770 will write more later.

 

•  

  Aug. 4, 2002

   

  was going to put this in diaryland. too bitter, too hurtful to my
  friends, what few of them I have left.
  
  So...my thought today is "Fuck You, Jesus".
  
  Got tired of life on this earth, gave up and went home. Fuckin'
  pussy.
  
  So, Jeez, ya didn't have to lose John to a wife and kids and he never
  calls unless he needs babysitting and/or money?
  
  So, Christ-man, you didn't have to watch Matthew put up his quills
  and parchment for good and go to work at a shitty job for the local
  produce merchant?
  
  So, ya maybe trade Your Birthday cards with Matthew, and you think
  he's workin' for a big farmer somewhere down on the Nile Delta. Maybe
  married too, but you didn't get an invitation?
  
  And, oh, whatsisname, Judas? Gah, haven't seen him in ages.
  Someone told me he was in and out of Roman prison for petty thefts
  and forgery.
  
  Yeah, and what about...oh, Thomas? Oh, he lives in Bethlehem and I
  live in Gallilee these days, so we don't see much of each other. Nice
  guy, though, has a pretty cute family.
  
  And, what about Thaddeus? Oh, he married some abusive psycho and
  she doesn't let him hang out with his friends anymore.
  
  Simon Peter? Well, he dated Mary Magdalene's old friends one after
  the other and finally settled down with the worst of 'em. We don't
  talk much anymore.
  
  Luke, he was your best friend in Pharisee School, wasn't he? Oh,
  Luke. Yeah. We had a big fight and we aren't on speaking terms
  anymore, either.
  
  No, Jesus didn't have to go thru that. Thru heartbreak after
  heartbreak, outgrowing friendships and trying to wear them anyway,
  despite the horrible pain. Having your heart broken again and again
  watching the people you love picking the worst fucking possible thing
  to do to themselves, and having to stand by and respect their adult
  choices and watch them flush their fucking lives down the goddamn
  toilet.