Just bitchin
Feb. 9th, 2026 02:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evile I don't do sportsball, so I didn't watch the game, the commercials, or the halftime show (s). Today I am glad I don't work in an office, so I don't haave to hear about any of that.
I got up today and started laundry, walked and fed dogs, went to the store and got supper fixins for the week. I arbitrarily decided at some point in the past that I don't cook on weekends. But if I don't plan, shop, and cook, then when and whether or not I eat on weekends depends on husband planning, shopping, and cooking, and it seems to annoy and frustrate him to do that. So I need to either decide that I *do* cook on weekends and just do that, or I need to stop expecting husband to do something that is difficult for him and unpleasant for all concerned. It's not like there's not food in the house, I could cook on weekends. Or I could reheat leftovers for myself. What I don't want to do is 7 nights a week of meal planning, shopping, and preparations. I know I'm not working an not bringing in money but I feel like I deserve a break on weekends, too. just to enjoy my time with my husband. But the expectation of me not cooking and him having to think of something makes him stressed and he definitely deserves to rest and relax when he's not working, especially on weekends. I didn't want to turn me not cooking two nights a week into a stress point, or a fight. When all else fails, let go of expectations. Let go of depending on anyone but me to feed and care for me.That seems bleak and sad but better than fighting or being hungry. So. Husband isn't a bad person. Just...a white guy who lives in a white guy world.
I try not to be a burden or a trouble. I know I'm not bringing money in. I am cooking and taking care of dogs and keeping the house stocked with things like toilet paper and aspirin and normal stuff we all need and use and sometimes I attempt cleaning house and mostly I keep up with laundry. I know I'm not the best 'housewife' in the world; my mother didn't really raise me to be a 'homemaker' because she was a 60s era feminist, she didnt' want me to settle for being a wife and mother, she wanted me to get educated and have a career, and I did those things and i liked them, ish. Probably should have figured out the abusive shitty job situation sooner than I did and gotten into something better, but I didn't. And of course last year was a fucking fiasco as far as career stuff, oh well. As far as 'housewife things,' I figured out cooking anyway because I like food and I like to eat. But the rest of it.....I'm still basically guessing what grownups do inside their houses to make things look like an adult lives there and not a pack of Lost Boys and/or feral possums. And the house is too cluttered and shameful (plus I have no money) to ask or pay someone else to do it.
Anyway. I'm irritated and frustrated and fucking sick of the patriarchy and all of its brain poison.
anyway. blah. I'm tired of this life. I don't know what else I could/should be doing though.
I got up today and started laundry, walked and fed dogs, went to the store and got supper fixins for the week. I arbitrarily decided at some point in the past that I don't cook on weekends. But if I don't plan, shop, and cook, then when and whether or not I eat on weekends depends on husband planning, shopping, and cooking, and it seems to annoy and frustrate him to do that. So I need to either decide that I *do* cook on weekends and just do that, or I need to stop expecting husband to do something that is difficult for him and unpleasant for all concerned. It's not like there's not food in the house, I could cook on weekends. Or I could reheat leftovers for myself. What I don't want to do is 7 nights a week of meal planning, shopping, and preparations. I know I'm not working an not bringing in money but I feel like I deserve a break on weekends, too. just to enjoy my time with my husband. But the expectation of me not cooking and him having to think of something makes him stressed and he definitely deserves to rest and relax when he's not working, especially on weekends. I didn't want to turn me not cooking two nights a week into a stress point, or a fight. When all else fails, let go of expectations. Let go of depending on anyone but me to feed and care for me.That seems bleak and sad but better than fighting or being hungry. So. Husband isn't a bad person. Just...a white guy who lives in a white guy world.
I try not to be a burden or a trouble. I know I'm not bringing money in. I am cooking and taking care of dogs and keeping the house stocked with things like toilet paper and aspirin and normal stuff we all need and use and sometimes I attempt cleaning house and mostly I keep up with laundry. I know I'm not the best 'housewife' in the world; my mother didn't really raise me to be a 'homemaker' because she was a 60s era feminist, she didnt' want me to settle for being a wife and mother, she wanted me to get educated and have a career, and I did those things and i liked them, ish. Probably should have figured out the abusive shitty job situation sooner than I did and gotten into something better, but I didn't. And of course last year was a fucking fiasco as far as career stuff, oh well. As far as 'housewife things,' I figured out cooking anyway because I like food and I like to eat. But the rest of it.....I'm still basically guessing what grownups do inside their houses to make things look like an adult lives there and not a pack of Lost Boys and/or feral possums. And the house is too cluttered and shameful (plus I have no money) to ask or pay someone else to do it.
Anyway. I'm irritated and frustrated and fucking sick of the patriarchy and all of its brain poison.
anyway. blah. I'm tired of this life. I don't know what else I could/should be doing though.
