Interesting revelation

[evile]

I have a tendency to meet and hang on to people who mistreat me, ignore me, blow off commitments to me, and otherwise treat me as if what I think, say, and do is not of importance to them.

(Choosing to waste my time and energy on them is obviously my own issue, stemming largely from male parental indifference, and obviously I'm working on it.)

I just verbalized today something interesting that I think I need to remember:

me: I may not know what a shrimp fork looks like,but I think I am a decent human being and a loyal friend...
just...most people dont' seem to value that
so in my head that turns into 'I'm worthless'
rather than what it should be: 'they're assholes'

My loyalty, friendship and regard are worthwhile things. I am a worthwhile human being. If someone does not value me or my friendship, that is their sad loss.

And I need to spend more time with the people who don't treat me like crap, ignore me, or blow me off.

Go, me.

Comments

Thank you :)

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

I just need to work the 4 Agreements harder, and remember NOT to take things personally. When someone behaves thoughtlessly or selfishly, that is not me being worthless, that is them being selfish and thoughtless. Not my fault or my problem, but certainly not treatment I deserve or should have to put up with for the sake of the 'friendship' (especially when I feel I've made it pretty clear what behavior I object to and what effort I'd like to see from them in the relationship).

Cutting losses is hard. But I may be getting better at it.

2008 is going to be a wonderful year. :)

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

yeah. If you get a chance, check out Don Miguel Ruiz' "The Four Agreements"...the basic tenets are sound, even though there are lots of newage trappings that are silly.

Basically, it says you can't control other people, and often you can't control how you feel. But if you are careful with the things you CAN control (words and actions), you can shape a better life and have better relationships with others.

[(Anonymous)]

Go you, indeed!

The very fact that you don't know what a shrimp fork looks like is a strike in your favor, in my book.

In fact, the vast majority of the world eats without silverware anyway. And it tastes better...

Even though I don't know you - never doubt your worth, friend.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

actually, I do know what a shrimp fork looks like....I was just trying to convey the sense I get lately that a number of acquaintances I once thought well of and tried to cultivate as friends have given me the impression that they think I'm a hillbilly bumpkin with no manners, and only keep me around to be amused by my trained-monkey antics. "Look, darling, it almost looks like she's trying to talk like People!"

But that's all my issue too. I know how to behave.

And, yeah, lots of times it's funner to eat with your fingers.

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

You? Hillbilly bumpkin?

[boggle]

You're perfectly charming. If anyone can't see that through minor bits of awkwardness, it's their loss.

(Sheesh.)

[mrhuggles.livejournal.com]

"so in my head that turns into 'I'm worthless'
rather than what it should be: 'they're assholes'"

I tried to convince a friend of that for years but was never able to get through. I'm glad you've realized it for yourself :)

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

yeah..it has to be something that comes from yourself. You have to come to that realization on your own (yeah, OK, maybe with the help of someone who listens and lets you think things thru 'out loud')...other people telling it to you is the same tripwire that the 'what other people think of me makes me worthwhile [or not]' trap runs on.