I can't stop crying. I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate my job, and the one person I love and wanted to spend my life with is someone I can't trust and who doesn't respect me enough to follow through and do what they say they're going to do.
I have wasted the last 9 years of my life on loving this person.
I have wasted the last 6 years of my life on a job that's going nowhere. No raise in 3 years, despite "outstanding" reviews every time.
I am thinking of getting another job, both for the money and to keep me out of the house.
Just a side-thought: There is something fundamentally fucking wrong with Amerikkka when I am a degreed white collar worker and I am having to get a second job to make ends meet.
A further tangent: There is something fundamentally wrong with an 'empowering' philosophy of gender that sends you off to work in an office 40 hours a week, but still expects you to be a perfect mom and keep a perfect house, with no apparent expectation that the male genetic donor to said offspring will do anything more than they've always done, historically world without end amen. What BULLSHIT!!
But mostly it's just my life. I've got nothing to look forward to, no reason to go on living, and the person who should be my hope and my haven, my partner, lover and other half doesn't give one shit about me, if we judge by actions rather than words.
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timeasmymeasure
2380my unsent letter
Date: 2020-09-21 08:12 pm (UTC)Jul. 20, 2004
I can't stop crying. I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate my job,
and the one person I love and wanted to spend my life with is someone
I can't trust and who doesn't respect me enough to follow through and
do what they say they're going to do.
I have wasted the last 9 years of my life on loving this person.
I have wasted the last 6 years of my life on a job that's going
nowhere. No raise in 3 years, despite "outstanding" reviews every
time.
I am thinking of getting another job, both for the money and to keep
me out of the house.
Just a side-thought: There is something fundamentally fucking wrong
with Amerikkka when I am a degreed white collar worker and I am
having to get a second job to make ends meet.
A further tangent: There is something fundamentally wrong with
an 'empowering' philosophy of gender that sends you off to work in an
office 40 hours a week, but still expects you to be a perfect mom and
keep a perfect house, with no apparent expectation that the male
genetic donor to said offspring will do anything more than they've
always done, historically world without end amen. What BULLSHIT!!
But mostly it's just my life. I've got nothing to look forward to, no
reason to go on living, and the person who should be my hope and my
haven, my partner, lover and other half doesn't give one shit about
me, if we judge by actions rather than words.