![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evilehttp://www.emotionalcompetency.com/apology.htm
So here's my stalker policy (you know who you are)
There are people in this world with whom I have bad history (shocking, I know. I'm so lovely and kind and easy to get along with. But it happens, unfortunately.)
Those people are not people I wish to see or speak with, and I'm pretty sure they feel the same about me.
When and where possible, I have blocked the ones who have made threats against my life, person, or livelihood.
As for the emotionally toxic or merely unplesant folks, I just try to avoid/ignore as best as possible online and in RL.
If I notice (or am told) that one of these people plans to attend a gathering or event which I'm planning to attend, I consider the circumstances and I consider my options.
If it's a public event with a large number of attendees, I am certain I can go and not even have to encounter those people.
If it's a smaller gathering at a mutual friend's home, I think harder about it and may decide that the benefit of seeing many likeable persons outweighs the possibility of one bad encounter.
Or I may decide that the potential unpleasantness of seeing that one person will outweigh the possible benefits of attending and decide to skip the event/gathering.
There is NEVER, EVER going to be an event or gathering I attend for the specific purpose of seeing or speaking to one of the people with whom I have had unpleasantness in the past.
Let me be clear: If I do not like you and you do not like me, then I do not want to see you and I do not want to speak to you.
Whatever occurred between us in the past is unfortunate and perhaps regrettable, but I do not have any intentions toward vengeance, nor do I wish to actively upset, distress, or offend people, even people I don't like. Certainly not in a gathering of friends, or in a friend's home, out at a festival or concert or at some other happy, pleasant occasion.
I am a human being and I have my moments of curiousity, so, yes, sometimes I look at whatever public posts are available from these people. I don't do it often, I don't particularly like myself when I do, and I take no action regarding whatever I may observe.
I also scan evite and other types of attendee lists for certain names & faces. In general, if possible, I like to know in advance that someone unpleasant is going to be somewhere, so that I can either mentally prepare to be polite and kind, or plan to be elsewhere if I don't think I can manage it, rather than ruin peoples' fun.
I don't really consider that to be 'stalking' (in my opinion, it's the Opposite Of Stalking to find out where someone's going so as NOT to be there)...but if it makes you happy to consider yourself important enough to have me as a stalker, knock yourself out.
And while you're at it, please take a moment to think about whose journal you're reading right now and have a good look in the mirror to consider what you might find there.
I am not particularly good at apologies or forgiveness, but let me close with this: Nothing any of you has ever said or done to me is hurting me at this time. If I am still hurting, at this point I am hurting myself.
I have no wish to hurt, offend or distress anyone. But I am human and I make mistakes and I know I do hurt and offend people, anyway. I always regret it afterwards, especially when I am unable to make amends or try to do better because sometimes my actions cause doors to close forever. There's nothing to be done but accept and move on with my own life.
If I find myself unable to forget threats to my family, pets, loved ones, person, home, life, and livelihood, that is my burden to bear and I do not blame anyone but myself for any upset or harm that is caused to me by remembering and being unable to let it go. You did and said whatever you did or said, and it hurt, but it is over. Any further damage is my own fault and my own responsibility.
You hurt me once. I continue to hurt myself by continuing to tell myself the story of how you hurt me, again and again and again. That's not your problem or your responsibility. So that's it. This is as close as I can come to forgiveness right now, but it's better than nothin'.
"Have a nice life," as someone once said.
So here's my stalker policy (you know who you are)
There are people in this world with whom I have bad history (shocking, I know. I'm so lovely and kind and easy to get along with. But it happens, unfortunately.)
Those people are not people I wish to see or speak with, and I'm pretty sure they feel the same about me.
When and where possible, I have blocked the ones who have made threats against my life, person, or livelihood.
As for the emotionally toxic or merely unplesant folks, I just try to avoid/ignore as best as possible online and in RL.
If I notice (or am told) that one of these people plans to attend a gathering or event which I'm planning to attend, I consider the circumstances and I consider my options.
If it's a public event with a large number of attendees, I am certain I can go and not even have to encounter those people.
If it's a smaller gathering at a mutual friend's home, I think harder about it and may decide that the benefit of seeing many likeable persons outweighs the possibility of one bad encounter.
Or I may decide that the potential unpleasantness of seeing that one person will outweigh the possible benefits of attending and decide to skip the event/gathering.
There is NEVER, EVER going to be an event or gathering I attend for the specific purpose of seeing or speaking to one of the people with whom I have had unpleasantness in the past.
Let me be clear: If I do not like you and you do not like me, then I do not want to see you and I do not want to speak to you.
Whatever occurred between us in the past is unfortunate and perhaps regrettable, but I do not have any intentions toward vengeance, nor do I wish to actively upset, distress, or offend people, even people I don't like. Certainly not in a gathering of friends, or in a friend's home, out at a festival or concert or at some other happy, pleasant occasion.
I am a human being and I have my moments of curiousity, so, yes, sometimes I look at whatever public posts are available from these people. I don't do it often, I don't particularly like myself when I do, and I take no action regarding whatever I may observe.
I also scan evite and other types of attendee lists for certain names & faces. In general, if possible, I like to know in advance that someone unpleasant is going to be somewhere, so that I can either mentally prepare to be polite and kind, or plan to be elsewhere if I don't think I can manage it, rather than ruin peoples' fun.
I don't really consider that to be 'stalking' (in my opinion, it's the Opposite Of Stalking to find out where someone's going so as NOT to be there)...but if it makes you happy to consider yourself important enough to have me as a stalker, knock yourself out.
And while you're at it, please take a moment to think about whose journal you're reading right now and have a good look in the mirror to consider what you might find there.
I am not particularly good at apologies or forgiveness, but let me close with this: Nothing any of you has ever said or done to me is hurting me at this time. If I am still hurting, at this point I am hurting myself.
I have no wish to hurt, offend or distress anyone. But I am human and I make mistakes and I know I do hurt and offend people, anyway. I always regret it afterwards, especially when I am unable to make amends or try to do better because sometimes my actions cause doors to close forever. There's nothing to be done but accept and move on with my own life.
If I find myself unable to forget threats to my family, pets, loved ones, person, home, life, and livelihood, that is my burden to bear and I do not blame anyone but myself for any upset or harm that is caused to me by remembering and being unable to let it go. You did and said whatever you did or said, and it hurt, but it is over. Any further damage is my own fault and my own responsibility.
You hurt me once. I continue to hurt myself by continuing to tell myself the story of how you hurt me, again and again and again. That's not your problem or your responsibility. So that's it. This is as close as I can come to forgiveness right now, but it's better than nothin'.
"Have a nice life," as someone once said.
