2655 Re: email to J-Law

 

 

16 Nov. 10:50 am

 

 

Date: Tue, 16 Nov 2004 09:38:49 -0800 (PST)
From: J-Law


Hey, girl!

Sorry I couldn't write more yesterday; up to my ass in alligators. :
( My Howard/Cynthia scheduling conflict is still unresolved (did I
write to you about that yesterday, or no?), but I've looked at
Howard's motion papers and I just can't see how he could need me
tomorrow. If he does need a paralegal, anyone would do.

Ohwell. I told Cynthia where we are, and I think any negotiation in
the schedule is up to her now.

I am so glad that you found the Silver Oak. That's a very good
bottle of wine. A nice special occassion wine. :) I can't imagine
why the salespeople were so weird about it all, though. You're right
to just ignore it, and be happy with your purchase. Shane and I are
going to the release party (in January) for Silver Oak's Napa Valley
cab (the current release is from the Alexander Valley). It's going
to be fun. :)

I picked up our (me and Shane's, that is) Thanksgiving wine last
night - one of Nickel & Nickel's cabs. Here's a weird thing. At
nearly every wine shop that has it, it is $75. For some reason, K&L
Wine Merchants has it for $59.99. I could understand a couple bucks
here and there, but that is a $15.00 difference! They have the best
prices I have seen, even factoring the two shops where I get
discounts. While I was at it, I picked up a Nickel & Nickel
merlot. :)

I still have to get the Turkey Day wine for the family stuff - it
won't be Nickel & Nickel, but it will be drinkable.

I am still stunned re: your mom's decision to come stay with/help out
[brother A] and rubber_pig. On the one hand, her willingness to pack up and come
down to help is admirable. But clearly, she is sacrificing way too
much (e.g., G) for something that, sadly, is a lost cause. [brother A]
and rubber_pig are black holes - they will suck up all of her emotional
and mental reserves, not to mention time and money. I know your mom
has feelings for [brother A]; but if G doesn't
think it necessary to come down and bail him out (yet again), your
mom's actions are definitely excessive.

I don't think your reaction/feelings are from jealousy or
selfishness. I think you are coming from a place of having become an
adult and struggled through your own stuff and taking care of your
own problems. [brother A] is nearly thirty, and has not done that, nor
demonstrated any willingness (or even ability?) to do that. As a
result, he has been the beneficiary of family assistance for years.
That is an extremely frustrating situation to witness, whether the
assistance comes from [aunt L] & [uncle B] - their generosity being taken
advantage of, or your mom & G, who can't really afford it,
especially if your mom isn't working and G has to pick up the tab.

I don't think any of it is fair, especially your mom abdicating her
responsibilities vis a vis G.

As for the past stuff - as much as it hurt at the time, and probably
still feels a little 'bruised,' you've probably let most of that go
already. This stuff with [brother A] probably brought some of it back, but
I know you can let the rest of it go. It's not right or fair, but I
think parents tend to "be there" less for the kids they know can
handle things - in a sense, it is a compliment to your strength. But
it would also be nice to have them around when the bad stuff happens.

I have every confidence in you, my dear. None of this is easy, but
you will handle everything with your usual courage and
determination.

LOVE YOU!

J-Law
===================
me to J-Law:

I called in sick today, in order to finish up laundry & sleep in.
I've accomplished the sleeping part, now to the laundry.

Sounds like work has been busy-crazy. My boss has been nitpicking me
to death lately, so I thought it might be nice to have a day away
from that, and for her to have a day where things stack up a little
because I'm not there. A nice little attitude adjustment for all
concerned.

You are 100% right about the whole [brother A]/rubber_pig situation. [aunt L] feels
like once Mom is up close and personal with rubber_pig, Mom won't last
long. She will lose patience with her selfishness and all of [brother A]'s
excuses for not getting a job, and bail out. My friend Kulilinei was
telling me they don't even need a blood test anymore, they can just
take a swab of the inside of everyone's cheek. So hopefully we can
get that paternity test for the new baby, just in case.

(Oh, BTW, G is [brother A]'s step-dad, but adopted him legally when [brother A]
was about 9, so for all practical purposes, yes G is [brother A]'s dad
and while G loves him alot, G has learned from dealing with
sineater that you have to let your kids make their own way in life, as
sad and scary as it gets to watch them make their own mistakes at
times.)

And...yeah, if [sister H] or I had been fuckups, she would have been there
for us, too. I know that, intellectually. But emotionally it still
ends up feeling like Mom loves [brother A] more. I know that's not the case.
But it's hard to argue with feelings.

I slept in today, and the phone rang about 8:30 or 9. It was the
school nurse at {X's son J]''s school, saying J wasn't feeling
well and needed to be picked up. That was a little heart-wrenching.
But...even if I had gone to get him, X would have had the cops
after me for kidnapping or some shit. Even though it's HER shoddy
record-keeping that has left me on the school's emergency call list.
I can't think about [X's} kids...it just breaks my heart. And,
I've formed a link in my head between rubber_pig & X, and put up a wall
against rubber_pig's kids, because I can see the writing on the
wall...rubber_pig's going to kick [brother A] out of her life and the kids will
no longer be allowed to see us.