Writer's Block: 9/11

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I was at work in downtown Austin, TX. I remember being numb. I remember coworkers wondering if terrorists would attak the state capitol building near my office. But it was a normal work day, other than that.

Here is my journal entry from 9/12:

I think for once President Bush is right; the terrorists failed. We
are not bowing down in fear; we are standing up, dusting ourselves
off, pitching in to help, and working together despite petty
differences that aren't really that important in the big picture. The
terrorists have brought out what is best about America: our love for
freedom, our generousity, our strength. I am so filled with love for
my country & the great people who live here. We remain "bloody but
unbowed". Our light goes on.

Last night at the candle vigil, I prayed for empathy; I could not
understand how Palestinians could celebrate while we suffered. But I
got a gentle nudge last night in my sleep, and woke up realizing that
we _all_ need empathy. Imagine living within sight of home, but never
being able to go there. Imagine longing for your home so deeply that
it puts a hole in your soul that nothing can fill. Americans dont'
have this homeland thing; we haven't been here for hundreds of
thousands of years; our ancestors didn't live and die within the
cradle of the same hills for generations. So we don't understand why
a bunch of "crazy" people want to go home so badly. Maybe we should
try and understand. What happened yesterday happens daily, weekly in
the Middle East. People leave home for work, school, the grocery
store, and you don't know if you'll ever see your family alive &
whole again, or if you'll be picking out their mangled body from a
lineup of dozens of corpses killed by car bombs or the like. I don't
think they were rejoicing in our pain so much as beyond a breaking
point that we can't understand because we don't live like that.
Constant fear, unending terror, soul-deep yearning for
homeland...these are things we need to try and understand before we
strike out in blind anger & pain.

Empathy, please. We all need it so badly.

I also thought about the people in the airplanes that were hijacked.
The pain & terror they must have felt. The bravery of the people who
tried to make telephone calls from the air & warn the world of what
was happening. The horrible HORRIBLE crash in Pennsylvania, which we
may never know the truth of, whether the pilot forced it down before
it reached its target, or whether some poor military guy had to take
his fighter up and fire on a US Civilian aircraft full of Americans;
any of which could have been a friend or family member. How horrible.
How incredibly sad. You don't realize the reality of what it may mean
to sacrifice a few lives for the sake of the greater good until you
see it happen. Idealistically, it's pretty sound, but then you see it
happen and you can't stop crying over it. You know that the fighter
pilots go through tons of training, but do they ever get the down-and-
dirty of what it may mean to protect their country at all costs? Can
you know what that feels like before you pull the trigger and send 45
innocents to their death? Can you live your life after that? War is
one thing; all soldiers go into war knowing that they will fight and
maybe die for their country. They fight other soldiers with that
knowledge shining in their eyes, too. Here is war; we must fight, one
of us must die. But, how can you look into the eyes of regular
civilians, ones you are sworn to protect and die for, and know that
you have to kill them to protect your country & hundreds of other
civilians? Horrible. Too much for one breaking heart to hold.

And then the horrible sneaky suspicions...who benefits from terrorist
acts? The government of the terrorized country. They will be able to
curb American freedoms however they want after this and no American
will protest; it's for the good of national security, it's to protect
us all. I saw "Wag the Dog" and "Swordfish"...I know about Watergate
& dozens and hundreds of smaller betrayals by politicians of the
American people. Would they stop at infecting soldiers with disease?
No. Would they stop at lying to the press? No. Where would they stop?
Where would they draw the line? What would they _not_ to to ensure
their continued rise to power?


And here is what I wrote, just 3 days later (my coworkers were vigorously echoing Ms. Coulter's sentiments, BTW.):


"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."- Ann Coulter



YOU DUMB BITCH.


Don't any of these fucking fundie wack jobs understand that the fucking fundie wack jobs across the ocean are saying EXACTLY the same thing, only instead of "Christianity" they are saying "Islam"?


SHUT THE FUCK UP. I do not want to hear another goddamned (literally) word about killing in the name of God.


I am not a Christian. I am not a Muslim. I am not a Jew. I worship a Goddess. One of her most sacred names is Freedom. Maybe your remember her? She's still standing tall, holding forth her light to the world.


May Lady Liberty prevail against all the stupid bigots of the world who use the Divine Being who loves us all as an excuse for hate.


In "The Chronicles of Narnia", The Last Battle , Aslan tells the children that all acts are laid at the proper altar, regardless of the Power in whose name they are done. Evil deeds in the name of God do not serve God and s/he does not accept them as fitting tribute. Evil deeds only serve evil.




I bought this shirt. The image has stayed with me over the years, but I can't wear it anymore. The artist who drew the shirt says it far better than I could here.

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