3250icq w/A

[evile]

May 31, 2005

 

 

evile: I know I said I wouldn't talk to you unless you talked to me
first...but FWIW, Nikiyoy's feelings were very hurt that you didn't know
who she was at the party, and that's probably why she acted prickly.
SkyeDS: I swear on whatever anyone wants to hold sacred, I don't
remember ever meeting her.
SkyeDS: and if it was at Poly, the only person I remember by name
from Poly is Michael
SkyeDS: and I'm not even s ure about that
evile: you have her friended in LJ, and comment on her posts quite
frequently, apparently.
SkyeDS: she friended me first
SkyeDS: and I would debate "frequently"
SkyeDS: and she doesn't ever reply to anything I say either, so I
quit posting quite some time back
evile: *shrug* I don't know about any of that, and I'm not fighting
with you on her behalf, or with her on yours...just trying to help
clarify.
SkyeDS: I'm sorry her feelings were hurt
evile: if you want to be mad at me for something I did or said,
that's your business, but I dont' want people being mad at me for
stuff other people did/said in my presence, simply because I was
there and they're my friend/family.
SkyeDS: I did, if you will remember as you were standing right there,
try to be very polite in introducing myself to someone I did not
think I'd ever seen face to face
evile: I was there.
SkyeDS: I cannot see why an honest mistake on my part required the
response it got.
SkyeDS: I'm not mad at anyone
evile: Ok.
SkyeDS: I would like people not to be mad at me, but if they are,
can't help that.
SkyeDS: and getting rapidly to the point where I dont' care anymore
because caring hurts.
evile: OK
SkyeDS: if you think it appropriate, I would be willing to go so far
as to apologize to NIkiyoy for hurting her feelings that I didn't
remember having met her
SkyeDS: it is a known failing of mine.
SkyeDS: typically I remember faces better than that but I am probably
going senile in my not so old age
evile: I think LJ tends to make people feel more/less intimate than
they actaully are in RL and leads to RL misunderstandings.
evile: Nikiyoy's real face is on her LJ icon, so she felt you should
have known her from that.
SkyeDS: would it help to email or post an apology?
SkyeDS: of course I knew her from that
SkyeDS: that's the reason I said, you must be NIkiyoy....
evile: *shrug* she's 22, stubborn, and prickly. Probably not worth
the effort on your part.
SkyeDS: and when someone doesn't say anything to me when I post in
their LJ, I quit saying anything to them
evile: *shrug* she doesnt' reply that often to anyone, that I've
seen...
SkyeDS: actually not counting today I haven't said much of anything
to anyone lately LJ or otherwise
evile: Like I said, LJ interactions tend to make people act/react in
RL in ways that may or may not be within the comfort level of both
parties. Feeling levels of intimacy that aren't there, or whathaveyou.
evile: I know onyxlynxx's had problems because people feel they know her
well enough from her LJ posts to hug her but she doesnt' feel she
knows them well enough to allow that intimacy
SkyeDS: if you think I should, I will. if you think it would make it
worse, I won't.
SkyeDS: I'm trying to behave less like a bull in a china closet
SkyeDS: and I am happy to take constructive criticism
evile: *shrug* Nikiyoy and I are a lot alike, which means that we share
some of the qualities that make me hard to get along with...for
example, making up our minds about people and not being swayed from
that opinion.
evile: She's 22 and while she's done a lot with her life and is a
lot more together than I did at that age, she's still emotionally
very young.
SkyeDS: she's going through a lot of shit I notice
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: so even notwithstanding everything you just said now would
not be a good time regardless
evile: If I were you, I'd probably just leave it alone, and if you
are ever in the same place at the same time, make sure to notice her,
be happy to see her, ask her some question that shows an interest in
her life, etc. and see if she responds nicely. If not, you did your
best.
SkyeDS: thank you, I'll do that.
evile: She's a good person....as are all the people I care about,
each in their own ways. It's tough when people you like don't get
along, but as I've said to others, I now just need to say to
myself: 'tough!"
SkyeDS: normally I apologize for hurt feelings when I am made aware
of them, by way of doing right and what I'd like to have done to me,
but I am happy to know that that is not the right thing to do here so
as not to make matters worse.
evile: *nod* If she felt like dealing with it right now, I'm thinking
she would have approached you. Sometimes it's best to just follow the
other person's lead.
SkyeDS: if the subject ever comes up I'm sure you'll relay my
sentiments
evile: If I can, without appearing to be fighting with one on behalf
of the other, yes. Otherwise, you two will have to work it out on
your own, if you think the friendship is worth the effort. If not,
then not.
SkyeDS: I made the assumption a long while back that she wasn't
interested in me when she asked me a question, I responded, asked her
question, and she didn't answer, or reply to any of my posts
afterwards *shrugs*
evile: *nod* and we all know about assumptions : P
SkyeDS: well, if my posts don't get responded to, I don't want to
keep cluttering up someone 's screen with what seems unwanted
evile: *nod* I can relate.
SkyeDS: if the chance presents itself to repair, I will take it. I'm
not going to seek it out, though.
evile: sounds like a plan.
SkyeDS: I could be equally hurt, offended, and prickly with just as
much reason, I choose not to be
SkyeDS: she's chosen her path, it's her path to choose.
evile: *nod* I think it was pretty much a case of wrong place/wrong
time/wrong frame of mind...nothing deal-breaking, just not rubbing
one another the right way. It happens. Even with close friends,
sometimes.
SkyeDS: well, I handled the situation when it happened as best as I
could given what I had to work with, and that's that. water under
the bridge, and I'm not going to think anymore about it.
SkyeDS: to my way of thinking being compassionate to the hearts and
minds of those arounds me means apologizing when I fuck up even
inadvertently and unknowingly
SkyeDS: but that's not compassionate if it just offends further.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I meant well. And I think the people I give a damn about
know that I mean well. Anyone who doesn't, too bad.
evile: water under the bridge. Next time you're in the same
place/time, just try to start with a blank slate. "Hi, great to see
you, how is your new apartment/new boyfriend/whatever?"
SkyeDS: I'm glad to see that you gave Chance another chance because
on screen she looks wonderful (I read her lj too)
SkyeDS: for the record I think I get misjudged in the same way for
the same reason, but whatever.
evile: I am glad I've gotten to know Chance better. I'm glad I've
gotten to know you better, too.
SkyeDS: I don't really know how all this came to be at this pass.
SkyeDS: I wish it hand't.
SkyeDS: I tried to stop this from getting here, I tried to stop my
last conversation with Jinx from going where it did.
evile: I'm sorry you're still having trouble with Sharjinka.
SkyeDS: I'm not. I haven't spoken with her since.
SkyeDS: she never speaks to me first online when we're both at work,
maybe there's a reason for that and I should take a hint
evile: *shrug* some people don't. You rarely initiate contact, even
when I know we're on fine terms...
SkyeDS: but regardless, it is a lesson to me if in nothing else, that
when I"m at work, unless i need information from someone, I don't
initiate conversations at work anymore. with anyone.
evile: Oh, Ok then. Would you rather I didn't bother you during the
work day, then?
SkyeDS: and the next time something goes sour, I'm going to have to
engage the "hit and run" tactics that I don't like very much
SkyeDS: I don't like it when Jinx does it to me
SkyeDS: I remember you saying you don't like it when people do it to
you
SkyeDS: or you think that they are
SkyeDS: but I can't get work done when I'm sobbing
SkyeDS: you aren't bothering me. I'm just reserving my right in
general from now on to leave before I get so impaired that I can't
function while I have to.
evile: Ok.
SkyeDS: when I tell you, I can't talk about this anymore, you have
yet to not respect that.
SkyeDS: I don't perceive that being an issue between us.
evile: You could always do something like they do in BDSM scenes--if
I'm treading on unpleasant territory, you could say "yellow" or
something. Or "let's change the subject"
SkyeDS: I am still hurt by all the effort I spent trying to disengage
and change subject to be rewarded with being run over roughshod and
then hit and run disengage, but I'm trying not to dwell on it.
SkyeDS: and, I'm trying to get sineater off his high horse about his
little low black horse
evile: nope. Try not to take it personally. I think Sharjinka likes
you as a person and a friend, but just has fears for her friends at
HFS who may have more enthusiasm than aptitude for mounted combat.
SkyeDS: he seems to think he should have some say in who rides Jesse
so he's taking what got said personally even though I don't think it
should ahve been, it wasn't intended that way
evile: I think you both need to have say in who rides your
animals...he has a good idea of her moods and whether or not she's
going to be safe for someone, I would think.
SkyeDS: that was sarcasm
SkyeDS: of course he has say in who rides her
evile: Oh, I guess I'm missing something then.
SkyeDS: let me try again.
SkyeDS: no one rides Jesse without sineater's say so, she's his horse.
SkyeDS: so to be completely left out of Sharjinka's opinion about the
faulty decision making that's been g oing on with regard to who has
been riding her
SkyeDS: he takes personally
evile: Oh...OK.
SkyeDS: and that she didn't mean it that way and wasn't even thinking
about him is exactly why he's pissed off.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: she is, after all, his horse.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: anyway, I told him, I don't want a war, I want it to just go
away.
SkyeDS: he's trying to make up for wars that he should have waged and
didn't, and I appreciate that, but the road to hell is paved with
good intentions and I don't care for that road right now.
SkyeDS: I'm not going to ask her to participate again, matter of
fact, I'm not going to ask her if she wants to ride again at all in
any capacity.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: it's very hard to be aware of hearts and minds around you
when doing so gets responses that puts me in a fuck that and fuck you
(in general not you personally) mode
evile: well, you can't punish everyone around you for one
misunderstanding with one person...you have to be a better person and
keep trying.
SkyeDS: it hasn't been just one misunderstanding with one person
lately, it's been a whole friggin lot of them
SkyeDS: and every last one happened despite my best efforts to
prevent/cure them, so right now, I'm thinkin, if there's nothing I
can do to change anything, fuck it
SkyeDS: strength to change what I can, fuck what I can't, and the
wisdom to know the difference. my serenity prayer.
evile: OK
SkyeDS: if it were my shit to own, then my efforts to do so would
bear fruit. my efforts have born nothing but rot, so maybe it isn't
my shit to own, in which case, fuck it.
evile: Distance and time have a way of putting things in perspective.
I hope things work out for you.
SkyeDS: anyone who is feeling punished hurt or anything else is going
to have to speak up, and not in the way Nikiyoy's gone about it.
SkyeDS: otherwise, I'm not going to know, and if I don't know, I
can't fix it, and well, that puts me right back at square one.
evile: I hear ya. I think the main misunderstandign was over the
word 'met'...you did not recall meeting her in RL, and she recalled
your presence in her LJ many times, which she counted as 'meeting'.
SkyeDS: could have been cleared up with communication
evile: Indeed.
SkyeDS: and I've learned the hard way that nothing I do can persuade
someone to communicate who doesn't want to, and it takes two.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: if I were going to interpret LJ as "meeting" then I wouldn't
have spoken to her at all because her response to me in LJ has been
nada.
SkyeDS: anyway, I"m not going to take that as a mistake on my part
either, because I said the same thing to kulilinei and ladydreamtime, who are both
in the same circumstance with Nikiyoy in terms of LJ and RL "meeting"
and they weren't offended or haven't made it known to me if they were
evile: *shrug* you don't post comments in my Lj hardly at all, I
dont' take it personally or think about it much, except just now in
relation to what you're saying about posting in Nikiyoy's.
SkyeDS: I almost always see you here before I read LJ
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: which is why I ask you stupid questions about your weekend
when I probably s hould just go read first
evile: *shrug* I don't mind.
SkyeDS: did a lot of posting to LJ today because there are so many
people I don't see here anymore during the day
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: anyway, I don't post to your LJ because I see you here, so I
talk to you here.
SkyeDS: two way communication instantly is much more gratifying than
through LJ
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: however, now that I think about it, Sharjinka has never
reacted in an unwanted way when I speak to her through LJ, so maybe I
need to suss out who to communicate with in what fashion.
SkyeDS: I am supposed to be a communicator, so it's very hard on me
not to take failures to communicate personally, as my fault
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I did a great deal of LJ posting to a great many journals
once upon a time and got no response from anybody so I stopped
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I don't want hard feelings between us
evile: me neither.
SkyeDS: :)
evile: Did you read Ample's post about the bbw calendar?
SkyeDS: I did, very cool
evile: I'm ambivalent. If I can use lots of make up and/or a
pseudonym, I might be up for it.
SkyeDS: I bet she's one of those people who will make you look
spectacular despite yourself
SkyeDS: Janet was like that
evile: I look spectacular when I try.
SkyeDS: I bet she could do it even if you were deliberately trying
not to is what I meant
SkyeDS: why you would do that I don't know
evile: I would not mind her doing photos, but I am not sure about
distribution thereof
SkyeDS: good question
evile: I've seen the photos she did of pace, and they're gorgeous.
evile: If she can make Pace look good, she can make me look like an
incarnation of the Goddess.
SkyeDS: I had that sense about her
SkyeDS: and as long as distribution doesn't include any useful
information
evile: yeah. first name or 'stage name' only, no
city/state/lj/whatever
SkyeDS: I'm already pretty present on the web. Anyone wanting my
contact info can get it on the ranch page
evile: *nod*
evile: But if you just went by 'skye' or whatever, ther's about 2
million skyes online.
SkyeDS: exactly
evile: I'm still thinking about it...I think I'll need to talk with
her and find out more.
SkyeDS: good idea
SkyeDS: I am flattered anyone would want me for such a thing
regardless
evile: just saw your comment...really, honey, you are tiny compared
to some of the BBW gals Ample runs with.
SkyeDS: that would be a comforting way to look at it but the cold
hard fact remains that I've gained 130 pounds in 10 years, and I've
got to do something aobut it
evile: for health if nothing else, yup.
SkyeDS: 13 years, bad math
evile: physical attractiveness, I'm finding, is more about attitude
and how you treat yourself, rather than any external measurement.
Weight is about health (and maybe clothes shopping :P)
SkyeDS: I know that to be true. But it doesn't work when looking in
the mirror.
SkyeDS: or just looking down for that matter.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: sineater and I are going to the Melting Pot tonight, finally
evile: oh, nice. You'll like it, I think.
SkyeDS: I remember you saying next time you were sticking to
appetizer and dessert, but I am still tempted by the sound of the
meats
SkyeDS: and right now I"m craving meat chocolate and red wine so
fiercely it isn't funny
evile: not enough for the $, and they don't do the oils, they do
flavored bouiillon...4 oz of boiled meat for $20, no thanks.
SkyeDS: is eating the cheese course and then the fruit course filling?
evile: hell yeah.
SkyeDS: which cheese course did you like? the one with the Wisc
cheese?
evile: Nikiyoy got that one, it was good.
SkyeDS: I think I'd like any cheese right now, I"m not picky
evile: I believe I got the one that was swiss and gorgonzola. Very
strong flavored.
SkyeDS: I like gorgonzola, specially with tomatoes. makes good soup.
evile: if you like blue cheese, you'll like that fondue.
evile: the wisconsin one uses beer, and you can defiitely taste the
beer. Which is fine if you're a beer drinker, not so good if you're
not.
SkyeDS: I'm deprived, I don't think I've had blue cheese
evile: gorgonzola is a blue cheese.
SkyeDS: in which case I like it fine :)
SkyeDS: have never had the blue marbled stuff that people make
dressing out of I don't think
evile: there's a whole family of blues...I like some better than
others, but they 're all good. the spanish blue I had last Monday is
my new fave, I think.
SkyeDS: that spanish cheese you had at full moon was so filling t hat
with a few squares I wasn't hungry again until I got home
SkyeDS: I ate that, one cupcake, and one piece of shrimp
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I had Greek for hte first time at Loch's event, I loved it
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I thought about grovelling at the cook's feet but a big group
was already doing that so I didn't
evile: Personally, I'd rather have help with dishes than grovelling.
SkyeDS: two of us do that anyway (one of us doing bird duty)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: Arthur would love to "supervise" but he isn't very helpful
SkyeDS: he's very helpful cutting up fruits and veges that you
intended to give to him anyway
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I am still singularly uninspired about my birthday, and it
looks like it's going to storm again anyway
evile: Yeah...some folks wanted to go tubing this weekend and it's
looking like that's not going to happen.
evile: Voyagers party is this Saturday, and a party at Jason &
Belinda's.
SkyeDS: User 129952931/SkyeDS has requested your authorization to add
you to his/her contact list
SkyeDS: User 129952931/SkyeDS added you to his/her Contact List
SkyeDS: I wanted to go to Somerville because I can ride there and
play in the water too
evile: *nod*
evile: I am not sure what the limitations are on the Trooper I'm
driving these days. Sweetie fixed the radiator leak, but there may be
other problems.
evile: it made it to the Guadalupe River just fine yesterday--
somewhere between San Marcos and New Braunfels.
SkyeDS: I wasn't expecting anyone to join me anyway, at this point I
just want someplace to go, myself :|
evile: Oh, OK.
SkyeDS: if we go you're welcome of course
evile: well, it's 4, so I'm gonna run.
SkyeDS: but I hate to ask anyone to do anything with a thunderstorm
looming above
evile: *hugs* have a good evening.