Betrayal Bonds
Dec. 31st, 2004 12:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evileExploitive relationships create betrayal bonds. These occur when a
victim bonds with someone who is destructive to him or her. The worst
is a mind numbing highly addictive attachment to the people who have
hurt you. You may even blame yourself, your defects, your failed
efforts. You strive to do better as your life slips away in a swirl
of the intensity. These attachments cause you to distrust your own
judgement, distort your own realities and place yourself at even
greater risk. The great irony? You are bracing yourself against
further hurt. The result? A guarantee of more pain. These
attachements have a name. They are called betrayal bonds. A number of
signs indicate the presence of a betrayal bond:
1.When everyone around you has strong negative reactions, yet you
continue covering up, defending or explaining a relationship.
2.When there is a constant pattern of non-performance yet you
continue to believe false promises.
3.When there are repetitive destructive fights that nobody wins.
4.When others are horrified by something that happens to you and you
are not
5.When you obsess over showing someone that he or she is wrong about
you, your relationship, or the person's treatment of you
6.When you feel stuck because you know what the other person is doing
is destructive but believe you cannot do anything about it
7.When you feel loyal to someone even though you harbor secrets that
are damaging to others
8.When you move closer to someone you know is destructive to you with
the desire to converting them to a non-abuser
9.When someones talents, charisma or contributions cause you to
overlook destructive, exploitive or degrading acts
10.When you cannot detach from someone even though you do not trust,
like or care for them
11.When you find yourself missing a relationship, even to a point of
nostalgia and longing, that was so awful it almost destroyed you
12.When extraordinary demands are placed on you to measure up as a way
to cover up that you've been exploited
13.When you keep secret someones destructive behavior toward you
because of all the good they have done or the importance of their
position or career
14.When the history of your relationship is about contracts or
promises that have been broken and that you are asked to overlook
from The Betrayal Bond by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D.
victim bonds with someone who is destructive to him or her. The worst
is a mind numbing highly addictive attachment to the people who have
hurt you. You may even blame yourself, your defects, your failed
efforts. You strive to do better as your life slips away in a swirl
of the intensity. These attachments cause you to distrust your own
judgement, distort your own realities and place yourself at even
greater risk. The great irony? You are bracing yourself against
further hurt. The result? A guarantee of more pain. These
attachements have a name. They are called betrayal bonds. A number of
signs indicate the presence of a betrayal bond:
1.When everyone around you has strong negative reactions, yet you
continue covering up, defending or explaining a relationship.
2.When there is a constant pattern of non-performance yet you
continue to believe false promises.
3.When there are repetitive destructive fights that nobody wins.
4.When others are horrified by something that happens to you and you
are not
5.When you obsess over showing someone that he or she is wrong about
you, your relationship, or the person's treatment of you
6.When you feel stuck because you know what the other person is doing
is destructive but believe you cannot do anything about it
7.When you feel loyal to someone even though you harbor secrets that
are damaging to others
8.When you move closer to someone you know is destructive to you with
the desire to converting them to a non-abuser
9.When someones talents, charisma or contributions cause you to
overlook destructive, exploitive or degrading acts
10.When you cannot detach from someone even though you do not trust,
like or care for them
11.When you find yourself missing a relationship, even to a point of
nostalgia and longing, that was so awful it almost destroyed you
12.When extraordinary demands are placed on you to measure up as a way
to cover up that you've been exploited
13.When you keep secret someones destructive behavior toward you
because of all the good they have done or the importance of their
position or career
14.When the history of your relationship is about contracts or
promises that have been broken and that you are asked to overlook
from The Betrayal Bond by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D.
