EJ - IM with skye 4/29/04

 

2163 ICQ w/A

 

Apr. 29, 2004

 

evile: I have phone duty for lunch, so I won't be on at my normal
time. Will probably be super busy 1130-1230. So I figured I'd hop on
early & say hi.
SkyeDS: hugs
SkyeDS: you should give yourself your lovely friend for your birthday
SkyeDS: while Sweetie is at the titty bar
evile: ?
evile: I'll be in Montana while Sweetie's at the titty bar.
SkyeDS: <grins and ducks out of reach>
evile: [mouser] is way cool. He's one of the first poly group people I
met
SkyeDS: he would be a most excellent present to yourself
SkyeDS: at any time.
evile: He is a nice person. I love his GF Angela, too. Their GF that
I met at CMA Beltane though...ick.
SkyeDS: is a shame for mouser to have ick in his life.
SkyeDS: you should replace her :)
evile: He likes her. Angela likes her. Just because I didn't doesn't
really mean she's Ick.
evile: Very very intelligent, uses 50 words when 3 would do, makes
obscure literary & film references seemingly on purpose to make
people feel stupid...Or maybe she's just THAT smart.
evile: I probably come off like that to certain people in certain
situations...
SkyeDS: you can be intimidating.
evile: exactly. And I don't think I'm Ick. Just not every person's
cuppa tea.
SkyeDS: I"m told I can be intimidating, although I don't see it
<shrug>
evile: You are/can be.
SkyeDS: I don't see myself as an intellectual snob although I
admittedly despise stupid people
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: it's just that I know so many people who are so much smarter
thane me
SkyeDS: so I don't see myself as being on the elevated plane with the
snobs
evile: *shrugs* I imagine it would depend on the topic of
conversation. Mouser & Apple's GF seemed to steer it into the deep
waters where only she could swim. I don't think you and I do that so
much. Then again, maybe I was just having some bizarre jealousy of
their GF since I like them both so much. :P
SkyeDS: I would rather find out what I have in common adn steer it
there.
SkyeDS: or steer it somewhere where the other person knows something
I don't so I can learn something
evile: yeah
evile: I think she was in grad school at the time I met her, so maybe
she was having a conversation typical of folks in school. I do seem
to remember having more intellectual conversations in college than
I've had since.
SkyeDS: one of the joys of college, eating and drinking until 3 am
having brilliant and pointless debates about numbers of angels or
demons and heads of pins
evile: yup.
evile: Some people I just dont' mesh with. Doesn't mean they're bad
people or I'm a bad person, we just don't mesh. I think this was the
case with B&A's GF.
SkyeDS: so they need two GFs :P
evile: *shrug* I'm sure neither Mouser here in Austin, Angela in ABQ,
and their GF in Dallas(?) have problems finding interested parties.
SkyeDS: I would bet the ranch on that.
evile: :)
SkyeDS: oh to be young thin and sinngle again <sigh>
evile: heh
evile: I'll never be 25 again, but it's possible that I might get
back down to that weight....
SkyeDS: I know what I need to do to do it, so nothing to it, but to
do it.
SkyeDS: unfortunately, I have bigger fish to fry at the moment.
evile: yeah, RL gets in the way sometimes.
evile: The nice thing about getting a really pissed off caller is
that it's good for at least 10 minutes of not having to answer any
more calls. The shit thing is that they're pissed off and yelling at
ME.
SkyeDS: :-/
evile: And this was one of my favorite kinds--yelling 'racism' an
telling me he'd been told something by someone else at TWC that
nobody would ever tell a claimant
SkyeDS: I hate that.
evile: *sigh* it does make the day pass quicker, though.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: I'll be done at 3:20, able to get in a good walk after work.
Assuming it's not raining.
SkyeDS: gloomy out
evile: yup.
evile: Poly dinner tonight is close-ish to your work.
SkyeDS: if I didn't have other unpleasantness to attend to
evile: sorry to hear that.
SkyeDS: would love to see Mouser again <sigh>
evile: now that he's back in town, he'll probably be a regular at
poly dinners & PNOs
SkyeDS: :)
evile: work unpleasantness, or other?
SkyeDS: got to go collect back rent. again.
evile: tedious!!
SkyeDS: she gave me $400 out of $750 just before I went to seize
stuff last time
evile: sounds like she knows how to play this game.
SkyeDS: she was supposed to have all of it, she promised when we gave
her another month
SkyeDS: well, she isn't going to like the game I play monday.
SkyeDS: I left her a note on her kitchen table that I would be out of
town Fri - Sun
SkyeDS: to leave the money, either with kid, Kelly, or on table (I
have keys) today.
SkyeDS: sonar0m does not have class monday.
SkyeDS: Monday she will be not one but two months behind again.
SkyeDS: so on Monday we go over there and take tvs, stereos and other
electronics
evile: not good
SkyeDS: she does not want to play this game with me
SkyeDS: I don't like it, and I'll play it to kill, because I don't
watn to play.
SkyeDS: I am not pleasant when I am forced to do things I don't want
to do.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: that remidns me, I need to put out feelers in the more than
dozen groups I belong to, to see if I can find a renter without
general advertising.
evile: that might be good.
SkyeDS: I had a good time last night, thank you.
evile: I'm glad. Sweetie was in a bad mood because of work stuff. He
didn't even want to hear my story about the obnoxious yuppie bitch
who fought over chairs with me.
SkyeDS: I can't read Sweetie very well, so I just try to stay out of his
way.
evile: I'm glad mouser showed up, otherwise it probably wouldn't have
been much of a 'happy' hour.
SkyeDS: even Sweetie seemed happy to see mouser
evile: some kind of murphy's law: I was saving 2 chairs because
that's how many I was *for sure* expecting. Then I gave up and gave
a chair away and voila! People!
SkyeDS: lolol
SkyeDS: skye's corrolary: if I invite them, they will not come. if I
don'tn invite them, they invite themselves along.
SkyeDS: I think I'm going to go to Somerville for my birthday.
evile: Mouser is very personable, can converse on a variety of topics:
gamer, geek, rennie, pagan, poly, kink, books, movies, etc.
SkyeDS: and I"m just going to post it, with the SCA, ad theHFS, that
I am going to the lake for the weekend and spending it in garb
SkyeDS: ya'll want to come, come
SkyeDS: and see what happens
evile: sounds like fun.
evile: BTW, I wanted to tell you: you don't need an 'invite code' to
start a Livejournal anymore. Here's the link. Enter with caution!
https://www.livejournal.com/create.bml
SkyeDS: I need to do that, and the Orkut thing
evile: It's kinda addictive, and always tempting to share TMI with
people who may or may not appreciate it/approve. I keep promising to
keep it to "where I'm going and what I'm doing' and invariably end up
on a soap box about something.
SkyeDS: if I remember you have an English degree, so you need a place
to vent.
evile: I used to have another online diary, but LJ is cooler in that
you can create 'special filters' and post things that only X person
sees, or only people from X group can see.
evile: I've got a paper journal, I've got a 'secret' online journal,
I've got my old online diary, and now my LJ. Plenty of places to
vent. I get addicted to feedback is what's happened, I think.
SkyeDS: so?
SkyeDS: what's wrong with that.
evile: double edged sword, that. You want feedback=you want approval.
When people object to your thoughts or disagree with your post, it's
far more hurtful than it has a right to be.
SkyeDS: true
evile: even though intellectually you understand that just because
someone is a friend & likes you, does not mean they have to agree
with you 100% all the time!
evile: Worse, you post something of importance to you, and nobody
responds...which ends up creating hurt where none needed to exist.
evile: Talulah keeps trying to friend me on Orkut. :(
SkyeDS: I sent three essays to the coven list and complete crickets
(this is months ago)
SkyeDS: I think I'll write amberlyn privately and ask her if she
would please comment on them, even if to say, no comment.
SkyeDS: I don't see any point in doing any further homework when I
get no feedback.
evile: I think that's a reasonable request.
evile: How can you learn & grow without constructive criticism?
evile: In LJ, I created a 'kink' filter & made sure everyone on it
knew I was going to post kinky stuff & that it was OK with them,
everyone seemed enthusiastic, and then I posted my 'interest list'
and some questions, and *crickets chirp*...so now I'm wondering if
I'm too wierd, too vanilla, if my disapproval of something offended
someone who was into that...or WHAT.
evile: I can't be the only person in the world who is interested in -
stuff- and yet has a bit of shyness talking about -stuff- with people
she does not know well yet, even in venues geared towards -stuff-.
SkyeDS: Sineater and I had that convo this morning
SkyeDS: it was very...nnot hurtful
SkyeDS: but painful
SkyeDS: he wanted to know why I don't share my "interests" with him
evile: in a 'growing pain' kind of way,or just painful?
SkyeDS: and I said well, a very long time ago, when I had friends in
a femslave channel, you said that all my friends were weak and abused
and that's why they're subs
SkyeDS: so I was in no big hurry to let you know that you just
slammed me too.
evile: *nods*
SkyeDS: it's like my singing c/w a long time ago
SkyeDS: you put it down all the damn time
SkyeDS: that makes me feel bad.
SkyeDS: he has this big list of things that he's always slamming, and
slamming hard
evile: sounds like a constructive conversation that was LONG
overdue...
SkyeDS: so no, I'm not in a hurry to be vulnerable that way
SkyeDS: adn of course he remembers none of this.
evile: Because it didn't hurt him, it was just an off the cuff
comment that struck you hard.
SkyeDS: I don't think I'm that unusual. I think if your partner
rants and rails against things in general that most people wouldn't
be in a hurry to volunteer such invformation
evile: the nice thing about poly, I've observed, is that no one
person has to be/do everything for the other person. This partner is
a musician, you play music together. This partner is a writer, you
write stories together, etc. Different sides of yourself find
completion in different people.
evile: So, it's OK for Sineater not to be into BDSM, you can find other
partners who will play with you in that way.
SkyeDS: well that's what I thought
SkyeDS: except it hurts his feelings to be excluded
SkyeDS: but he gave me the impression years ago he didn't WANT to be
included.
evile: Well...seems like that's his problem.
evile: and not yours. You are not a mind reader, and you are not
going to ruin your own fun by dragging him to stuff he's not
interested in.
SkyeDS: and truthfully he's damaged trust with me enough in that area
of our lives (sexually) that I don't know if I could play with him
even if I wanted to
SkyeDS: vanillas have no clue how much trust is in a bdsm
relationship (a good one anyway)
evile: yup
SkyeDS: how many people atteded your biggest house party?
SkyeDS: did anythingn get broken or go missing?
evile: I am not sure if housewarming or Decemberween #1 was the
biggest. No thefts or breakages i can recall.
evile: maybe 60 people ?
evile: people come & go, it's hard to keep track.
SkyeDS: but it doesn't give you cardiac arrests.
evile: No.
evile: I get all my stress out of the way before the party, or try to.
SkyeDS: I know it's innate to you
SkyeDS: but could you teach me?
evile: ? I dunno.
SkyeDS: (hey Skye, I know it's innate, but can you teach me to play
by ear <sigh>)
evile: The closest 'job' thing to hosting a good party is
probably..."stage manager"--you've got the script & the list of
players & props, you make sure everybody and everything are in place
when they're supposed to be, and let it go...
SkyeDS: I think I'm an ok manager. I just don't like being leader.
Is difference.
evile: I make a lot of lists.
evile: things to buy, things to do, people to invite, and maybe a
timeline on when these things get done.
SkyeDS: I do that already :)
SkyeDS: listmakinng
SkyeDS: used to do it all in my head
SkyeDS: but my much vaunted memory is going as I get older and so now
I write it all down
evile: I've always been a list writer
SkyeDS: E and M are always commenting on my memory, and I keep
telling them it isn't what it used to be.
evile: heh.
evile: I read this horribly depressing book about "what to expect in
your 30s"...your brain actually DOES shrink. And not a damn thing you
can do about it, apparently.
SkyeDS: heaven help me I'm thinking about having a house party like
one of yours.
evile: You should :)
SkyeDS: it would just be so much easier if I opened the house to the
event I'm going to let Silver Spire have
SkyeDS: let them have feast & or court inside
SkyeDS: and showers
SkyeDS: but I still do'nt think my septic tank can handle 30 people
for 3 days.
evile: I would think that depends on how many people they were
expecting. 30 people is a LLOT to have traipsing thru your home, esp.
using showers.
evile: Sweetie & I went to a bday party at some friends-of-friends, it
was a 'come to our land, camp out, party all weekend' party. They had
a lot of people come & go, but only about 8, in addition to their
household, stay the night & use the potty/shower facilities.
SkyeDS: how did that work?
evile: Honestly, it got a little crowded.
SkyeDS: a good field shower system can do 25 short showers before
recharging
SkyeDS: I don't even know if my hot water heater woudl do that.
evile: probably not.
SkyeDS: so maybe make bathrooms off limits
SkyeDS: but let them eat/have court inside
evile: The ren/pagan crowd does some very nice things with EZ-ups &
such for outdoor dining & entertaining. Jaime & Kathleen did that for
their New Years party.
evile: People had access to the kitchen to wash dishes or heat up
potluck dishes, but everything else was outside.
SkyeDS: cheli mentioned having feast in but court out
SkyeDS: (as something they've done before)
evile: Bottom line: it's your house & so your rules go. You make an
offer to silver spire that you'd be comfortable with,a nd if they
say 'no'...too bad for them.
evile: I think one of the reasons our parties work so well is that
it's not open to friends of friends of friends. Sweetie & I *know*
everyone who comes into our home.
SkyeDS: right
SkyeDS: and when it's just silver spire, of course they know everyone
SkyeDS: but a midreign, with a kingdom that isn't mine, and people
from all over, that requires thought
SkyeDS: but if people I knew knew everyone else
SkyeDS: everyone was a friend of Catry's, Cheli's, Chelle's, Katy's,
Mike/Rita's.
evile: It just creates more of a sense of accountability, I think. If
you like and respect the person throwing the party, you'r enot going
to trash their house.
SkyeDS: that's what seemed to work for them having them at private
homes before.
evile: yup
evile: So what are you going to do about Sineater's newfound interest in
BDSM? Is he really interested or just not wanting to be left out of
your life? Or can you tell?
SkyeDS: he just doesn't want to be left out
SkyeDS: he has nointnertest at all
evile: Sweetie has no interest in GWNN or Voyagers, but that does not
stop play between him & me behind closed doors. You might want to set
up a 'survey' with various terms/explanations and see if any of it
rings his bells.
SkyeDS: when I have time/patience (which is not right now)
evile: my first 'kink filter' LJ post was basically just a list of
everything I could think of/find and what I thought of it.
evile: I am still working up to posting similar in Voyagers.
evile: I am less worried about people saying "oh, that's gross" than
people either saying "yawn"/no reply or people saying "there's
nothing wrong with ___, there is something wrong with you for not
liking _____"
SkyeDS: yep
evile: Oh well.
evile: Despite Voyagers & GWNN's mission statements re: YKIOK... I
still worry.
SkyeDS: sexual psyche is fragile.
SkyeDS: I tried to tell Sineater that this morning
evile: To be fair, you got him while he was pretty sexually naive &
opinions he had at the beginning of the relationship may not be
opinions he still has now.
SkyeDS: yes
SkyeDS: but the damage he did doesn't just go away just like that
with his newfound interest
SkyeDS: which is more wanting to be included t han interest.
evile: yeah...
evile: And forgiving someone for hurting you is not always the same
thing as NOT being hurt anymore by what they did/said.
SkyeDS: he was long ago forgiven and it was forgotten
SkyeDS: and maybe that's the problem
SkyeDS: I forgot it
SkyeDS: so now I'm supposed to want to do something I forgot about
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: I mean, the sexual psyche isn't like other parts of the
relationship
SkyeDS: you like what you like, and not what you don't.
SkyeDS: it's not like learning to eat broccoli.
evile: But theres plenty of grey. Stuff that doesn't excite OR offend
me, but if Sweetie wanted to do it and it excited him, I'd go for it.
SkyeDS: as would I
SkyeDS: but he made it clear he isn't like that
SkyeDS: and I accepted that
SkyeDS: and went on about my way
SkyeDS: and I know I have a reputation for last minute changes of mind
SkyeDS: but not about sex
evile: And you have every right to be as you are & like what you like.
SkyeDS: I have very few concrete walls in my life, but he put one up
there a long time ago and it isn't going to come down just on his say
so, concrete doesn't work like that
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: testing.
evile: testing?
SkyeDS: connectin nbeing funny
SkyeDS: brb

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2164Re: ICQ w/A

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evilE

Apr. 29, 2004

evile: fixed?
SkyeDS: no clue sigh
evile: dang.
SkyeDS: i c u so that's good at least
evile: I tried to list my 'interests' on the Voyagers list in
the 'files' section, but...it did not wrap the lines. I couldn't
figure out how to fix it, so I deleted :(
SkyeDS: :(
evile: Well, it could have possibly been fixed by manually going in
and hitting the return key at the end of every line...but it was a
long list.
evile: I had phone duty so I am leaving pretty soon here. I may try
for a short walk even though it's icky out.
SkyeDS: :)
evile: want me to come grab you, or are you too busy for a walk?
SkyeDS: no walk today :(
evile: Okeydoke.
SkyeDS: no lunch break time saved up
evile: oh well.
SkyeDS: gave up lunch break so can leave early to deal with no fun
stuff
evile: Yuck. Well, it needs to be done.
SkyeDS: will behappy when she's replaced.
evile: sounds like.
evile: I am taking tomorrow off. Gotta see Dr D in the a.m. and then
may be rattin around, or may be running errands for Erin & Marca's
wedding prep.
SkyeDS: nodnodnod
SkyeDS: I took tomorrow off too.
SkyeDS: drivin to Huntsville
evile: That's gonna be a blast :)
SkyeDS: hopefully
evile: It will. :)
evile: So, I need to walk my paper around & get gone. Have an
excellent weekend & safe journey.
SkyeDS: ciao bella, wind to your wings
evile: *hugs*
SkyeDS: :)

 

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