's good. Are the commercials still being aired?
evile: I don't watch that much TV, but I haven't seen any lately.
They may have scrapped the Raid bug style altogether.
thewordnerd: Good! That is a very disgusting image, now that I recall it
again. :)
evile: I saw it in print ads more than on TV, actually. Haven't read
a magazine in a while.
thewordnerd: Oh, this is beautiful. Mom just forwarded me a job posting for
an English teaching position in Victoria. I wonder if she thought
*that* one out? :P
evile: bizarre!! Did she not notice the location??
thewordnerd: I can't imagine how she couldn't have. It's a Victoria College
job posting.
evile: wierd.
thewordnerd: The only way I could possibly take that position is to move
back in with them and commute with her, as she works for VC. But that
isn't happening. No way in hell.
evile: no. I think that's a very wise choice.
thewordnerd: I even wondered if it was an online teaching position, because
I think they do some online courses, but it only casually mentions
that possibility.
evile: I can't imagine them letting an untried teacher do an online
course right off the bat.
thewordnerd: And incidentally it begins this fall, when they're threatening
to sell the condo if I'm still unemployed. I just feel like
something's amiss here.
thewordnerd: Good point.
evile: I would definitely pursue your own job search over anything
she sends you.
thewordnerd: Oh, yes, definitely happening. I just don't like what they do,
and don't like looking for the hidden plot in their actions.
evile: yeah.
evile: oh, fuck. UB is letting me have it re: Kaleon. again. more. yay.
thewordnerd: What's going on now?
evile: apparently she is attempting damage control on Kaleon's very
old stories about their 'slave contract', and the physical abuse.
thewordnerd: Ok, one sec. UB is Skye_ds, right? And Kaleon is the guy who
just left? Sorry, just making sure I've got the cast straight.
evile: yup
evile: here is what I told her. I think I did good. " I know you've
hit sineater, and I know sineater has hit you. You choose to stay together in
spite of the violence, and I do believe you're working on it. It
distresses me to think of either of you being beat up, but it's your
life and your choice."
thewordnerd: That's good. Very direct.
thewordnerd: Has she responded?
evile: ugh. what a fuckin' nutjob. she quoted "a few good men" at me,
saying she didnt' defend herself at the time because "you can't
handle the truth"
evile: she also says I'm "all bark and no bite"
evile: I dont' think she realizes the only reason she's alive is
because my brother still loves her.
thewordnerd: Yikes. I just can't think of anything to say to that.
thewordnerd: It's just . . . just stupid. She's not even trying to work
with you, just being childish about it.
evile: yup. I guess it's good that she's getting it out of her
system..if it makes her feel better and keeps it from coming up again.
evile: goddamn goddamn. And my mother and aunt are picking me up from
work so I dont' have any time to decompress from her BS.
thewordnerd: Ewww. I hate it when that happens.
evile: me too.
evile: need a margarita.
thewordnerd: Good idea. Perhaps you should keep an emergency UB
decompression flask nearby at work.
evile: heh! I've got listerine, I guess that'd do in a pinch.
thewordnerd: LOL
evile: bleh. drill the hole, pour the bleach.
thewordnerd: :)
evile: Oh well. 20 more minutes and I'm out of here.
thewordnerd: Whee. What are you planning to do with the family?
evile: no clue.
thewordnerd: Hmmm.
evile: I'm sure it will be fine. If not, I've got to get home and get
to bed eventually, so whatever it is, I can tolerate it until then.
thewordnerd: Ah, yes, good point. Have they expressed an interest in this
weekend?
evile: nope.
evile: but no idea if that is because aunt Aunt L hasn't checked her
email or what. I'll mention it in person, as well.
thewordnerd: Ah, good idea.
evile: I am sure it will be interpreted as "I have plans and can't be
bothered with you at all"
thewordnerd: Hmmm. Is that a good thing from your perspective?
evile: no, because then it will be "why can't you make time for
me/family?"
thewordnerd: Ah. Ick, that sucks.
evile: whereas what I"m saying is "I've made X plans with Y people,
but I'm free Z time, and you're more than welcome to join me for all
of the X things I'm doing"
thewordnerd: I'm sorta wondering if I'm going to get the parental phonecall
tomorrow about them dropping by this weekend, so I guess I'm kinda in
the same boat.
evile: too bad for them, if you're doing something else and not home
when they come!
thewordnerd: Heh, indeed. :)
evile: 8 minute....
thewordnerd: Yaaay. :)
evile: I wish it was Friday....
thewordnerd: Yeah, me too. I like my weekends.
evile: I have a 3 day weekend this weekend, should make my mom happy
that I have Monday to mostly spend with her.
thewordnerd: Yeah, that's a generous bit of time to grant her.
evile: we have an appointment with our accountant Monday morning, but
after that I should be free.
evile: I may or may not have a car to drive Monday, but I guess we'll
see.
thewordnerd: And theoretically she'll be close, so it wouldn't be difficult
for her to come and visit you from time to time. Hopefully she
understands that if you don't spend every waking minute with her this
weekend you'll still have a chance to see her.
evile: I hope so.
evile: yay, time to go home. *hugs* thanks for letting me vent. You
rock :)
thewordnerd: Hey, no problem. Good luck, have fun with the family.
evile: yeah, right.

Mar. 17, 2005

Boss lady is back today, after 3 days of me keeping a
low profile to keep from setting off psycho-in-charge. [Krabby]
yesterday or day before I had a folder where I was
supposed to notify an employer, but the records were
unclear on WHICH employer. So I asked psycho what to
do, and she told me to send it back to the department
that supplied the records to us. So I stuck it in the
out box.

This a.m. Boss lady brings me the folder with a little
sticky note that I shoudl have brought it to HER
instead of sending it away.

Well...a) she wasn't here and B) fucking psycho told
me to send it to the dept, and since we were signing
in/out to psycho, I ASSumed that meant Psycho was
acting supervisor and should be asked for help with
tough cases and obeyed whatever she told us to do with
said tough cases. Fuck me for asking.

There goes my motivation for today.

OH, and K----- got on the elevator this a.m. and expressed
diappontment that I hadn't baked, since I 'always' bake. WTF, man.
What alternate universe are these fucking people living in??