227 Feedback from post on NonBPNook

 

• Jan. 7, 2002

   

  sue
  Date: Sat Jan 5, 2002 9:05 am
  Subject: Re: [NonBPNook] Re: s*** happens
  
  It is hard watching someone you love being hurt over
  and over. It seams so easy..."get out"!!!! But for
  now, that is his journey, that is his course, and it
  is exactly where he needs to be.
  Your brother has a gift...a sister that loves him very
  much!
  Take care!
  Sue
  ========================================================
  
  Softwareman 
  Date: Fri Jan 4, 2002 4:36 pm
  Subject: Re: [NonBPNook] Re: s*** happens
  
  This was good for me to read because I'm sure that if
  my family knew or understood BPD this is how they
  would feel.
  Everyone in my family basically gave up when I went
  back to BP after last break up. Can't say as I blame
  them.
  So I'm totally cut off, as the "valued one " you speak
  of will one day know. But You might be the key person
  or the one that "ONE GREAT DAY" he will come to.
  We all must never lose hope or vision. Without it, we
  are lost.
  
  (I had a problem deciding who was what gender here in
  this post, but that's me..)
  
  
  =============================================
  
  garmar51
  Date: Sat Jan 5, 2002 6:43 am
  Subject: Re: s*** happens
  
  
  As one who once was determined to "save" a BP from herself, I don't
  envy your position one bit. I too was committed, a slave and deaf to
  the warnings of friends. However, I did heed the advice of the mental
  health care professionals, eventually, and learn to set boundaries
  for my own mental health and well-being, and to help my BP to find
  some order in her disordered mind.
  
  I think we get back to the fact that no one (BP or Non) will change
  until they want to change. That was so true with me. When I learned
  that my behaviour was enabling the BP rather than helping, I decided
  to change it. I ended up getting dumped, and as painful as that is,
  it is the best thing for me. We Nons have such a difficult time
  learning that we come first.
  
  I spent 8 weeks in a boundary class learning how to say "yes" to the
  good and "no" to the bad, but the hardest thing for me to accept was
  that sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do feels very
  cruel. Along those same lines, sometimes you must hurt a BPs feelings
  in order to help them, but hurting them does no harm to them at all.
  
  In my case, I knew what to do long before I found the courage to do
  it.
  
  --Garmar
  =====================================
  
  Steven
  Date: Sat Jan 5, 2002 6:54 am
  Subject: Re: [NonBPNook] Re: s*** happens
  
  
  *sigh*
  i think all you can do is try. don't sacrifice your
  self respect or dignity. there are ways to reach out
  without that, especially since you are not directly in
  her line of fire.
  it takes a very undestanding and sympathetic person to
  do this. i have a friend that takes the bull by the
  horns and talks directly to the bp in my life in a
  nonthreatening but loving way. unlike the majority of
  people who get run off, and this friend, she comes
  accross as being non-judgemental. you see, the bp is
  not a comfortable person at all.
  the disease is the enemy, not the person. it probably
  is not how she would choose, if she knew how to
  choose. you are actually in a position to help and to
  forge a bond with her. if you succeed, it'll probably
  be worth it. you will also learn about human behavior
  along the way and the ultimate reward, your brother's
  gratitude. he's got it hard. maybe he needs some help.
  (i realize i don't know the history here, but i hope
  you're willing to try this-it's worth a shot)
  steven
  ps:don't forget, she's probably afraid of you.
  good luck whatever you decide