EJ May 8 2002

 

 502 sleep

• May 8, 2002

   

  I had phone duty yesterday, left a bit after 3. Got home around 4,
  went straight to bed, slept until about 2 a.m., woke up for a minute,
  let the dog out, went back to sleep until 5:50 when my alarm went
  off. Ok, sleeping that much is probably pathological, but it kept me
  from eating and spending money, so as far as I'm concerned, it's all
  good.
  
  Wierd dreams, about liz holm and me being lovers, something about
  Eric, there was something cool I was dreaming about, too...but I
  forgot what it was. *sigh*
  
  Anyway, I need to get looking for a 2nd job. Part of me whines that I
  won't have any free time; but look what I do with my free time now:
  NOTHING. I don't clean house, I don't do my workout videos, I don't
  walk or skate. I don't hang out with friends. I don't work in my
  garden, I don't do stained glass or beadwork....so I might as well do
  something productive that makes me some $, no?

503 Re: Lyrics quiz

 

• May 8, 2002

   

  I admit defeat...the violent femmes are too depressing for this
  exercise. ;)
  
  Pick a band and answer using only that band's lyrics.
  
  0. Violent Femmes
  
  1. Are you male or female?
  You look like you could be the mother of a girl
  I hated more than any other girl in the world
  "Mother Of A Girl"
  
  2. Describe yourself.
  Just last night
  I was reminded of
  just how bad
  it had gotten and
  just how sick
  I had become
  "Prove My Love"
  
  3. How do they feel about you?
  
  4. How do you feel about yourself?
  People worry
  what are they worrin about today
  seems like there's a good reason
  to worry worry worry
  I'd sit around listening to you story
  if I wasn't in such a
  hurry hurry hurry
  and I'm so lonely
  I just don't think I can take it anymore
  "Confessions"
  
  5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend.
  If only you could know
  How I'd love you so
  The way good friends do
  The way I would be you
  And me too, I'd be your
  Good friend
  "Good Friend"
  
  6. What would you rather be doing?
  
  7. Describe where you live.
  
  8. Describe how you love.
  Oh, can it be so painful?
  Can it be so blind?
  Love is vicious angel,
  fluttering wings, trapped inside your mind.
  "World Without Mercy"
  
  9. Share a few words of wisdom.
  
  
  (try this with Violent Femmes, Sex Pistols, Pixies, etc.)

506Re: creepy

•  

  May 8, 2002

   

  Maybe I should create a Yahoo identity using all of
  SILs info: real name, real age, real photo (the unflattering one from
  Xmas?), real address, real email address, real 'career', real living
  situation, real mental disorders. Ooh, that would be pretty mean.
  
  Jen loves the idea. I think I may wait until I actually see some
  evidence of her using my photo as a representation of herself to an
  online buddy. It's too mean just to 'do' for fun.
  
  Another thought: change my ICQ to have all of her contact info and
  let her deal with it.
  
  I will be so utterly creeped out if some icky guy comes up to me and
  says "Skye? Thanks for the great cybersex!"...I will then take him to
  SIL's house and show him the real "Skye" once and for all.

507Major lightbulb moment

Expand Messages

 

• eekatfreaksdotnet

  May 8, 2002

   

  (emailed to Jen. Not sure whether to post it in diaryland.)
  
  Why am I so miserable? I pay my bills, I have enough to eat. I live
  in a nice house, I have a cute sweetie...so why am I so sad most of
  the damn time?
  
  And I finally figured it out. The reason I am able to pay my bills,
  buy food, live in a nice house is because bunches and bunches of
  people CAN'T. And in my job, I read their letters and mock their
  pain. That is, when I even notice it. Most of the time I just look at
  their letter, point and click, and put it in a pile of hundreds of
  other letters just like theirs, and yet not. Each individual sorrow
  is it's own. And what kind of shithead am I to ignore the needs of my
  fellow man? My soul must twisting, shriveling, breaking into tiny
  pieces inside me, but I have to turn all that off, just to do my job.
  
  Every penny I make is because somebody else is out of a job, broke,
  getting foreclosed, getting evicted, can't make their car payment,
  can't feed their kids. And all that misery flows to me and feeds me.
  
  And that is why I am miserable.
  
  And that is why I have to find another job; one that does not exploit
  the misery of my fellow humans. One that does not feed me on the
  concentrated misery of thousands of lost fucking souls.