evile: well, hey there :P
SkyeDS: hola :) how are you?
evile: at work. But other than that, not bad
evile: Everyone's made resolutions & is being tedious. I'm trying not
to set up yet another no-win situation for myself, but it's hard not
to get on the resolution bandwagon :)
SkyeDS: I belong to too many newsgroups, so I have them all set to
web access rather than email. And it takes me hours to check all of
them so I don't always check all of them at one time. But last time
I checked Clothiers, I see what you mean about Lisalotte - little testy.
evile: With some people, you just have to consider the source & blow
off what would be a mortal insult coming from someone else. Sharjinka
is on that list now.
SkyeDS: my resolutions were made at halloween. I haven't implemented
them yet. <shrug>. I am handling one crisis at a time.
evile: exactly. No reason to stress yourself out by creating
unreasonable and unattainable goals on top of the unpredictable shit
that life throws at ya.
SkyeDS: as much as Sharjinka loves the horses and is always the first
one on Jesse and has to be practically dragged out of the saddle, it
was Sharjinka as much as anyone who did the murmuring and what not
when I was in Drandmir <shrug>
SkyeDS: just gotta figure out what's personal eccentricities with
every individual I guess, and figure out how to deal with them, or if
you even want to.
evile: She is a drama junkie. Today on her livejournal she
declared 'war' against the entire feminine gender. Hard not to take
that personal and sling some very accurate observations her way...but
it would be pointless and just make her think worse of women in
general.
SkyeDS: I have always thought there were few women I could stand
being around. But if I gave it serious thought, I have girlfriends
enough to make that something of a lie. Although none of my
girlfriends are what I would call "normal" women.
SkyeDS: and I know that there are women who don't like me, for
whatever their (silly to me) reasons are.
evile: But, that same thing can also be said about men. I dont' think
it's 'men' or 'women' so much as just..."people".
SkyeDS: Grimassi I think it was said that some witches literally move
out into the middle of nowhere because they don't want to be around
people. The older I get, the truer that seems to be.
evile: And it just seems really disingenous to me to sit there and
bitch about someone doing XYZ and be actually sitting there doing XYZ
yourself the whole damn time.
SkyeDS: well yeah
evile: "Wah wah, somebody's talking about me behind my back, they
suck for doing that, why can't they just come up and tell me what
they're thinking" ( meanwhile here I am talking about them behind
THEIR back and not being direct and honest myself)
SkyeDS: well...unless that someone reads her journal too.
SkyeDS: so much trouble those online journals seem to promulgate. I
shudder to think what would happen if I had one. I get into so much
trouble without one.
evile: In which case, then she's just being whiney AND manipulative.
Rather than direct and honest, as she claims she IS because she
hates manipulative whiners.
evile: Hypocrisy disgusts me beyond all other flaws & sins.
SkyeDS: there wouldn't be any point in telling her this, but she is
in some ways quintessentially Cancerian/water sign.
SkyeDS: she scuttles at things sideways because crabs can move no
other way. I don't think she recognizes it, and wouldn't believe me
if I told her.
evile: My non-resolution in 2004 is to give up my diaryland diary
altogether, since it was a contributing factor in the demise of my 33
year friendship with X (no big loss, but ANYWAY) and only write
positive and/or non-personal negative things in my livejournal.
evile: example: whining about 'somebody' being mean is NOT allowed.
But whining about having to buy something expensive and ugly but
necessary IS allowed. Especially if it happens to be somewhat amusing.
SkyeDS: Kelly is also a Cancer but much less melodramatic. Nothing
melodramatic, manipulative or passive aggressive about her temper, no
ma'am.
evile: It's always interesting to see what people do with the same
basic building blocks of personality.
SkyeDS: the family counselor that the baby's family is seeing so that
hopefully he can go home soon gave them all a three page document on
the rules of fighting fair. I read it, I agree with it
wholeheartedly.
evile: hopefully they'll be able to work things out. It's very
hurtful to be on the outs with family, even if they're shitheaded
idiots.
SkyeDS: you would have been proud of me, I think.
evile: absolutely. I usually am, you know. :)
SkyeDS: I sat there without saying a word in my own defense, while I
(and sineater for that matter, who wasn't present) was called a cult
member, and accused of putting sonar0m in physical danger, including
STDs.
evile: ouch.
SkyeDS: you would have greatly enjoyed being a fly on the wall for
that hour and a half.
SkyeDS: the parentals practically handed over everything on a silver
platter, very obligingly just barely holding their insanity behind
the thinnest and most transparent of veneers.
evile: It's hard to keep in mind that these people were supposedly
saying these horrible things out of love & caring for their son.
SkyeDS: his mother kept calling me "that that that...person" as if
she were a spitting cobra. And every single time she did it the
counselor forced her to say my name.
evile: wow.
SkyeDS: it was really funny actually
SkyeDS: and then when I said, look, I began my career as a family
paralegal working with battered women and children.
SkyeDS: you're damn straight I'm not going to sit there for hours
listening to yelling and profanity and physical scuffling over the
phone and not intervene.
evile: Isn't it nice to be calm, cool & collected in the middle of
someone else behaving abominably? :P
SkyeDS: so when he called me and said yes they'd laid hands on him,
yes, I came and got him.
SkyeDS: I will ALWAYS come and get him when he calls me and asks me
to. As I do with ALL of my friends, when they ask, and if you don't
believe that, you can ask any of them.
evile: Any caring friend would have done the same,regardless of the
other aspects of the relationship. Hell, if the kid had called ME I
would have been there.
SkyeDS: so then the counselor, who surprise surprise did not know
about the yelling, profanity and physical scuffling (note I did NOT
say anyone did any hitting)
SkyeDS: asked teh parentals, they got very heated and loud and
declared that I was full of bullshit because they would never
physically abuse their son.
evile: ouch. big can o' worms.
SkyeDS: and I quietly pointed out that I never accused anyone of
fisticuffs or abuse, and that what I said was, there was a scuffle
over the phone, and they had to admit when questioned that there WAS
a physical scuffle
SkyeDS: so then the counselor took it step by step
SkyeDS: and at each step sonar0m said, x happened
SkyeDS: counselor asks parentals, is this true? "well yes"
SkyeDS: so when we got to the end of the steps, and they admitted
that yes it was all true
SkyeDS: whereas before they categorically denied everything and had
no memory of any of it
SkyeDS: "that's very interesting" ~ Capt. Jack Sparrow
evile: sounds like his relationship with the 'rents has always sucked
but having you ( or, probably, ANY girlfriend) in the picture just
brought things to a head.
SkyeDS: counselor only got on my case once, and that was for going to
pick him up in the first place, said I should have called the cops
evile: That is probably true. It could have easily turned into a
dangerous situation for you to be in.
SkyeDS: and I told him, I have more than a decade of experience with
the cops, who generally don't want anything to do with domestic
violence. And you don't call cops over a physical scuffle over
possession of the phone.
SkyeDS: and I don't have an amiable relationship with Williamson
County.
SkyeDS: and his parents HATE the cops and the military and thhat
would have just made things worse
SkyeDS: and if they got there, and the parentals laid down the
usual "we don't know what you're talking about" bullshit, then they
come after me for filing a false report, no thank you.
evile: Calling police or CPS is always uncle Uncle B's first bit of
advice too. Never involve yourself seems to be the therapists' first
priority
SkyeDS: so the counselor says, well, as much as they hate you, how
did you think you were going to impartially defuse the situation?
SkyeDS: and I said, well ya know, I never said I was impartial, and I
never used the word defuse either
SkyeDS: and I don't know how you're using it exactly
SkyeDS: and I won't play English teacher here with denotative and
connotative meaning
SkyeDS: but I never said I was impartial, never said I was objective,
and never intended to be
SkyeDS: I meant to get him out before they hit him or he hit them.
Period. And any time ANY friend of mine calls me and says come get
me out, I will. I respect your professional opinion about calling
the police, and in some circumstances if it were necessary I would
certainly do so.
evile: Your heart was in the right place, but it could have turned
out badly if his parents were in a mind to fight you physically when
you arrived.
SkyeDS: I didn't go over there to be Switzerland or negotiate
Versailles or Malta.
SkyeDS: I didn't get out of the truck
SkyeDS: I knew better.
SkyeDS: they could have called on me for trespassing if I had, I sat
in the truck and didn't unlock the door until he was standing right
outside it. Had he not come out then I would have gone and called
the cops.
evile: That was smart. You know that people are allowed to shoot
first and ask questions later when 'strangers' go on their property.
evile: In TX all you have to tell a judge is that you were in fear of
your life and you TOLD them to leave.
SkyeDS: exactly. and i had no intention of getting physically
involved either
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: if they were so damn stupid as to not let him leave the house
when I got there, THEN it IS time to call the cops
evile: exactly.
SkyeDS: and when the counselor verified that they followed him into
his room when he needed space to calm down, forcibly hugged him when
he specifically asked them not to touch him, then the counselor
dropped the line with me about you shouldn't have interfered other
than to call the cops if you were truly afraid.
evile: Under the circumstances, yes.
SkyeDS: so anyway, long story short, they basically showed their true
colors, which was very obliging of them (my family is more adroit
than that)
evile: well, they've only had 20 years of practice, compared to the
33 with yours :P
SkyeDS: I don't understand why some people react as if it is beyond
the pale for a friend to go to the physical rescue and extraction of
another friend from a bad situation.
SkyeDS: good lord, if you got into it with Mike and/or X I would
sure as hell come get you out.
evile: Unfo, if I ever saw either of them it would probably be me
doing the attacking...:( Which is why I never want to see either of
them again
SkyeDS: I know Kelly would come get me in a heartbeat if I called
her. So would Shea and Shannon if they weren't in OKC and Txka
respectively
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: I thought that's what friends did.
evile: It's good to have friends like that. But not all of them are
that active when it comes to rescue type operations.
SkyeDS: but anyway, it was very obliging of them to show their
nastiness behind the thinnest possible veneer. Now the counselor has
their number.
SkyeDS: and he kept calling them on it every time.
evile: That's really good. Hopefully they'll make some progress &
sonar0m' life will be happier.
SkyeDS: so the baby feels like he can face the next session without
me present.
evile: That's good :)
SkyeDS: Mom gave me a few new suits for Xmas, so I wore the purple
one with a black silk blouse beneath. I was quiet, soft spoken the
few times I spoke when asked to speak, and they were in sweats, and
loud, and kept interrupting.
SkyeDS: of course...I may have just managed to give the impression of
Hannibal Lector. Who was mellifluous, urbane, well spoken, and
professional - in addition to being a socio and psychopath.
evile: one of the 5,784,002 reasons I'll never have kids is that I
know the teenage phase would be too hard on me, and the whole leaving
the nest, making their own choices (and mistakes),etc... I am really
much too controlling to deal with that sort of thing.
evile: It's been hard enough being the oldest sibling & watching
Brother A, sineater, Sister H, and Ricky get out on their own & make mistakes
that I can't do anything about. :)
SkyeDS: I can imagine.
SkyeDS: I got all kinds of out of shape over my one little brother's
latest debacle over Xmas.
SkyeDS: was stupid too. I wasn't even supposed to know about it, and
he's 29 going on 30 so what is there to do
evile: The germ-vectors getting out of hand thing?
SkyeDS: oh no.
SkyeDS: he got himself into another sizable financial hole and asked
mom and dad to bail him out
evile: oh shit.
SkyeDS: doing something that mom called a spiritual betrayal of her,
dad, his wife and kids
evile: yuck.
SkyeDS: which I suspect was run off to California to cheat.
evile: lovely.
SkyeDS: he was called up out of the reserves and stationed in New
Orleans when the war started
SkyeDS: before then, they gave me the impression he was doing alright
by his family. Working as a paralegal in a law firm, working a
second job to pay for night classes and nearly finishing his degree
SkyeDS: paralegals don't get paid squat if we are not both degreed
and certified.
evile: right.
SkyeDS: actually relatively speaking most of us don't get paid squat
anyway
SkyeDS: so he takes this leave, doesn't tell the military where he's
going, and takes off to California for a week running up a 1600$ debt
in the process.
evile: nobody is paid what they're worth. I just wish the useless
folks didn't get paid so MUCH :P
evile: jeez.
SkyeDS: I don't know that cheating was involved, but I can't imagine
what else would be a spiritual betrayal of the entire family
SkyeDS: I want a six digit salary to do nothing *sigh*
evile: that is a wierd way to phrase it...it must have been something
big.
SkyeDS: well cheating is a hypothesis based on previous behaviors
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: anyway, mom and gramma had no intentions of telling me, I had
to dig it up myself
SkyeDS: and then I went off on "how could Mom possibly love him more
than me"
evile: yuck.
SkyeDS: let him have his women over, take showers with them, smoke in
the house
SkyeDS: quit high school
SkyeDS: never finish anything
SkyeDS: you know, the long list of filial f*ckups
SkyeDS: he's nearly 30, adn still doing what he always did
evile: You know, there's probably a 'syndrome' and a million dollar
book deal in there somewhere. "The Prodigal Son Syndrome".
SkyeDS: anyway, completely pointless for me to have gone off on "how
dare he do this, and why are they rescuing him yet again, and why do
they love him more" and blah blah.
evile: I can totally understand your feelings, but some battles done
been fought and you lost...no point going back over that scorched
earth.
SkyeDS: I still think a deep fat iron frying pan to the head would
benefit him immensely.
evile: probably make you feel better,too.
SkyeDS: we've both been out of the house for long enough I don't know
if it's empty nest problems or not. I just don't think he's ever
going to grow up.
evile: Well, why change behavior that gets you the desired result?
evile: We were discussing that exact same fact about Gary on New
Years' Eve, actually.
SkyeDS: I've heard it said that the personality is pretty much
cemented at 12 or 13
SkyeDS: so why should we expect them to mature after they're 18 - 21,
I guess
evile: He is a lazy, unpunctual user...and none of his friends mind,
it has no negative impact on his life, so why should he go after some
ephemeral idea of being a 'better person' or improving his 'morals'
when he does what he does and it WORKS?
SkyeDS: he's happy being that way, so why would he give a damn.
evile: Change either comes because You are unhappy with yourself the
way you are OR because external forces no longer allow you to take
the path of least resistance.... if you don't have either one, you
won't change or evolve.
SkyeDS: very difficult for external forces to work, when you have
even one enabler around
SkyeDS: in my little brother's case, the families have to enable him
to take care of his wife and three children
evile: yup. if the old way works with even one person, it's easier to
be that way. Too bad about the wife & kids...but at least the wife is
an adult who could choose something else if she was unhappy enough.
Again, easier to stay in a rut. Better the devil you know than the
devil you don't...
SkyeDS: I hear that she refused to come home from the hospital after
delivering the third until he had gotten it snipped.
SkyeDS: she is a Pisces and he's an Aries, and it can't be easy for
her.
evile: Well, good for her.
SkyeDS: but, they are in Georgia, close to her family. And, I'm
pretty sure my family would side with her over him.
SkyeDS: ironically and amusingly enough, sineater is their favorite as
well.
evile: X got a tubal after her 3rd--smartest thing that woman ever
did. // I wonder if your parents would really choose grandkids over
their kid? Probably...you're right.
evile: They didn't raise sineater, so they dont' have any ego involved in
how he turned out.
evile: And you have observed the Southern Family trait of favoring
those with penises over those without, in any situation.
SkyeDS: sineater knows how to get along with Mom and Gramma both better
than I do.
SkyeDS: that too.
evile: Reason 1,200,007 why I will never have babies. I dont' want
self-hating overacheving overweight girlchildren and useless spoiled
leech prince goldensprog boychildren.
SkyeDS: but yes, they love their grandkids, and give the impression
of loving Vanessa. And Mom's language to Stuart was stronger than
I've ever heard before, particularly about betrayal.
evile: but since any 'cutting off' of their son would possibly create
a hardship for his wife & kids, that probably won't change thier
overindulging him & bailing him out.
SkyeDS: so I suspect if they cut Stuart off, and Vanessa could not be
supported by her family, my family would take Vanessa and the kids
in, leaving Stuart to baste in his own juices, in a heartbeat.
evile: That would be funny to watch.
evile: just cuz I'm mean like that.
SkyeDS: it would mean a chance for me to meet my "real" nieces and
nephew. Which I told Gramma I would like if it could be arranged.
SkyeDS: it isn't like I have any great love for children I haven't
met and are not my blood or anything
evile: :)
SkyeDS: but my inherent nature is offended that he would do this to
three children who did not ask that he bring them into the world and
do them this way.
SkyeDS: and have no defenses.
evile: yup. I'm sure it would be hard to be even civil to him knowing
that.
SkyeDS: I can't count the number of times when I was working for Miss
Cleo that I gave clients a stern talking to about what they were
doing to their children in pursuit of their love lives
SkyeDS: as above so below, it is said. well, you're legally
responsible for them until they attain legal majority. So therefor
you are kharmically responsible for them until they reach whatever
age kharmic majority is.
evile: Well, you see the way sonar0m' parents are, and the way your
parents are...they don't have any sense of their kids as independent
individual human beings. It's as inconceivable as their hand
deciding to walk off and live on its own.
SkyeDS: lol while they're more than happy to leave me on my own.
SkyeDS: that's actually not entirely fair, yes they bail us out when
we need small amounts here and there.
evile: No, I think your mom particularly still has a tremendous
amount of self-image wrapped up in you.
SkyeDS: but I am fiercely independent.
SkyeDS: I don't ever see myself moving back home for any length of
time at all, for any reason
evile: *knocks wood*
SkyeDS: they wouldn't want me to, and truly I wouldn't want to
evile: As sad as that might make you, it's probably healthier for all
concerned.
SkyeDS: exactly, so no point in negatively pondering that they would
take him and/or the kids in faster than they would me.
SkyeDS: a) I don't WANT to be taken in
SkyeDS: b) the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
evile: yup.
evile: Wow---my day is almost over! Goes much quicker when you have
someone to talk with :)
SkyeDS: I was just thinking that you get to go home soon
evile: Are you going to any of the Drandmir stuff at lockhart park
this weekend? or the regular field at Pease Park on Sat?
SkyeDS: I do not like having to be out much when it's dreary looking
and cold out
evile: me neither.
evile: I'm very waffly on Poly dinner tonight. Cold. But I do need a
few groceries. So...
SkyeDS: I am long overdue to be somewhere. I haven't figured out
whether I'm going to the Park or to the MIdreign
SkyeDS: of course, no point in going to Park if most peeps are at
Midreign.
SkyeDS: poly dinner would be good if you were inside, then you don't
have to cook.
SkyeDS: you still have to shop sometime of course. but there you
are, at central market.
evile: Keep me posted. I have too much going on Saturday to go to
Lockhart. Bound By Desire at 2 and then GWNN munch possibly with a
party afterward.
SkyeDS: I dont' really want to go all the way to Lockhart
evile: Central market is spensive, though, AND they don't carry some
stuff, like aluminum foil and catfood and such.
SkyeDS: so I think I may go to the park, and when anyone says, but we
were all somewhere else, shrug and smile
evile: I'm sure there will be some people at Barad Duin who dont' go
to DRandmir's thing, for $ or distance or (gag) political reasons.
SkyeDS: when I was in Austin, I went just for the day for Court and
Feast. IT's a little further away now.
SkyeDS: gas and feast fees are a concern.
evile: true!
SkyeDS: I figured, if you went, I would think about it.
SkyeDS: I'm sure, if I went, there would be people there I was happy
to see....
evile: If I cared, I'd go back through Sharjinka's LJ with a HFS
calendar in another screen and see how many temper tantrums she
throws right before a big event. That would be of scientific
interest.
SkyeDS: I think I'll include sineater and sonar0m in on this decision
making, when sineater gets home.
evile: I just have too much going on in town to go out to Lockhart
park for any of it, but if y'all end up at Pease park, let me know, I
can swing by & spend some time betwen BBD and GWNN meetings
SkyeDS: I will try to get out of indecisive mode shortly (like after
sineater gets home to bounce off of)
evile: I totally understand :)
SkyeDS: have Max and/or Thomas Rhymer been keeping you company? Gwnn
doesn't seem like something that would be fun by yourself.
SkyeDS: still hard not to call him Jeff.
evile: Nah, but I hang with ladydreamtime and scrith & rainking & Andy from Poly
group. So it's all good.
evile: I might take Max to this months' party as his bday present :)
Last party he was too broke to go :(
SkyeDS: that's right, the parties do require initial investment.
evile: $15...I'd pay as much for any theatrical performance, and at
GWNN parties I sometimes get to be a performer :P
SkyeDS: I thought it was more than that...but that is probably the
yearly bash
evile: I didn't get to that one. It's a bigger cost, but it's also
like a 3 day event, if I recall.
SkyeDS: when you are packed up and ready to leave, think I'll go sit
on the couch next to the windows and watch my children play behind
the house - I put up the round pen so they could graze the dry grass
down. It's partially on the property behind me, but we have a burn
ban and have had grass fires so if the owners see it and say
anything, I will tell them they need to mow.
evile: That's a cool idea :) win-win, I would thing Anyhoo...I gotta
make my rounds & get gone.
evile: thing=think. oops.
SkyeDS: hugs - ciao :) safe journey home <wanders away>
evile: *hugs* take care! see ya soon!
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