2882me & Sineater

[evile]

 

 

Jan. 31, 2005

 

 

Sineater: ok we try this again
evile: hey :)
Sineater: holy shit it worked
Sineater: wanted to apologize for the way i behaved last night
Sineater: i am sorry for jumping to conclusions and overreacting. you
didn't deserve that
evile: No problem. I appreciate your honesty, and the chance to talk
things thru so we understand each other. I hope we got there?
Sineater: at least somewhere i think
Sineater: looks like texas
evile: Ok. The lines of communication are still open, and we still
love & respect each other, so that's the important part.
Sineater: that'll work :)
evile: good ;)
Sineater: please understand, i didn't tell you what to post or not to
post. i wouldn't do that. i took issue with what you posted, but it
was unwarranted, and i was in the wrong.
evile: Ok.
Sineater: j boy getting his ideas from wherever isn't your
responsibility, and he can pull things out of his butt or anybody
else's
evile: I consider the good/help the info is doing to be worth the
trouble one goofball wants to make with it.
Sineater: was a coincidence and i jumped to the wrong conclusion
Sineater: so do i :)
evile: Several of my friends are people who've been divorced before,
and seems this info is really helping them feel good about the
divorce and their new relationships.
Sineater: i'm glad
evile: me too.
evile: I did tell Kaleon I thought he needed help with his issues, but I
am pretty sure that any abuse in his life began at home, at
childhood.
Sineater: i did what j boy did, saw things only in terms of my own
situation. i'm ashamed of that.
evile: it's possible that he chose A because he saw echoes of his own
childhood trauma there, and tried to re-create it with her. It's
unfortunate, and was unhealthy for both of them.
Sineater: i have wondered about that, too. i think he's just trying
to make excuses for not trying to make his life better by blaming it
all on somebody else
evile: it's sad, and I do feel sorry for him, but not in an
immediate, involved kind of way. Just in a 'look, you're making my
family unhappy, so please go work on your shit and give the LJ crap
a rest' kind of way
Sineater: what's humourous about that is, if that were the case, he
switched himself from abused to abuser
evile: it's not an uncommon pattern.
Sineater: no :(
Sineater: he put her through the wringer the last couple of months
before they broke up. when she tried later on to salvage even a
friendship, he got even worse. he's not even the same person he was
when he first came to austin. it's sad because i had when he first
came down finally gotten to a pointwhere i thought i could be his
friend
Sineater: he turned into a very emotionally manipulative person. like
me at my worst (as far as i can tell.... i'm not the best judge of
that)
evile: abusers can't stand to be scrutinized. without the smoke and
mirrors of a sexual relationship, they'd have just been relating as
people, which would have involved holding the self up for examination
by the other person.
Sineater: hmm
Sineater: our situation (Skye_ds's and mine) got a lot clearer once we
backed away from each other some
evile: "...two strong desires within the abusive personality: The
first, is a desire to remain hidden and the second, is a desire not
to feel inferior."
Sineater: i see both of those things going on with him. i couldn't
even start to be better, or even to deal with my own feelings of
inferiority, without having to stop being secretive about everything
evile: *nod*
Sineater: it used to hurt that he was going the same way i did, and
nothing i did would reach him
evile: Everyone wants to be respected, everyone wants to feel
worthwhile. Abused and abusers both are often people who don't have
enough self esteem to feel worthy of respect, so they seek out
situations that will prove that to themselves, in painful and
terrible ways.
evile: I think he needs more help than a well-meaning friend can give
at this point.
evile: Which is why, for me, the best thing to do was say "look, you
have issues and you need professional help."
Sineater: i knew that for a while now. i've been just keeping him
distant. i was glad when he left town... and pretty certain he's be
coming back, since he always hated nowatta anyway
evile: I wish he could see more options for himself than home &
miserable, or here and about-to-be- miserable-again.
Sineater: after sharon, i got to watch him do all the things to
Skye_ds that i had done after he came into the picture. it was.
sobering.
evile: nobody deserves to be mistreated.
Sineater: nod
Sineater: after watching all that, her screaming and crying and
hurting herself over him, i got very defensive of her where Kaleon is
concerned
evile: *nod* I know you are protective of A.
Sineater: and i think this time i overreacted. i let him jerk my
chain.
evile: yup. Personally, I have more immediate things to worry and
rejoice about, so J can be gone, with my blessings & hope for a
better future.
Sineater: nod. i jumped at a shadow, because he does try the sly
thing, he does try to conspire. fortunately he's not any good at
it... maybe he'll learn from that someday
evile: he's not our problem anymore, unless we choose to let him be.
Sineater: very true
Sineater: let him grow or rot on his own
evile: yup
Sineater: may i reply and apologize to your lj? i was not trying to
tell you not to post anything, and i am ashamed that i made you feel
like i was.
evile: It's up to you, honey. You don't need to make stuff public,
since I haven't and won't. But if it will make you feel better, then
by all means, go for it :)
Sineater: i want to make clear to people who read your lj that i
didn't want you to feel like i was telling you not to post things. i
know how i would react if anyone told me not to post something
evile: OK.
evile: I felt like that for a bit, but then when I went through and
re-thought our conversation, I realized that really wasn't what you
had been saying, even though I felt at the time like it was.
Sineater: i'm glad. i didn't want you to feel like that
evile: *nod*
Sineater: hey look---
http://www.cnn.com/2005/ALLPOLITICS/01/31/clinton/index.html ...
maybe it's a brain tumor!
evile: more like a bad clam.
Sineater: i was not going to speculate on her personal hygiene.
evile: *lol*
evile: A said you had an interview today. How did it go?
Sineater: coming up ~3:30 or so
Sineater: i expect to make a good impression
evile: *fingers crossed*
Sineater: it's with.... d e double hockeysticks
evile: eeps.
Sineater: ajilon seems to have suddenly found a position over there
that will not require me to go to new hampster. gee.
evile: that whole thing was so bizarre.
Sineater: what, them trying to force me to go up there by closing off
all other assignments, and using my surgery as a carrot? naah...
makes perfect sense to me. :(
Sineater: brb

Comments

2885Re: me & Sineater

[evile]

Jan. 31, 2005


Sineater: doing some pre-interview research
evile: *nod*
evile: I wasn't very productive this a.m., trying to get my numbers
before I leave at 4. It's kind of nice being challenged (even if it's
due to my own laziness this a.m.)
evile: I didn't learn many very good argument skills growing up, it
was always lots of hollering. Since I hate hollering, I just bite my
tongue when people annoy me, and then end up kitchen-sinking people
when things finally get to a breaking point. I did that to you last
night, and I am sorry for that. I'm glad that we talked beyond that
point & I hope we both said what we felt needed to be sai