EJ- Me & J-Law

[evile]

 

2879me to J-Law

 

Jan. 31, 2005

 

 

Sineater called Sunday and took me to task for emailing Kaleon and posting
something in A's LJ that he saw as me being dismissive of her
feelings & telling her to just get over it. I started out well, with
a cheerful "OK" every time he said anything and then thanking him for
calling, but then he pushed a button (now I don't even remember what
he said!) and I basically blew up at him, told him that A needs to
let me know herself when I piss her off, and I'm sick of only hearing
from him when there's drama to be had, tired of being shoved into no-
win situations by him and her, and bla bla. He seemed abashed, rather
than angry in turn, which was nice, but I think the overall effect
was to push him away and prevent future honest communication, which
is always regrettable. Oh well.

•  

 

2880Re: the latest LJ drama

 

Jan. 31, 2005

 

 

deleted this:
 

> evilE
> 2005-01-29 17:51 (link)
> You should not let this take so much of your energy. Those who know
> you will believe one thing and those closer to him will believe
> another. Neither of you is going to convince anyone on 'the

opposite

> side' of anything...He may get some mileage out of his 'woman who
> done me wrong' story, and that's too bad for him and anyone who

gets

> involved with him out of pity...but it's not your problem anymore.
>
> He *did* go away. Hopefully he will change focus from what is past
> and done and regrettable to future, hopes & dreams and doing

better.

> What he says and does are not your problem anymore.
>
> Now you need to change your focus to your own existence, the here-

and-

> now, the things that make you happy & the people you care about and
> who care about you. Be happy. You are loved. You have beautiful
> things in your life. That's the important part.

Put this in its place:

*hugs*
evilE
2005-01-31 14:54
I'm sorry you're unhappy. I wish I'd been able to say the right thing
to convey my caring.

•  

 

2881Re: me to J-Law

 

Jan. 31, 2005

 

 

J-Law:

That's really too bad about Sineater. I am sorry to hear about that. On
the other hand, it sounds like you needed to get that stuff off your
chest. A person can hold their tongue for only so long, and I think
that your points are perfectly valid. As we have said, you can't
interfere/judge/change with their lives, the stuff that is just
between them. However, I think you are perfectly within your rights
to ask that their/UB's interaction with you follow certain basic
rules of decency, kindness, good manners, whatever. If UB is pissed
off at you, you are entitled to hear it firsthand, from her, not from
Sineater-as-messenger-boy.

Comments

2884Re: me to J-Law

[evile]

Jan. 31, 2005


evilE H wrote:
Research is fun, when it's wine and frillies :)

I have not had much of a productive day at work,
either.

But A and I seem to be OK, if cautious. Here is a
hopeful snippet from today's ICQ session:

evile: I think I drew my line in the sand pretty
clearly and established some rules for future
interaction that will be productive.
SkyeDS: boundaries = good
evile: Including, if YOU are offended, YOU need to
tell me. I did not really get the impression that you
were offended and told him to bite me in the ass this
particular time, but it bears restating. I think you
and I have enough respect for one another to deal
directly with one another in a respectful,
growth-oriented fashion.
SkyeDS: I would hope we do. I feel that we do.
evile: good.

==========================


From: "J-Law
Subject: Re: Happy Monday
To: "evilE "


Yup!

Well, I certainly hope that things go well. Hopeful is good - it's
good for both of you to look forward to improved relations. But
caution is equally important, especially for you in this situation.
Purely outsider's perspective here: she has demonstrated over and
over again that certain of her behaviors do not improve in the long
term, despite indications that they will. I think she continues to
operate on the belief that one standard of behavior applies to her,
and another standard applies to everyone else.

That said, I do believe you and A's relationship has evolved for the
better, if slowly, over time. I hope that continues, but, yes.... be
cautious, too.