4 kinds of people, reason vs emotion.
Nov. 17th, 2011 07:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evilethoughts from reading http://popfiend.livejournal.com/4339499.html
4 kinds of people in the world
1) People who like you for the wrong reasons
2) People who like you for the right reasons
3) People who dislike you for the wrong reasons
4) people who dislike you for the right reasons.
The person who originally posted this indicated that the ones to 'really worry about' were #4. Assuming, I suppose, that there are dislikeable things about yourself that these people are bringing to your attention so that you can change/improve. Assuming that #4s perceptions of yourself are correct and yours are incorrect. I don't know about that.
One person pointed out that another person's "right reasons" may be things about yourself that you LIKE, or that at least you consider non-negotiable, or perhaps are non-negotiable. I can't do much about being a white girl. Not without extensive surgery, anyway. Religion, political outlook, wealth, family status, gender, sexuality, age, weight....those could all be "right" reasons for someone to dislike me. These are true facts about me, and these are things you cannot abide. Therefore you don't like me. Ok, I can deal with that. Totally.
I find I worry about #1 and #3 more than I worry about #4. (& I'm grateful as hell for the people who like me for the right reasons. Whatever they may be!)
#1s, People who like me for the wrong reasons can worry and upset me; users being the first example I can think of--people who like me for what I have or what I can do for them, or because they want to be closer to someone who is close to me. But also the folks who like me too much, too soon, based on something they made up in their own head to see in me rather than actually getting to know me and *then* deciding to like me. In my experience, #1s can all too easily become #3 or #4s, because the higher the pedestal, the harder the fall once they figure out that you are not the perfect person they made inside their head. I have fallen into the trap, more than once, of seeing myself magnified in someone's admiring eyes and trying SO HARD to be that Legendary E for them...it never ends well. I can often be an amazing person, I'm strong and smart and loyal and creative and fun...but I'm a human. I make mistakes. I get tired. I have bad days. And when someone likes you for what they think you are, and you let that invincible, goddesslike demeanor slip for one moment, their disappointment can so very quickly turn to loathing.
And #3, People who dislike me for the wrong reason...OMG, I've wasted far too much of my life on these folks. I don't know why it's so important that someone like or dislike me for 'the right reasons'....why isn't it more important just to be liked/likeable? I mean, I can see why it is upsetting to be disliked. I think everyone wants to be liked and accepted....we all want to belong.
I just get so ridiculously hurt and offended when people dislike me for the wrong reasons. I get so caught up in the unfairness of being judged incorrectly and condemned for something I did not do or say or the perception of being something I am not. I fuss and fight so hard against that. I don't care if you hate me so much, I just want you to hate me for what I AM, for what I actually SAID or DID, not for unfair assumptions made about me or untrue gossip spread about me, or making a snap judgement before bothering to find out anything about me.
To me, reasons are more important to me than emotions, apparently. I can understand that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I know there are things about me that are considered dreadful and unloveable by some. I accept that not everyone is going to like me. And even the people who DO like me, aren't always going to agree with me or find me likeable 24/7/365.
I've said I'd rather be hated for who I am than liked for who I am not...and I think I'll go ahead and stick with that.
4 kinds of people in the world
1) People who like you for the wrong reasons
2) People who like you for the right reasons
3) People who dislike you for the wrong reasons
4) people who dislike you for the right reasons.
The person who originally posted this indicated that the ones to 'really worry about' were #4. Assuming, I suppose, that there are dislikeable things about yourself that these people are bringing to your attention so that you can change/improve. Assuming that #4s perceptions of yourself are correct and yours are incorrect. I don't know about that.
One person pointed out that another person's "right reasons" may be things about yourself that you LIKE, or that at least you consider non-negotiable, or perhaps are non-negotiable. I can't do much about being a white girl. Not without extensive surgery, anyway. Religion, political outlook, wealth, family status, gender, sexuality, age, weight....those could all be "right" reasons for someone to dislike me. These are true facts about me, and these are things you cannot abide. Therefore you don't like me. Ok, I can deal with that. Totally.
I find I worry about #1 and #3 more than I worry about #4. (& I'm grateful as hell for the people who like me for the right reasons. Whatever they may be!)
#1s, People who like me for the wrong reasons can worry and upset me; users being the first example I can think of--people who like me for what I have or what I can do for them, or because they want to be closer to someone who is close to me. But also the folks who like me too much, too soon, based on something they made up in their own head to see in me rather than actually getting to know me and *then* deciding to like me. In my experience, #1s can all too easily become #3 or #4s, because the higher the pedestal, the harder the fall once they figure out that you are not the perfect person they made inside their head. I have fallen into the trap, more than once, of seeing myself magnified in someone's admiring eyes and trying SO HARD to be that Legendary E for them...it never ends well. I can often be an amazing person, I'm strong and smart and loyal and creative and fun...but I'm a human. I make mistakes. I get tired. I have bad days. And when someone likes you for what they think you are, and you let that invincible, goddesslike demeanor slip for one moment, their disappointment can so very quickly turn to loathing.
And #3, People who dislike me for the wrong reason...OMG, I've wasted far too much of my life on these folks. I don't know why it's so important that someone like or dislike me for 'the right reasons'....why isn't it more important just to be liked/likeable? I mean, I can see why it is upsetting to be disliked. I think everyone wants to be liked and accepted....we all want to belong.
I just get so ridiculously hurt and offended when people dislike me for the wrong reasons. I get so caught up in the unfairness of being judged incorrectly and condemned for something I did not do or say or the perception of being something I am not. I fuss and fight so hard against that. I don't care if you hate me so much, I just want you to hate me for what I AM, for what I actually SAID or DID, not for unfair assumptions made about me or untrue gossip spread about me, or making a snap judgement before bothering to find out anything about me.
To me, reasons are more important to me than emotions, apparently. I can understand that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I know there are things about me that are considered dreadful and unloveable by some. I accept that not everyone is going to like me. And even the people who DO like me, aren't always going to agree with me or find me likeable 24/7/365.
I've said I'd rather be hated for who I am than liked for who I am not...and I think I'll go ahead and stick with that.
