icq w/A May 10

[evile]

2192icq w/A

May 10, 2004

 

 

evile: greets! How was your weekend?
SkyeDS: boring but peaceful, glad you had a good time at the lake :)
evile: It was excellent. i was one of the few females out
there..which was odd, but not creepy.
evile: Saturday was good, too. Sweetie loved the trainride & movie.
SkyeDS: awesome :)
evile: *and* I went to REI and found a sports bra that fit & allowed
me to breathe :) So, a very productive weekend.
SkyeDS: that rocks.
evile: They only had 1 in my size or I would have bought more. But
now that I know the brand & size I can probably find more online.
SkyeDS: yep
evile: I may end up making Hippie Hollow one of my regular hangouts
(no pun intended)--it was gorgeous.
SkyeDS: fax.
evile: aha :)
evile: I talked to my mom yesterday on the phone--she's really
excited about me & [sister H] visiting. We might have to 'work' while
we're there--some friends are moving their cattle to the summer
fields & they may need extra hands to ride horses & help herd the
animals :)
evile: <===SO PSYCHED!!!!
SkyeDS: that would be very cool
SkyeDS: the one place you never want to ride is "heal" - that would
be behind. Dust.
evile: Yup. I've read about trips where you *pay* to do that. Which
seems pretty crazy to me. I figure it's a win-win just the way it is:
[sister H] & I get to ride, the ranchers get some help.
evile: *shrug* Dust washes off. I don't care:) It'll be fun, a new
experience. If I'm in the dust, I'll have to remember to NOT wear
contacts, is all.
SkyeDS: if you have an experienced cowhorse you won't have to do much
of anything at all but stay in the saddle.
evile: Sounds like my speed :)
SkyeDS: I wasn't thinking about on your clothes, I twas thinking
about in your nose, throat, lungs and eyes.
evile: I'm taking a bandanna or 2.
evile: Maybe I'll pack some eye drops too. :)
evile: Mom's so excited. AND Uncle Bubba has apparently pulled his
head out of his ass and is once again in contact with her & being
nice.
SkyeDS: that's good.
SkyeDS: my parentals and gramma are coming to visit for three days,
in two weeks.
evile: She called The Rubber Pig's youngest "My little
granddaughter"...hearing her so happy about family is motivating me
to do whatever I can to be at peace with The Rubber Pig & Bubba,too.
evile: Your folks visiting for memorial day weekend?
SkyeDS: no, weekend before. we're going to steppes warlord in Dallas
MD weekend
evile: Oh, ok. duh. Cool :) 3 days is just long enough, I think :)
SkyeDS: you know what they say about guests, fish & three days.
SkyeDS: I told sonar0m given their bad behavior at Xmas I thought, not
for their sake, but for his and mine, that we should trade his days
out
evile: heh
evile: Whatever keeps the peace & doesn't hurt anybody is good.
SkyeDS: makes my life damned inconvenient, considering that we have a
monday night commitment that I'll have to pick him up for on the way
home from work, but c'est la vie
evile: yeah...
SkyeDS: have to pick him up Monday night and take him back to first
day of class tuesday. is why it's not convenient as it could be.
evile: Oh well. It's not impossible, just inconvenient.
evile: Too bad he doesn't have anyone else in town to shlep or hang
with...
SkyeDS: he has friends he hangs out with on campus but I don't think
he sees them off campus.
SkyeDS: Aeris is off on Slaughter somewhere
SkyeDS: Travis is in Dallas
SkyeDS: and, I suspect one reason he doesn't already have a group to
hang out with, is because his parents have never approved of a single
friend he's ever cultivated.
evile: Aeris is not very reliable, even if he did have transpo &
crash space for sonar0m...
evile: (or at least that's the impression I've gotten ..)
SkyeDS: sonar0m is going to learn to use the buses this summer. It
will be good for him.
evile: definitely.
SkyeDS: kaleon keeps msging me out of the blue
SkyeDS: to tell me how happy he is
SkyeDS: let me know I'm forgiven for beingn an awful person
evile: How nice for him.
SkyeDS: and keep dropping little remidners of why I was so awful
SkyeDS: and when I made a tactful request (perhaps too tactful) for
an apology for his bad behavior, I got none.
SkyeDS: I don't know what the hell kind of friendship he thinks that
is.
evile: Sounds like a date I went on once--the guy talked nonstop
about his ex and what terrible things she'd done to him, ending each
tale with "But I'm over her now"...Needless to say, I did not go out
with him again.
SkyeDS: I get so tempted to write him a heartfelt letter that
includes, look, you treated me like shit, and I want an apology. A
genuine apology. Not one that has "but" anywhere in it, and not one
that flinngs mud at me.
SkyeDS: And, includes, look. I drove 9 times a year, 4 years
running, 7.5 hours ONE WAY, to visit you.
SkyeDS: so why the hell can't you mannage to visit Rockdale every now
and again
evile: If you really want to put that much trouble into beating your
head against a brick wall....
SkyeDS: and don't give me bullshit about your car, it takes you to
work and it takes you to your hangouts
SkyeDS: that's why I don't send it
SkyeDS: I know so many people who are genuinely friends or friendly
with exes
evile: heh. I don't drive Sweetie's cars out of town. So...maybe I can
see that excuse as more heartfelt than you do...
SkyeDS: they behave so maturely around one another
SkyeDS: but I have these hard feelings that he keeps exasperating and
this isn't friendship
evile: kaleon is a drama ADDICT, darling. He won't be happy for long,
he'll have to get into some mess again soon in order to feed his
jones.
evile: If you won't do him the courtesy of giving him something to
angst about, he'll have to go find it somewhere else...
SkyeDS: wonder what would happen if I were bluntly honest adn told
him, look, I want to be friends, but not on your terms, because in my
book, friends don't act that way.
evile: You'd be giving him the drama he wants.
SkyeDS: I don't want him to go away mad, I think, I just want him to
go away.
SkyeDS: I could accomplish the same thing just blocking him on
trillian
evile: I'm still shaking my head, a year + later, because it's so
inconceivable to me to think of cultivating a freindship only to make
drama with it...but I can't frame his behavior in any other context.
SkyeDS: but it would be more honest to say, look, I don't want to be
friends with you, the way you define it, sorry.
SkyeDS: before blocking him.
evile: You could always build up his ego by claiming to be 'too
heartbroken' to be 'just friends' so 'goodbye forever'. :P
evile: That would feed his drama-jones without pissing him off, and
leave you on the moral high ground :)
SkyeDS: I just ate lunch, please do not make me regurgitate my
chocolate mint cookies, they are the high point of my day :(
evile: And also be an amusing story.
evile: I'm finding that telling people what they wanna hear is often
the best possible way to stir shit, while not getting any on myself.
If it doesn't hurt me, why the hell not? :P
SkyeDS: easy would be just put him on electronic ignore without
saying a word to him and let him figure it out on his own
SkyeDS: but you pointed out the other day that that easy isn't the
same as right way
SkyeDS: so I might as well just email him and say look, if I were in
this sitch with any other friend, I would expect an apology. And I
would expect that I'm not always the one driving all the way to OK to
see Shea or all the way to Txka to see Shannon, with no reciprocity.
And i wouldn't be friends with anyone who keeps throwing shit back in
my face. So, thanks but no thanks, and don't contact me anymore.
evile: Well...you could always say "I don't have room in my life for
your friendship, but you will always be a special part of my past."
something like that....
evile: Because that's true....as far as it goes.
SkyeDS: I don't have it in my heart to say that.
SkyeDS: the person who was special in the past is long gone.
evile: That's too bad.
SkyeDS: if I thought my words would reach the right ground, I would
say that, but he's aggravated me to the point I wish he'd take a long
walk off a short cliff
SkyeDS: and on top of that he msgs me with things he knows are
inflammatory when he knows I"m at work.
evile: that's always a lovely tactic
SkyeDS: I was so tempted the other day to say, you know what, why
don't you run play in traffic now like a good boy because Aunt Skye
has to work.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: as it was I did the cowardly thing and just set myself away
util he left
evile: How about "have a nice life, I do not want to be part of it"..?
SkyeDS: with no reasonn given whatsoever
SkyeDS: I like that too
SkyeDS: all he'd do given my reasons is argue them
evile: You don't owe him an explanation. And you're right, he'd just
want to argue. If you dont' feel like the relationship is fixable,
why give him another ball in his court?
SkyeDS: I would like to be friends, but not the way things are now,
while it is the absolute truth, leaves too much room for war
SkyeDS: so I don't wat to be friends, period, while not the exact
truth, would certainly leave him no room
evile: But if you give him room, he's just going to argue with you
and tell you what a bag of assholes you are...which is not productive
for either of you.
SkyeDS: and right now I don't konw that I might not have an easier
time beign nice to Randy of all people.
evile: Maybe you could say "I need some time, can I call you when I'm
more at peace with how things ended?"
SkyeDS: I like go away. don't go away mad, just go away.
SkyeDS: I mean, what do I care.
evile: "Can you leave me alone for Xamount of time, and I'll call you
when I'm not so hurt & angry"
SkyeDS: I ca't make him understand what I want and why
SkyeDS: he's going to make drama no matter what
evile: well, yeah.
SkyeDS: so just, go away
SkyeDS: not eve, go away and come back when you've gotten over your
bad self, that's fightin words. just, have a nice day.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: I will probably never finnd out whether or not he has matured
enough to be frieds with but right now I really, really don't give a
damn
evile: Leave it simple, don't give him any wriggle room or room
to 'interpret' what isn't there...
SkyeDS: and if it weren't for what you said the other day, I would
continue to handle it the easy/cowardly way, not say a word, adn just
block him.
evile: Not like you don't have plenty of other friends, loved ones,
and things to do...
evile: When something or someone becomes more trouble than they're
worth, time to say goodbye...
evile: You can't control how he's going to feel about it, or make him
understand if he's dead-set against understanding. Why keep hurting
yourself?
evile: (saw 2 current RHPS cast on the train, BTW)
SkyeDS: I don't know if he's still doing that. He says he's hanging
out at some coffeeshop near campus called Metro
SkyeDS: I have no clue where or what that is and no desire to find out
evile: I hate driving/parking on & near campus.
SkyeDS: and my guess is, for a number of reasons, that I won't run
into him at Polys or Voyagers when I have time to socialize in the
indeterminate future
evile: heh. Nope.
SkyeDS: he will think I'm "active" because I post now and again
SkyeDS: and he won't go and run the risk of seeing sonar0m in the role
of SO or Master.
SkyeDS: besides, he is such a wannabe poseur that I'm sure the empty
headed college girls are just his speed
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: sonar0m said the other day that after havinng adult
conversationsn about adult topics with sineater & me, he can't stand the
conversations particularly of the girls his own age at ACC.
evile: heh.
evile: I can see that.
SkyeDS: his little 14 yo cousin that we took out riding in the park
one day had a debate about philosophy with M's mom, got disgusted and
gave up.
SkyeDS: sad not to be able to hold your own in a debate w/ a 14 yo

2194Re: icq w/A

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evilE

May 10, 2004

 

 

evile: I've made the mistake of equating "well-read"
with "intelligent"
SkyeDS: she is neither
SkyeDS: she's ultra hippy, ultra liberal, ultra knee jerk emotion, no
ability to answer why whatsoever in any logical fashion
evile: sad.
evile: I think I got sunburned yesterday--on the back of my neck, of
all possible places...I suppose it could be worse!
SkyeDS: I remember you got scalp burned once when we went to Pecan
street...
evile: Yeah, the top of my head is a little tender, too. I should
probably have a hat while I'm in MT.
SkyeDS: I always wear a hat when I'm on trails
SkyeDS: even if it's just a little black baseball cat
evile: I had a brand-new bottle of spf 48 yesterday.
evile: Mostly it did good.
evile: Alot of the women out there were either in suits or just
topless.
evile: None of the guys had any body hair--that was freaky.
SkyeDS: that's funny
SkyeDS: radio host the other day was saying that mostly men out at
hippy hollow, scrawny and overly hairy.
evile: & they were all cut. Which was the norm when I was single, but
not seeing that at home makes it look odd.
SkyeDS: I have never seen an uncut one before (other than pictures
and few of those)
evile: When we got there, there was one very very tan older guy with
no hair (not even 'there'), and by the time we were packing up to
leave, there was about 3 guys off to his right, all hairless with
beer bellies
SkyeDS: you know, for oral reasons I keep myself very well trimmed
there (not shaven, mind you)
evile: And one guy off to our left with a PA piercing & also no body
hair.
SkyeDS: I don't see how it would hurt a man to stay trim there
evile: shaving is unpleasant.
SkyeDS: so as to avoid hair in mouth
SkyeDS: not shaved, just trim
evile: yeah, trimming's no biggie.
SkyeDS: maybe I"ll sit them down and take the scissors in hand myself
SkyeDS: ok, now just sit very still please thank you
evile: heh.
evile: seems that if a guy has a beard, he's got his little beard
scissors handy after the morning shower, anyway...would not be too
hard to spruce up the bush...
evile: the couple I went with, the wife stayed in her swimsuit &
shorts & the hub went natural. It was hard not to stare...I hope I
didn't make him uncomfy. He's just so not-Sweetie.. :P
evile: it's wierd...but I feel better about my bod after spending
time out there.
evile: I wouldn't go by myself. 1) admission is $10 per car and 2)
there were a couple of hispanic guys just kind of 'cruising' and
doing the 'creepy eye' thing.
evile: It's kind of wierd how you don't feel shame until someone is
looking at you in a way that suggests THEY are ashamed of looking...
SkyeDS: I try not to think about being stared at like at Madrigal in
the corset
SkyeDS: I can't dress like that and not get stared at
evile: exactly...
SkyeDS: and the women attached to the men probably think I'm a hussy
that should know I look like a bucket of guts <shrug>
evile: No tellin'.
evile: I like looking at cleavage. *shrug* I dont' give much of a
care who it's attached to.
SkyeDS: I appreciate beauty when I see it. I care not if it's male
or female.
SkyeDS: when I was dealing BJ the dancers at the rose used to
encourage me to take my shirt off all the time, it was funny.
evile: There's a big hoo-ha over on the wench.org boards because some
guy collected a bunch of faire photos of cleavage.
SkyeDS: well you know the shit I get every year at Madrigal
evile: He has pop-ups that link to porn/fetish sites, but his site
is 'clean' in that all of the women are out in public and wearing
clothes.
SkyeDS: look.
evile: All of these liberated wenches fussing and cussing because
someone might be looking at their photos and abusing themselves.
SkyeDS: people are going to take pictures
SkyeDS: and unless you tell them not to, they'regoing to do what they
want with them
SkyeDS: so if you don't wat the pictures taken
SkyeDS: don't go out like that
evile: If a guy/gal has a fetish for wench garb, he's going to get
off no matter where he/she sees the pictures.
SkyeDS: it is not eve remotely the same as like the gym photos or the
coffee shop photos those men are being sued over
SkyeDS: I was surprised that there are so many webpages with my
unicorn pics out there
SkyeDS: but there are probably pics of Arthur, the horses, and us,
all over the place now
SkyeDS: if you say yes, you may take a pic, you have to know it could
end up anywhere
evile: I haven't seen any of your unicorn photos .

Most faire tickets have fine print on the back that say something
like "by buying this ticket, you give permission for your image to be
used"
SkyeDS: and you have to know, if you go out in any way as to draw
attention, there will be pics without your permission
evile: Mostly the faire does that to cover their own butts so they
can use candid patron photos in their advertising material, but it
can also be interpreted as blanket permission for any patron to
photograph any other patron.
SkyeDS: one day on way to yoga in my workout duds a UTDT reporter
nabbed us, and there was a photo in the DT the next day.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: silly girls.
evile: So far, Mandi & donna have been the only sane voices on that
board.Typically, Bronxelf went nuts and got all the guys contact info
& started conspiring with hackers...
evile: Bronxelf is the kind of person who'd use a bazooka to kill a
fly buzzing around her head.
evile: I can't figure out why *anyone* likes her or wants to be
around her.
evile: I can see why people would want to stay on her good side, but
when getting on her bad side and being there FOREVER is as easy as
not returning an email within 24 hours, why bother?
evile: The thing about 'fetishes' is that if everybody shut down
their webpage because somebody was getting off on it, there would be
no more internet
SkyeDS: zactly
evile: Bronxelf is formidable & has few scruples. I am grateful to be
beneath her notice & would never try and actually befriend her, lest
I find her steel between my ribs...she's a freak...
SkyeDS: somewhere in the world is somebody who would get off on those
awesome pictures you took at Ingleside. Either get off on the kid,
the horse, or the bucket of guts on the horse with the kid behind her.
evile: I posted about running my pantyhose in my online diary and had
web hits from perverts around the world...
SkyeDS: omg lol
evile: One girl at Journalcon told this hilarious story about how she
went outside barefoot and accidentally stepped on a snail. She wrote
about it in her blog & was getting email from some pervo in Scotland
who wanted to lay down on the snails and then have her step on
him..he offered to pay her.
evile: There is NO tellin' what freaky people are going to be
into...my rule of thumb is to not leave unsecured any photo or
journal entry that I'd be ashamed to have my parents see.
SkyeDS: boss bluescreened.
evile: aha.
SkyeDS: I'm ordering him DSL & webhosting today. If I can just get
the order i nbefore he crashes, agian
evile: would be a good thing!
evile: Did I tell you [brother A] & The Rubber Pig are going to do the Justice of the
Peace thing instead of a church wedding? Or at least that's the
current plan, I think.
SkyeDS: with a reception or whatever? surely they're going to do some
sort of family get together.
evile: I don't know...I haven't heard anything.
SkyeDS: sineater says he has been tryinng to get in touch with [brother A] who
is not responding (email &/or phone calls)
evile: could be he's just busy. sineater & have gone months without
speaking, and to my knowledge it wasn't because we were angry with
one another or avoiding each other...
SkyeDS: lol I have learned not to impute anything beyond what he said
evile: *shrug* that's the problem with prolonged silence....you never
know if it's motivated from some anger or hurt, or 'just cuz'
SkyeDS: if I don't answer Kaleon's emails within 5 minutes he gets
upset, and 24 hours later I get a demand for response.
evile: That's much too high maintenance, esp. for 'just friends'.....
evile: I don't know how I did it, but whatever I did/said to him, he
hasn't emailed or messaged me since...I guess I should count my
blessings!
evile: (then again, he and I didn't have nearly as much history as
you, AND I am 98% sure the only reason he was friends with me for as
long as it lasted was because he was getting ammo to use against
you...)
SkyeDS: I'm positive you were another Sharon / "the kitten is hurt
and it followed me home can I keep it?"
SkyeDS: <shrugs>
evile: He got what he wanted from me, so he's got no reason to keep
pestering. Wheras there is something else he wants from you....
SkyeDS: well whatever he wants from me, he just blew it, because I'm
so annoyed with him by now, I'd just as soon block him without even
saying good bye.
evile: I don't care to see myself in 'hurt kitten' light, so I pretty
much reject that interpretation on the grounds that it doesn't paint
me in a flattering light :P
SkyeDS: just noting that I have some experience with that if you
don't answer me in 24 hours I'm going to take it in the worst way
possible stuff
SkyeDS: there's a difference in your in truth being a hurt kitten and
him seeing you as one.
evile: Well, like I said, you don't owe him anything. There's always
a chance that if you stick him on 'ignore' he will find another way
to pester. Boy's not good on taking a hint. But...you have to look
after your own well being. If he's stressing you out, block him and
be done with it.
SkyeDS: except that it's cowardly and you made a valid point about
Sharjinka the other day, I would.
evile: The diff being that Jinx is someone whose friendship you
wish to keep...and kaleon is being a jerk & if he keeps acting like an
ass you dont' want anything to do with him.
SkyeDS: as it is, next time he msgs me (maybe I"ll get lucky and he
won't anymore) I will write him saying simply, this isn't going to
work, I'm sorry, goodbye.
SkyeDS: really?
SkyeDS: it would be SO much easier to just drop him without saying
anything.
evile: Well...with X, I told her I didn't want to hear from
her...and then when she kept after me I didn't feel I owed her any
more responses.
evile: So, depending on how clear you've made it that his current
behavior is hurtful and unacceptable, you may have said all you need
to say & could 'ignore' from there on out...
SkyeDS: I haven't said anything yet
SkyeDS: because I didn't want to hear the explosion
SkyeDS: I tried tactfully to ask for an apology for what hurt
SkyeDS: didn't get one
SkyeDS: and got more mud flung at me afterwards
SkyeDS: so I'm not inclined to say squat anymore.
SkyeDS: although I suppose it could be debated that my request for an
apology and a ceasing of the mud flinging was so tactful that it beat
completely around the bush and missed the bush altogether
evile: it's possible...aries are not known for being tactful or
recognizing it when used on them.
SkyeDS: at this point I feel like it's as academic as angels/devils
on the heads of pins
SkyeDS: if I put it to him in the direct language I knnow even an
Aries cannot misinterpret
SkyeDS: he's going to blow up
evile: "I don't like the way you're treating me, I don't feel I
deserved it, and I am not interested in being abused anymore. bye!"
SkyeDS: if I don't say a word and just ignore him, he's goinng to
blow up
evile: "Have a nice life. Good bye"
evile: "I don't want to hear from you again until May 2005. Call me
then if you're still interested in being friends."
evile: I like the timeframe one, myself.
SkyeDS: ...do you? why?
evile: That way you aren't slamming the door forever, just saying
that you want time to be left alone and get on with your life...
SkyeDS: he does have a short memory
evile: And if he abides by your wishes, that may prove some maturity
& willingness to work with you on the issues at hand.
SkyeDS: he might not remember what mud he wants to fling if I said
shut up and leave me alone for a year
evile: By then, you'll also hopefully be healed from some of the
hurts & able to see things more objectively, too.
evile: And if he's the same jackass in a year that he is now, you can
ask for another year :P
SkyeDS: definitely not be so touchy, I know I wouldn't be
evile: right.
evile: I think it's definitely fair to ask for some time, but still
leave the ball in his court & give him some power in the relationship
by giving a definite time frame.
SkyeDS: and that is more in line with what I want, without explaining
it i detail
evile: the devils' in the details.
SkyeDS: although truthfully right now I wish he'd just forget I exist
evile: Tell him what you want/need, see if he'll agree to it, and
then put him on 'ignore' either way after that.
SkyeDS: the day he msged me last, that night I had nightmares
evile: You don't need that BS. You have enough positive challenges
going on right now.

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2195Re: icq w/A

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evilE

May 10, 2004

 

 

SkyeDS: that's what I"ll do
evile: sounds good. I hope it works :)
SkyeDS: wait until he says something again, and then say, you know,
things are raw right now between us. how bout we give it a year
space.
SkyeDS: like till my birthday next year.
evile: There ya go.
SkyeDS: thank you, that's a practical solution
evile: You're welcome. I really hope it works out.
evile: (did not work for me & X..but that's her fault, I think...)
SkyeDS: if he can't handle it, he goes off a cliff far as I'm
concerned, and no loss
SkyeDS: I can't remember the last time I spent in company with the
person I remember as my friend
evile: I told her to leave me alone and I needed time, but a) she
kept pestering and b) then she got busted for drugs and then c) she
STILL kept pestering....
evile: I'd like to think that if she'd just given me time and not
been a druggie skank, we might be friends again..oh well. I hear
ya...I can't remember the last time I spent time with her and we
actually enjoyed each other as friends...
evile: I felt loss when we fell out, but more than that, I was just
relieved. And it seems to me that if someone is important to your
life and GOOD for you, losing them should not be a relief...
SkyeDS: maybe if she gives you space of a year
SkyeDS: and then you cross paths (without her pestering, just run
into each other or whatever) things will be different
SkyeDS: I would hope that for us
evile: It's been a year since the original fallout...only about 7
months since the drug bust.
SkyeDS: but it won't happen until the person I loved and was my best
friend comes back
evile: If it was just a matter of her using me and treating me
shamefully, that would be one thing...
SkyeDS: Hugh said he liked Van Helsing.
SkyeDS: non sequitur sorry
evile: but then she badmouthed me to my family. She got busted for
selling drugs. Her daughter had hardcore porn in her room and wasn't
shocked or offended by the material, was very matter of fact about
the content of the mags & the drugs ...
SkyeDS: I think the person you loved is gone too
evile: And now she's got her web-cam pictures that very clearly show
her STONED on many occasions. And apparently she still has her
children and is still exposing them to that, plus a parade of
boyfriends...I'm sorry, but I can't approve of that or be around
that. Its sick and it's child abuse and there's not a fuckin' thing I
can do to protect the kids from it...so I just can't be involved.
SkyeDS: and if the people as we knew and loved them are gone, why
bother?
SkyeDS: I don't like the "new" kaleon, at all
evile: People change & grow, that's normal & desirable..but they can
grow apart,and they can discard parts of themselves that they find to
be liabilitiies, but which were precious to the people who loved
them...
SkyeDS: I don't care to be friends with someone who found it a
liability to be discarded that he should apologize when he's abusive
and try not to do it again and cease flinging mud under the guise
of "but I forgive you"
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: and i have no clue as to what valuable things X must have
found liabilities to be discarded
SkyeDS: that whole sitch makes my head hurt.
SkyeDS: and I"m not nearly as close to it as you, like duh
SkyeDS: you know, my mother says my memory is a big drawback
SkyeDS: because it enables me to bear grudges
evile: *sigh*
evile: It's not the memory, it's the fact that the feelings stay
fresh.
SkyeDS: and I thought I was being big of me, not to fling mud
SkyeDS: so I'm sitting here being all good and not flinging mud and
does anyone notice, no, because anyone is too busy flinging it at ME.
evile: It's hard not to fight back with the same thing that's being
used on you...
SkyeDS: I suspect if you keep finding out stuff about the kids, you
will either a) arrange to have them kidnapped or some other vigilante
justice
SkyeDS: or b) end up calling CPS
SkyeDS: and CPS is a crap shoot
SkyeDS: Linda was one of the angels there ....and she's gone
evile: Yup. I just can't know. It hurts too much and I can't do a
fuckin' thing. Maybe the CPS worker will be itnerested in the up at 3
a.m. stoned photos of the children's parent & primary caretaker, or
maybe not...
SkyeDS: with CPS there's no telling
SkyeDS: you could end up with a Linda
SkyeDS: or you could end up like Stephanie & Mellisandra
SkyeDS: except you have no kids for them to come after you for
evile: The kids could always end up with something worse...the foster
system is a nightmare.
SkyeDS: zactly
SkyeDS: almost all comprised of truly nutcase religious wackos.
evile: I have no doubt that [goddessdaughter J] (and maybe the boys) will be/have
been molested by her druggie friends...but maybe not to the degree
that it would happen in foster care...
evile: The way J talked about the acts in the magazine really
bothered my mom...and she's worked within 'the system' long enough to
know how to talk to kids about abuse without leading, etc.
SkyeDS: <arched brow> I didn't know J had talked to your mom,
that's a good thing. what did she say tho?
evile: X was molested by at least one of her mother's druggie
boyfriends growing up...
evile: Mom called & talked to the kids right after the bust, when the
children were at C & M V's.
SkyeDS: it is interesting. abusers either perpetrate abuse/allow it
when they grow up, or grow up to fight it passionately.
evile: It's also possible that J was/is selling at school, from
what she said to my mom
evile: X's mom was molested by a Catholic priest (who was also
sleeping with her mother) when she was a little girl...that whole
family is so fucked up.....back and back and back ....nothing but
sickness.
SkyeDS: you observed that what you do when you are an adult about the
cycles before you were an adult, is up to you.
SkyeDS: something Dr. Laura says too, interestingly enough.
evile: ick...I don't want to agree with her bout anything!!
SkyeDS: hate to tell you this, but you agree with her frequently
about the issues connected with children.
SkyeDS: you're just not as bitchy in the way you express. which
makes it easier to swallow
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: no point in having good ideas if you can't get anyone to
listen to them because you are being a bitch.
evile: I may be extreme, and I don't have kids, so how do I
know...but if I had a daughter and ANYBODY did ANYTHING to her...I'd
cut his nuts off.
SkyeDS: I've said it before, I'll say it again. If you harm my child
(my current "children", or any of the children to whom I am Aunt
Skye), I will kill you. With my bare hands. And I'll call Hugh and
the Sherriff ahead of time to let them know i"m coming and why.
evile: Yup.
SkyeDS: sineater & sonar0m: She has out the sword and we can't stop her
this time.
evile: I just don't understand why I get as distressed & protective
of a kid that isnt 'mine, but parents can just let shit happen ...
SkyeDS: anymore than I understand parents that will let their kids
swing from the tail of a horse.
SkyeDS: when they don't know my horse from the devil.
evile: If I saw M or X on the street, I'd probably try to kill
them...
SkyeDS: and what I don't get is, we loved you, why did you do this to
us?
evile: Drugs are a very powerful thing...people do a lot of
reprehensible shit while on them, addicts then do a lot of other shit
to GET them...it's not the person, it's the drugs...but if the person
keeps choosing drugs over loved ones...what can you do?
SkyeDS: I hate it when alkies use alcohol as an excuse
SkyeDS: I wouldn't have cheated on you, it was the alcohol
SkyeDS: look
SkyeDS: you know, before you go under the influence of the substance,
what it does to you
SkyeDS: so you undergo the influence of your own free will,
deliberately and with aforethought
evile: exactly. If they're going to choose the addiction over their
loved ones, no reason to hang around to reap the consequences of
their choice.
SkyeDS: tough love is necessary
evile: yup...
SkyeDS: tough is assertive, it involves walking beside.
SkyeDS: not beneath to be walked on and not on top to walk on
SkyeDS: horses are good lesson in that. assertiveness, not bullying,
nor being bullied
evile: X hasn't shown any actual remorse...she is just trying
harder to hide stuff from people... i honestly don't know what I'd
do if I ever heard from her and heard sincerity in her voice rather
than another attempt at manipulation...
SkyeDS: I suspect if you heard sincerity you would sinncerely forgive
SkyeDS: but just how highly likely is that to happen.
evile: You think better of me than I do...I can be a pretty hard-
hearted, cold bitch. Often for no very good reason...
SkyeDS: and no one would blame you for establishign a test to the
sincerity (although she would call it "hoops")
evile: I've known her for 33 years...If she said she was sorry and
meant it, I would know.
SkyeDS: you also know better than anyone how likely that is.
evile: She might have been able to fool the judge, her parole
officer, the people at ALanon & whatever other court-ordered rehab,
but _I_ am not buying any of it.
evile: She won't be sorry until she's ODed...and maybe not even then
SkyeDS: she's not just shaping her own nightmare but her kids' too.
evile: Her whole life blew up in her face as a direct result of her
actions. She lost her home, her pets, her car, and her marriage...and
it was still somebody else's fault...
SkyeDS: a la What DreamS May Come
evile: I wish there was anything to be done for the kids...but there
just isn't. :(
SkyeDS: sounds like the damage is already done, at least to the
oldest girl.
SkyeDS: and why did M leave the kids with her anyway. that
doesn't seem like him at all.
evile: M's in Jail, or at least he was for a good long time after
they both got busted.
SkyeDS: why isn't she in jail annd the kids in foster.
evile: the court either had to find fostercare for 3 kids or believe
a firsttime offender's tearful protest that she didn't know what her
husband was doing, and she is innocent!
SkyeDS: that's nauseating
evile: Apparently she got court ordered rehab, and maybe some kind of
probation, and that's it. Her husband took the fall for the whole thing.
evile: X can cry at will.
evile: and make her voice break.
SkyeDS: nice.
evile: and she's got those big doe-eyes that look so innocent. and
for Gods SAke! She's a Mooooooother and she looooooooooves her
Chilllllldrrrruuun!
evile: Please, your honor, do whatever you need to do, but please
dont' hurt my children!!! *sob sob*
SkyeDS: and Texas slants automatically towards mom good, dad bad,
unless mom is provably pagan
evile: or a junkie.
evile: Sometimes the court will take a kid away from a junkie mom &
give custody to dad, ASSUMING of course that Dad is NOT a junkie.
SkyeDS: she proved to someone's satisfaction that she isn't a junkie :
(
SkyeDS: if she's got a PO surely they're doing regular UAs on her
(pee tests)
evile: "Oh, M had just gotten me to try it for the first time
right before the bust! But I wasn't a user, HONEST!"
evile: I dunno...she looks fucked up in alot of her photos.
SkyeDS: UAs and blood tests operate on half lives, and each drug has
a different half life
evile: she sent me a really bizarre email, one of her attempts to gte
back on my good side, something about how she lost all the weight on
her own, except for the last couple months when she'd started
partaking. Like I give a rat's ASS how she lost her weight??
SkyeDS: so once half of it is out of your system ostensibly it
doesn't test positive anymore.
evile: so basically you just need to be smart enough not to use ___
days before your PO appointment.
SkyeDS: she sent you that after she admitted herslef that she took
some otc med that made her sick when she ate wrong?
evile: *shrug* I don't care if she was binging and purging...that's
really not important, given the larger issues of breaking my trust,
M's trust, and allowing the children to be exposed to unsavory
elements..
SkyeDS: J. is already observably like her mother.
evile: I dont' care if she was using her hoover for home
liposuction...whatever. But she just totally fixated on being skinny
as one of the reasons I hated her, or whatever.
evile: J has learned how to manipulate people & how to be cute &
whatnot, yes :(
SkyeDS: I remember visiting them very early on after we got married,
and watching "Heavy Metal", when J was like....3?
SkyeDS: and thinking, I wouldn't let a 3 yo watch Heavy Metal
SkyeDS: and that the house smelled...funny
evile: hard to smell much above the smellof babies & dogs...
SkyeDS: of course at that point I had never smelled that kind of
funny before, and had no clue. sineater told me when we got home
SkyeDS: and I never said anything because who would I say it to? I
was outnumbered.
evile: oh, crud...time for me to get movin' here...
SkyeDS: aye tis
SkyeDS: <hugs> wind to your wings, clear your mind, go home :P
evile: I hope things with you & kaleon resolve themselves...
SkyeDS: they already have to my mind :)
evile: *hugs* I'm taking a big walk today, that'll do me some good
both mind & body.
evile: I'm glad :)
SkyeDS: ciao bella, a la domanni
evile: take care :)