Mom's last road trip?

[evile]

Looks like we've got some dates locked in near the end of July to bring mom to TX and set her up in a care home. I went to the ones my sister H sent me to visit in person, check the vibe, talk to the people, see how the residents are treated, see how clean they keep things, check for bad smells,etc.  and sent her written email summaries of the ones I liked best and why, and the ones I didn't like and why,  

I narrowed it down to 3, I thought we'd picked one, and then she came back a few days later and said she'd decided on #2 from my list. It's no skin off my nose, it's mom and g's money, and it wasn't one of the bad ones...it is definitely the least convenient of the 3 for my brother A to get to, but that's because TX is a state that panders to automobiles and even greenie hippie dipshitty Austin doesn't have a lot of good bike options for getting places safely if you really are using a bicycle to try and commute or travel across town. Some neighborhoods are ok, but getting across highways is terrifying and I think most of the people west of Mopac don't want any dirty bike people in their area.... but anyway, mom's housing situation is set up. 

My only concern is that I'm worried they'll try to rook us into a spot at the location I didn't tour, which is newer and allegedly 'nicer' but has zero in the way of back yard trees/shade & landscaping, in comparison to the one I toured. I don't like the photos of that one and I don't want mom in that one. 

Here are my notes from that visit, just for future reference:

Met with D [director], she was nice. Direct, positive, did not seem to be full of BS. Has only been there 7 weeks but most of the staff has been there for years. 

No vacancies at this time.

Another home with 'even nicer' back yard is opening up soon (july ish) at Anderson Mill. Does not appear to have as much shade, trees but ground around home is flatter.    Deposit would guarantee mom a spot 'first available' - either at this location or the Anderson Mill location which is just opening up and will have vacancies immediately.

House is clean and tidy, but not 'sterile/hotel' the way [other place] was. no keypad on door. 15 residents max. One room has attached half-bath, the rest of the rooms would use one of the other restrooms in the house.  It's a good size house but the restrooms seem to be pretty well located so it wouldn't be a long walk to any of them. No signage on the doors to indicate which are restrooms, but there are name decorations on the residents doors. no 'shadow box' like they had at Mill Pond. There were party decorations up in the dining room. Folks in the TV room, folks in the dining room. A couple of people sleeping in their rooms. No bad smells.  Staff was not talking down to residents, there were smiles and eye contact.  There is a list on top of the microwave in kitchen of things that are always available on request--soup, sandwiches, fruit, etc. [Mom doesn't do  big meals anymore, just little nibbles/finger food throughout the day] Residents wear a wristband that they can press for help, it also has a fall sensor.  rooms come with drawers and armoire and we can add or change furniture if we want. Owner has dogs that she brings regularly to visit.  Also mentioned they'd brought a mobile petting zoo for folks. Back yard is really nice. Parking is very ample. Kind of a walk up a hill, might be hard for Aunt L. BUT the Anderson Mill place looks flat.  Anderson Mill will be more 'memory care' with the key pads on the doors.  

A couple of things she said that stood out: D. told me a resident came with a stage 3 or 4 alzheimers diagnosis, was given a couple months to live, and is there a year and a half later (said with pride), she mentioned they've had residents express that they're done and just want to die (said matter-of-fact way). She said something about helping mom get out of her depression (haha),  on the plus side she said that she wants this place to be a place where we just come and enjoy our time with mom, she never wants us to feel like we have to show up and fight with them for mom's wants or needs. [I liked this a lot which is why I bolded it!]  She also has a hospice service she likes very well and recommends, if we are open to changing hospice providers [H. is changing to the hospice D. recommended]. She gave me their brochure. I will send it along.

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so the plan is that H. is renting an RV and will drive mom down over a couple of days. She says she can do it by herself but would be glad and grateful if me and my aunt L  can come along.  She is picking up the RV on a Friday, we'd drive and get mom early Saturday, drive to Arkansas, stay in Arkansas overnight, and then drive to TX Sunday, H and her daughter and our mom would spend the night at L's and then Monday move mom in to the place.

So L and I will probably fly up and ride back down, then H. is turning in the RV here in TX and she and my niece can fly back to IN at their leisure once mom is settled. 

Its a nice place, close to more family than where she is now (an hour away by car from H and her family & no other friends) ...here in Austin she'll have me, Thax, my brother A, aunt L and uncle B. Also  her brother, my uncle Bubba is in San Antonio so he could come up if he wanted... it's about the same, money wise, as the place she is in now in Greencastle fucking indiana, but is much nicer, much better quality of care, no old people / pee smell.... so win win. 

It's a lot and I have feelings about it that I can't put any words to.  I'm really sad about mom and G./dad not getting to finish up their life together on their own terms....but this is the best we can do for her, given the circumstances. and G left her well provided for. There's absolutely no money worries at all. 

And this makes me think/wonder about my own end of life. Would I have the courage in my convictions to hang it up while I still have a somewhat working brain/body to make the decision and not leave the decision until too late, having my loved ones paying almost 10k month to live unhappily but well taken care of because my brain is gone?   or, worse, some kind of pee smelling dirty old people warehouse rotting away until I finally die....no, please. I want to go out on my own terms...I just don't know when that should be, what should be the hard limit on 'I've had enough life, I'm still in my right mind, but I am done and want to leave things tidy and squared away for whoever is still around,'....

anyhoodle. time to start making supper. tonight is 'baked potato bar' = baked potatoes in the instant pot, served with all the fixins for eveyrone to do up as they like (bacon bits, sour cream, butter, cheese, cheesy broccoli, etc.) 

And it's the umptieth anniversary of my first date with Thax. Whoever thought we'd end up here, like this....?

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[emmainfiniti]

Hugs for all the things.