evile

2407Re: [brother A]/[rubber pig] Mishegoss

Aug. 2, 2004

Date: Mon, 02 Aug 2004 09:12:26 -0500
From: [stepdad]
To: evilE
Subject: Re: [brother A] in hospital

If you haven't heard yet: [brother A] attempted suicide early this morning.
The last info we have is tat he is in ICU in unstable condition. I
fell horrible I could and should have given him more support. If this
is what being honest results in.... [Mom] is beside herself with
anger and sorrow. We are leaving tomorrow morning to come down. I
pray to God [brother A] is alright.
========================

I hate to even think it, but [rubber pig] said her mom has tried to commit
suicide '14 times'....maybe this is what people do when they have to
hang out with [rubber pig] too much. she drives 'em to it.

*sigh*

2408Re: [brother A]/[rubber pig] Mishegoss

Aug. 2, 2004

me to J-Law:

One thing that keeps coming into my mind for some
reason is [rubber pig] telling me (back when she was speaking
to me before I committed whatever unspeakable offense)
that she wasn't leaving the girls with her mother for
the summer while she recovered from her big surgery
because her mom has tried to commit suicide "14 times"

I am not sure why I keep thinking of that. Maybe
trying to set some blame on someone besides [brother A].
Maybe trying to suspect [rubber pig] of OD'ing [brother A] on her
Potassium chloride prescription...I dont know. That's
evil of me to think. But they do use Potassium
chloride for state executions. Injected, not in pill
form. but an OD will give one a fatal heart attack and
the body keeps processing the potassium so that if a
blood test isn't done right away, it doesn't show up.

Anyway, I suspect that just as with X and M's
arrest & her stepdad & his new wife getting stuck with the kids and
Elaine's attempt when I didn't rush off to the
hospital right away...people are going to get mad at
me for not doing whatever they think I need to do and
distract themselves from the pain/fear/disappointment
caused by the actual person who did something.

If everyone's going to be pissed at me anyway, I'd
rather put forth the least amount of effort. It's
possible that I might be able to be the Austin
Contact--stay at [aunt L]'s, feed her cats, call people,
email people, feed people, and do my duty that way. I
dunno. I never quite understand what is expected of me
in these helpless, horrible situations, so I never do
whatever it is and people always get mad at me.

god, I sound selfish, making this about me and not
[brother A]...but he's in the hospital, nothing I can do for
him, ya know? And I'd rather cry at home in private
than in the hospital in front of strangers.

2409 icq w/sineater

Aug. 2, 2004

Sineater: hey
evile: howdy.
Sineater: talked to dad. [mom] has been talking to the icu nurse.
effectively cutting the rubber pig out of the loop.
evile: excellent.
Sineater: [aunt L] and [uncle B] are en route
evile: *nods*
Sineater: dad is geting things wrapped up up there and they are
driving down
evile: I din't realize they were driving.
Sineater: they are. hoping to hitch down to sa with them
evile: good plan.
Sineater: not sure... i feel that the most i could do is keep [aunt L]
away from [rubber pig]'s throat, and honestly i don't want to do that
evile: I don't think [aunt L] is going to misbehave. She hasn't yet.
Sineater: if the little bitch wants drama i think i am prepared to
give it to her.
evile: ugh.
Sineater: wonder now if my first impulse was right, just make her go
away. coulda woulda shoulda
Sineater: [mom] is very mad at [aunt L]. dad says [mom] thinks [aunt L] was
too honest re the rubber pig
evile: WHEN!?!?!?
Sineater: but can't see how she could not have been. frankly
evile: [rubber pig] feeds the kids and nods & smiles when [rubber pig] blathers.
WTF!?!?
evile: oops, [aunt L] feeds the k ids
Sineater: don't know myself. i did not see it
evile: I think Mom is manufacturing shit.
Sineater: [mom] said something happened towards the end of the visit.
i don't know what though
evile: ?
Sineater: maybe she and [aunt L] got into it over the rubber pig?
speculation
evile: I have no idea. Things seemed pleasant, other than whatever
[brother A] & [rubber pig] were mada at me about.
Sineater: was there more to sunday than just the comment and [brother A]
getting mad about it?
Sineater: i know [aunt L] was mad about them being late, i doubt she
would have done more than mention it though
evile: Not that I know of. They showed up and ignored me, so I left.
Then he called THursday (after his big blowup talk with dad) and
wanted to talk about "what happened Sunday"
evile: SHE DID NOT MENTION IT AT ALL!
evile: When [brother A] asked what was wrong with me Sunday, I said "well,
you were 4 hours late and then you ignored me. I thought it was rude
and I left"
Sineater: and i don't think it was just an oversight that the rubber
pig didn't say goodbye to me, i could see she was miffed at [brother A] for
talking to me for so long, and i think she reamed him on the way home
for it
evile: And then he said "We're not coming up Friday at all!" and hung
up
Sineater: nod, remember that
Sineater: not everybody in the world can just smile and nod when they
see shit like this going on, and i think it's unfair to expect
everybody to do so
Sineater: however i think it is [brother A] who expects that.
evile: I follow their lead. If tehy walk in and do not say hello or
even make eye contact, I'm not going to force conversatin.
Sineater: i agree completely, same here
evile: I'll be interested to find out if he od'ed on potassium
chloride (her scrip)
Sineater: icu said his condition is unstable, he apparently took
every pill he could find in the house
Sineater: probably including her happy stash of painkillers. i do not
believe she is in as much pain as she says she is, but i do indeed
believe she likes her pain pills
Sineater: just like rush limbaugh! setting a moral example for the
rubber pigs of the nation to follow
evile: Ugh.
evile: I'm sorry once you have a baby your life isn't your own
anymore, which means it's not yours to end.
evile: And I know if I actually see [brother A] that's what I'll tell him,
and then oh joy I get to be the big bag of shit againn
Sineater: well in her little mind, her life is hers, and her babies
accessorize it.
Sineater: there are better ways that you can put it that say the same
thing. like "please think about the children before you do something
like this again" or have one of the girls just say, "daddy, please
don't leave me"
evile: I know that. And [brother A] is an accessory, too. but this baby is
HIS and he needs to pull hsi head out of his ass and grow up and be a
fucking parent now.
Sineater: but you won't have to say it. the psychiatrist that
evaluates him before release will say all this and more :)
Sineater: right now i just think she needs to go. now. quickly.
Sineater: so i wonder if it's a good idea at all for me to go down
there
evile: not that easy anymore. There is the issue of the baby due in
March, which she & [brother A] say is HIS.
Sineater: sigh. well... i was not clear-headed enough to make a good
evaluation of whether she is pregnant or not. she may very well not
be. she told kathy she has had 14 miscarriages
Sineater: a number which is a little alarming, unless you factor in
drama. "oh i skipped a period, i must be pregnant!"
evile: she likes that #. Apparently her mother has had 14 suicide
attempts
Sineater: gasp! swoon!
Sineater: oh?
evile: no shit right.
evile: yes, which is why she didn't want to leave the kids with her
mom during/after her 'big surgery' earlier this summer. and how L&B
came to be stuck with them.
Sineater: "oh i had a preiod again! i must have miscarried!"
evile: ick.
Sineater: where is her father in all this? i wonder
evile: Jovial yet clueless is the impression I get.
Sineater: sigh.
evile: You saw the way she talked to him, I would play like that too.
Sineater: nod... nod
evile: If he actually dared to have an opinion, she'd probably rip
him apart & kick him out of his grandchildrens' lives.
evile: I know the 'children as blackmail' game all too well. I won't
play it anymore.
Sineater: and i'm sure she threatens that on a regular basis
Sineater: nod, and think you are right not to
evile: sure. it's all about getting her own way.
evile: and the kids are not people, they are extensions of herself,
so why s hould she care
Sineater: was hoping to at least have enough time to be able to help
da
oh shit. i had planned to talk to dad to try and help [brother A] and dad
communicate. i mean eventually it would have fallen to shit, right?
likely, but the rubber pig couldn't wait i guess
Sineater: did you and [mom] get into a fight before she left?
evile: yeah. Notice that the people Al & [rubber pig] cut out are the ones
who would not blow sunshine up their butts
evile: Mom & had our tiff right after I got off the phone with [brother A]
on Thursday afternoon/evening
Sineater: oh?
evile: And apparently [brother A] and Dad had THEIR tiff right before [brother A]
called Austin. Pecking order. no?
evile: I can't believe people are going to say shit about [aunt L]. Fuck
that. I am and was genuinely unsympathetic/uninterested, but [aunt L] has
been nothing but kind and accomodating for her, her diseased bastard
offspring, and full-o-shit [brother A]...this WHOOLE TIME
Sineater: they apparently had a fight over the phone shortly before
he made the attempt, as well
evile: who isthey?
evile: [brother A] and who?
Sineater: i am backing away from that for the moment. there is
something going on between [aunt L] and [mom], and i haven't seen it, so
for the moment i will try and talk reason to everybody
Sineater: oh sorry. [brother A] and dad.
evile: the attempt was at some ungodly hour this a.m., I thought?
evile: Call me at 4 a.m. and see what the fuck you get, boyo.
Sineater: nod, this was last night, fairly late
evile: Oh, ok.
Sineater: not 4 am though
evile: ugh.
Sineater: 4 am??? did she wait???
Sineater: if there was any delay, if she waited or "jsut didn't
notice" and [brother A] suffers permanent damage as a result, i will kill
her and i will not be pleasant about it.
evile: I don't know. All I know is [aunt L] called this a.m. about 7:45
to say that [rubber pig] had called to say [brother A] was in the hospital. [aunt L] &
[uncle B] then left for SA afte rthat.
evile: Then I got email from Dad maybe 9 ish to say that it was a
suicide attempt and they are leaving tomorrow a.m. for TX.
evile: And that's all I know, all I've heard.
Sineater: am i overreacting to want her completely out of the picture
at this point?
evile: I was thinking either [rubber pig] poisoned him, OR she has seen this
enough because of her mom that she instructed [brother A] on exactly what to
do & how much to take to make it look serious but not kill himself. I
know that's wrong & evil for me to think.
Sineater: and i just don't have the funds to bribe her to run away to
milano... guess it's the garrote, then. well for starters
evile: Yeah, but what about those poor little diseased, scruffy,
messed-up little bastard girls?
Sineater: i don't know. i don't think she is one for action that
direct so i doubt she would have poisoned him. instruction i don't
know.
Sineater: umm... medical experiments?
Sineater: sorry about that last. the girls are charming and could at
least maybe grow up to be happy... maybe her family could step up to
the plate? who knows...
evile: yup.
evile: The sawyers should/could at least take the oldest. It's pretty
obvious she is actually Trey's.
Sineater: there is always adoption, although the state child services
are hopelessly retarded and often harmful
evile: yup.
Sineater: oh yeah, i coluld -really- see lamar doing that...
evile: you never know.
Sineater: shrug
evile: I dont' know how much you do/don't know about Lamar & that
crowd...I really dont' think he's as much of a bastard as you're
thinking he is.
Sineater: i certainly hope not, really
evile: I hope dad doesn't buy into the 'blame [aunt L]' bullshit
evile: This is all [brother A] and maybe a tad of [rubber pig]. [aunt L] has been a
rock through every stupid mess [brother A] has ever made for himself.
Sineater: i don't know. he says [aunt L] can be vicious when she wants to
be. i don't think even [mom] really thinks that [aunt L] not liking the
rubber pig could drive [brother A] to suicide
evile: who knows? Mom's memory isn't so great.
Sineater: i think that [brother A] and [rubber pig] expecting everyone to just
smile and say "oh how lovely" when they run off and get married by
the power of the magical internet is ridiculous. if i had been there
i would have probably been visibly pissed as well, would have felt
used and manipulated
evile: well, not only that, but the multiple getting rid of paulie
attempts, the 'our apartment is closing' story, the castles in teh
clouds, [rubber pig]'s going to work while [brother A] makes cartoons, oh no, sh'es
going to go to School while he makes cartoons, oh, no they're both
going to work now, bla bla.
Sineater: and i can put up with it better than i used to, but sorry,
there comes a point where i would have to pull one of them aside and
tell them how i felt
evile: And every new story was/is just as 'true' as the one they just
told, 1 day ago 10 minutes ago, whatever.
Sineater: [rubber pig] is not going to work a damn day if she can possibly
avoid it
evile: well, exactly.
Sineater: "oh my back"
evile: I just got really tired of hearing all these stories. We're
going to save Sunken Gardens, I'm having life-threatening surgery,
[brother A] is going back to school, I'm going back to school, we're going
to buy a house, bla bla
Sineater: then get permanent goddamn disability. my mom did. oh but
gee, they make you get examinations for that, and oh all those
doctors are biased, and the administration is just out to get us and
blah blah blah
evile: Chicken Little marries The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Your brain just
gets tired of trying to make sense of all these conflicting lies &
stories
Sineater: i would not give a shit and would be happy to say "have
fun" except a) there are kids involved, b) they do a lot of it at the
expense of the family and c) IT'S THREATENING [brother A]'S LIFE
evile: Oh, did [rubber pig] tell you, in addition to her mother's 14 suicide
attempts, apparently her father is not going to live through the end
of sumer. he's 'very ill' ([rubber pig]'s story)
Sineater: see she needs a third man, to make the money. one to take
care of the kids full time, one to take care of her full time, one to
schlep and toil
evile: she's just not cute or interesting enough to have that kind of
harem, sorry. I can't imagine her having much of a golden cooch after
pushing out 3 cuntdrops
Sineater: not end of summer, but he's only got a few more years at
most
Sineater: uh... yeh.
evile: Well, according to [rubber pig], hes going to die any day now. What BS
Sineater: ahh. which is why she treats him so repectfully and lovingly
evile: yeah.
Sineater: signing off for a bit. feel free to call if you need.
***HUG***
evile: *hugs* keep me posted :)

410icq w/A

Aug. 2, 2004

evile: Long time no chat. Catch me up! CRW? First meeting with [rubber pig]?
How is you?
SkyeDS: um, how is [brother A]?
evile: I don't know.
SkyeDS: sineater on phone, brb
SkyeDS: [dad] and [mom] will take sineater to SA with them on their way
thru.
SkyeDS: I will go with if invited, but I'm not going to count on that.
evile: They are flying in to Austin? wierd. But OK....
SkyeDS: driving
evile: ooh, yuck.
SkyeDS: so apparently something went down this weekend.
evile: I guess so.
SkyeDS: the polarization seems to be between [mom] and [aunt L], and of
course the attempt happened right after an argument with [dad].
evile: I don't know about 'right after'...it was Thursday, I think.
SkyeDS: I think they had another one.
SkyeDS: but I don't know for sure.
evile: but ...I can't do jack shit for [brother A] & don't want to do jack
shit for [rubber pig]. So I'd rather hear bout CRW and/or your first
imprssion of [rubber pig].
SkyeDS: the first impression thing probably didn't go well.
SkyeDS: the instructions were bad, we were half an hour late, I
thought that would be blamed on me, so I stressed out
SkyeDS: and between stressing out and biochemical insanity (pms), my
neck went out of whack, so on went the collar and the tears I
couldn't get control of.
evile: [aunt L] gave me bad direx to that Trudy's the first time too. I
kept telling her "across from spider house" in hopes she'd mention
that to y'all.
SkyeDS: although I think everybody thought the tears were over the
collar so I just let them think that.
evile: *nods* yeah. said you looked like you were in pain.
SkyeDS: and for some reason I thought it was going to be some
combination of you, [mom], [sister H], & [aunt L]
SkyeDS: I wasn't expecting [rubber pig] & Co.
evile: nope. I had to work half days all day.
SkyeDS: she was fairly quiet at the table
SkyeDS: no one upmanship storeis
evile: And [rubber pig] & [brother A] called & had DRAMA Thursday evening with me,
so it was not known for sure if they'd come or not.
SkyeDS: on the other hand, I thought it rather strange from the
outset that [k/mom] would ask me for a horse story, and after I gave
one, then [sister H] would ask for one
SkyeDS: so that the whole meal turned into one horse story after
another.
evile: [rubber pig]'s oldest is into horses bigtime.
SkyeDS: yes.
SkyeDS: but then it occurred to me, that maybe it was so [rubber pig] would
have no fodder for oneupmanship.
SkyeDS: since she can't one up what she can't do.
evile: I think they were trying to find some commonalities for you &
[rubber pig]'s bunch...but you may be right about the one-up thing.
SkyeDS: maybe it was (consciously or unconsciously) we'll let Skye
talk and that will keep [rubber pig] quiet (lol ... I think maybe).
evile: I think I heard that [rubber pig] just grabbed the person nearest her
and that was her 'audience' for the morning.
SkyeDS: sineater said her behavior at [aunt L]'s was obervedly different than
at the table.
evile: Last 2 times I've seen her, she hasn't said anything to me or
even made eye contact.
SkyeDS: I found it interesting that she wore a midriff baring choli,
dupatta and skirt to breakfast.
SkyeDS: her father is religious/clergy isn't he?
evile: because she's pregnant & did not want anything touching her
stomach. Yes, her father is a rabbi in teh same messianic jewish
temple she attends
SkyeDS: I'm afraid the blame for all this is going to land solely on
you, [aunt L] and [dad] for "too much honesty".
evile: [aunt L]? WTF??? [aunt L] has been nothing but kind to those sicko
fucking ingrates.
evile: and her diseased bastard offspring
SkyeDS: apparently [mom] doesn't see it that way.
evile: WEll, fuck mom.
SkyeDS: I'm sure K isn't thinking clearly at the moment, I don't know
that many people would be if it were their son in the ICU and all.
SkyeDS: and I am considered something of a monster for keeping a
clear, logical mind in crisis. = I'm cold.
evile: Well, it's always easier to be mad at other people than at the
person who has actually misbehaved and hurt you.
SkyeDS: of course very few people ever see the complete breakdown
after all's safe and sound, because I take my migraine and my sobbing
elsewhere.
evile: I got that shit from the V's when mike & X got locked up
and I wasn't immediately THERE to scoop up the kids. I got that shit
when Elaine tried to kill herself and I didn't rush to the ER. It was
not my shitty behavior that created the situation, but much easier
to be angry with me.
evile: I'm with you. I hate crying in front of people.
SkyeDS: easier to be mad at "the other woman" even though she wasn't
the one who violated a commitment.
SkyeDS: I get criticized for not acting like a chicken with its head
cut off during a crisis, that makes me cold and uncaring.
SkyeDS: and then when I allow myself to collapse AFTER everything's
ok, it confuses people, because, everything's ok, so what's my
problem.
evile: Well, I call bullshit on that, and I"m not going to be
anybody's fucking punching bag. This is [brother A]'s bad behavior/poor
choices
SkyeDS: this is going to bring professionals into the situation,
Idon't know if they realized or even thought about.
evile: ick.
SkyeDS: they're not going to just turn him loose when he's physically
better
SkyeDS: you know that right?
SkyeDS: not if they know it was a suicide attempt.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: he'll be required to go through like 7, 10, 14 days or
whatever of forced observation and counseling.
evile: [rubber pig]'s mom has apparently attempted suicide 14 times,
according to L. Maybe it's her.
SkyeDS: well, if the last argument with G was on Thursday, and the
last thing to happen before this attempt was the drive home, then she
had more immediate influence.
evile: *nods*
SkyeDS: I was not thinking when I called, for some reason it didn't
occur to me that you would still be with K, L & H, so o f course you
didn't need to talk to me, like duh.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: just reflex, on the way home from work sineater said she treated
you badly, so first thought was, call her and see if she needs to
vent, and I didn't think past that.
evile: I do appreciate your call. I wasn't really up to have any
phone conversatins with anyone. D got a 'vibe' and called me Thursday
evening. I haven't had the heart to call her back, either.
evile: I really don't know what to do or think...so I prefer to be
alone and not talk much to anyone.
SkyeDS: CRW was great, from my perspective at least, until of course
I did a hideously heinous thing (accidentally, but that doesn't
ameliorate squat).
evile: yuck.
SkyeDS: I think the story that comes back with [aunt L] is going to be
different than the story that comes back with [K/mom].
evile: Oh, I'm sure.
evile: Mom & I had a talk Thursday after [brother A]'s call that broke my
fucking heart...
SkyeDS: ???
evile: I don't think she likes me as a person. She loves me because
i'm her kid and she has to...but she doesn't approve of anything I do
or say. Upto/including Krav Maga.
SkyeDS: I know she doesn't understand the No Kidding thing. And I am
not happy with Xtal about that, because I'm sure Xtal aggravated
that.
SkyeDS: may I ask a question I know better than to ask?
evile: go ahead.
SkyeDS: does [K/mom] know that with the endometriosis you would have
had a hard time trying to have a child anyway?
evile: I am sure she does.
SkyeDS: and that NK is as much a support group for those who can't as
those who won't?
SkyeDS: I was pregnant once, I nearly miscarried 8 times in 8 weeks.
You don't want to go through that.
evile: I barely even hang out with NK anymore.
evile: She thinks it's wrong for me to know how to break someone's
bones.
evile: And be willing to do it if someone attacks me
SkyeDS: ok, so you respectfully agree to disagree. or is it not that
simple with her.
evile: She thinks my comments re: children are 'hateful'
and 'offensive'. She thinks I'm sad and angry and 'not myself'
evile: I think that's basically where I ended it. "I"m sorry you
think those things. I am who I am, and I'm sorry if you don't approve"
evile: Anyway...glad you had fun (mostly) at CRW. Sharjinka was pretty
ticked about this year's combat events.
SkyeDS: yep
SkyeDS: for good reason.
SkyeDS: of which my heinous hideousness was the least, surprisingly
enough
evile: I don't think I'd ever go on the field in HFS.
SkyeDS: I wish the rest of the CR would just decide to let Bhurtok
play by itself in its own little sandbox
SkyeDS: since they apparently don't know how to play nice with anyone
else in the communal sandbox
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: the raid on Jinx's LJ was completely uncalled for.
(although those things seem to be more trouble than not)
evile: *nods*
evile: nod and smile = my new philosophy of life.
SkyeDS: Kelly had an interesting take, which is that she would have
done what I did or worse so I should get over it.
evile: Or learn from it and do better next time, maybe?
SkyeDS: I will say this much
SkyeDS: maybe they'll think before they start in on Arthur or the
girls again
evile: maybe.
SkyeDS: oh look, it IS possible to push her too far, and it isn't a
good idea.
evile: apparently lots of folks thought it was part of the RP
SkyeDS: all for the better probably
evile: yup
SkyeDS: I think the whining about not having lights to ditch by was
BS because there WERE lights to ditch by
SkyeDS: enough lights to RIDE by
evile: ugh.
SkyeDS: and shade?
SkyeDS: there was plenty of that too
evile: yup
SkyeDS: not on the battlefield no
SkyeDS: but most battlefields aren't shaded
SkyeDS: BD's isn't
SkyeDS: SM's isn't
SkyeDS: Drandmir has a shaded battlefield and a not shaded
SkyeDS: so wtf fights in shade.
evile: they'd find something else to fuss about if it wasn't that.
SkyeDS: and I am really not happy about the "too much safety'" BS
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: someone had Heat Stroke
SkyeDS: the EMS had to be called
evile: I heard about that.
SkyeDS: and Gabe's attitude was "just because one person had heat
stroke...."
evile: Nice.
SkyeDS: if it had been Gabe or PtA that had the EMS called out they
would have hollared bloody murder
evile: exactly.
SkyeDS: and insisted that no games transpire the rest of teh entire
weekend
evile: heh. probably.
SkyeDS: I don't even know what to think anymore about Gabe & PtA.
evile: jerks!
SkyeDS: it was the biggest and the best CRW ever.
evile: I'm glad.
SkyeDS: biggest = fact, and best = opinion of course, but opinion of
most
evile: *nods*
SkyeDS: onion creek is clearer than a lot of chlorinated pools.
evile: nice. All the water is great this summer. Bull Creek, Krause
Springs. just gorgeous.
SkyeDS: I think Imina camp there when it cools off, just by ourselves
evile: that would be nice.
SkyeDS: last time dad & [brother A] talked was last night apparently
evile: *nods*
evile: Sweetie might be camping this weekend. I think I will bow out,
family drama notwithstanding.
evile: it's too damned hot outside.
SkyeDS: nods
SkyeDS: parents coming this weekend, bringing tractor with them.
evile: and the VW has no A/C. he got a window unit to plug in at camp
sites with hook-ups but that's no good while driving.
SkyeDS: asked for loan for $900 tractor or a used one, getting new
one $2200, gift.
evile: OMG, that is cool.
evile: My phone just flashed that I have 2 msg. No rings, and no
signal, but somehow I got messages. feck.
SkyeDS: :(
evile: At work I don't usually get much signal, if any at all.
evile: whatever it is, I'm sure I don't want to deal with it at work
anyway.
SkyeDS: maybe not.
evile: There just isn't a fuckin' thing I can do. So I don't want to
even know.
SkyeDS: if there's permanent damage to [brother A] sineater will kill her
evile: i know.
evile: I am so confused about the anger at [aunt L]. WTF.
SkyeDS: apparently ya'll have been too harsh in your honesty.
evile: *I* have. [DAD] has. [aunt L] has been nothing but gracious and
cordial. For fucks sake, she just bought that ravening hoarde
breakfast 3 days ago!
evile: She and [uncle B] have been there to pick up the pieces every single
goddamned time any of us kids have fucked up our lives and needed a
place to land.
evile: How fucking ungrateful of [brother A]/[rubber pig]/Mom
evile: And who was it who got the news and immediately drove to San
Antonio? [aunt L]....
SkyeDS: well, the game playing is about to come to a halt I suspect
SkyeDS: once a professional is called in
evile: Hope so.
evile: I have always thought that [brother A] would eventually kill
himself...wierd.
SkyeDS: it is traditionally held that scorpios meet violent ends
evile: interesting, i guess.
SkyeDS: wonder how long the unusual details of the "marriage" can be
hidden from whatever professional gets called in
evile: I don't necessarily think that a 3some is pathological, but a
lot of health professionals disagree.
SkyeDS: yes. sineater met many of them.
evile: it was/is certainly pathological to lie about it.
SkyeDS: yes.
SkyeDS: and it's different when there are children and another
pregnancy involved
SkyeDS: she didn't look 5 months to me, usually showing by then.
evile: especially when you're so forthcoming about the parentage &
previous wierdo relationships
evile: 5 weeks. due in March.
SkyeDS: oh
evile: A bit after [uncle D] and [wife U.] are due, actually.
SkyeDS: sineater said months. got his wires crossed, probably
evile: Interesting coincidence, I thought.
evile: so 5 weeks=1 missed period. woo.

2414 Re: icq w/A

Aug. 2, 2004

evile: You know ...when I first met her, I really did want to give
her a chance. Okay, so she talks too much and gives TMI...but maybe
she was nervous. Now...nope.
SkyeDS: at this point don't know w hat to say, do, or for that
matter, think
evile: She's beautiful and smart and interesting...she really could
be a decent person if she tried at all. But, no.
evile: me neither. which is why I'd rather go home after work than go
sit in the waiting room in San Antonio and watch everyone freak out
or zombie around. fuck that. it's not any good for anybody.
evile: Checked voice mail. One was Sweetie from a week ago, and one was
sineater. Not bad. Why it took a week for sweetie's message to
register...bizarre.
SkyeDS: sonar0m has same problem often
evile: technology is supposed to make our lives easier...
evile: J-Law is so wise. Her email: That's ridiculous. That is
completely ridiculous. You're right - [aunt L] has always been there and
done her best by all of you. I know I couldn't depend on my aunt
(much as I love her) for the kind of love and support she has given
to your entire family, the kids especially. She is one of the
kindest, most ethical and decent people I have ever met. I sure hope
your mom (much as I love her, too) gets over whatever her issue is.

If there's anyone she should be mad at, it's [brother A] for making a shitty
marriage, returning to same after being booted, refusing in his
typical stubborn fashion to discuss it with anyone, and then trying
to kill himself.
SkyeDS: have to wonder if it isn't bid for attention
evile: exactly.
evile: Just a big cry for help. he's in over his head and doesn't
know how to get out.
evile: [dad] needs to not beat himself up over this. if [uncle B], a trained
psychologist, did not see any symptoms to alarm him, how could any of
the rest of the family?
SkyeDS: I would dearly love to pick [uncle B]'s head over this
SkyeDS: I need to pick [uncle B]'s head over ADD/ADHD since so many of my
clients have/have had it
evile: trendy diagnosis du jour, imho.
SkyeDS: from what I understand the real thing is genetic, like
migraines
SkyeDS: so it can be controlled but not cured.
SkyeDS: I know what I do helps, but I don't know why.
evile: *nods*
SkyeDS: if I understood what I was doing, I could do it better than
I'm doing it now
evile: Omega at the Crossings has a healing/chakra workshop later
this month that I'm interested in.
evile: I'm pretty sure it's not necessarily the thing itself, but the
mental focus/discipline one develops that helps.
SkyeDS: I'm pretty sure what happens is a rewiring of the electrical
wires in the head
SkyeDS: like teaching stroke victims to talk again, walk again,
wahtever
evile: *nods*
SkyeDS: and there are no doubt uncountable ways of doing that
SkyeDS: Marshal, my 8 am Mon, is 12, and he's no bigger than Meghan,
who is 7 or 8.
SkyeDS: but this morning he got over all his stumbling blocks, and
was able to ride singlehanded while swinging at sineater with a sword.
evile: heh. cool.
SkyeDS: told him if he trots by himself next week, we will officially
promote him to "Intermediate"
SkyeDS: he trotted today with ground crew
evile: how awesome is that! very cool.
SkyeDS: mom is having problems finding a good school to put him in,
so I'm trying to make up for that too
SkyeDS: I would not want to be in [uncle B]'s shoes right about now.
evile: *nods*
evile: [uncle B] is a rock.
evile: He ought to send someone a bill after all this :P
SkyeDS: no shit.
evile: Mom told me I needed to 'see someone' about my 'problems'
SkyeDS: my mother tried to have me committed nearly my entire
childhood.
evile: ugh.
SkyeDS: smile nod (and ignore) will come in handy.
evile: yup.
evile: I just can't see that I'm so awful....
evile: Maybe that is a sign of denial and insanity on my part. Or
maybe it's mom.
SkyeDS: there is an exercise called Black Mirror White Mirror
SkyeDS: it has to do with turning negatives into positives
evile: sounds interesting.
SkyeDS: that is a VAST oversimplification and I'd have to go look up
where the entire process was published
SkyeDS: but I'm sure in t he meanwhile you could devise your own
methods.
evile: I'm 34 goddamned years old. I have the right to my opinions. I
have the right to live as I choose. If someone else doesn't like it,
they can fuck off.
SkyeDS: zactly
evile: As sad as it may be to feel that I'm not living up to her
expectations, I look around and see what I've accomplished, what I
have...and it's not so bad. I am a decent, honorable, honest human
being. I treat people fairly and give lots of second chances. But I'm
also not anybody's fucking doormat.
SkyeDS: I finally got it through to my mom that she has made me feel
inferior since I was 5 years old and that's shaped my life for 30
years now, and not for the better
SkyeDS: and of course, she never meant to.
evile: nope.
evile: "They fuck you up your mom and dad..."
SkyeDS: last time Gramma went off on me, I told her, firmly but
without losing it on her, look
SkyeDS: all these things you worry about, they don't happen
SkyeDS: I didn't just do what you were afraid I was going to
SkyeDS: I didn't even come close
evile: *nods*
SkyeDS: in the meanwhile I did a damn good job of executing this move
with surgical precision
SkyeDS: now if you can't say something nice, please leave me alone,
because you're hurting me. a lot.
evile: worry is guilt turned inside out.
SkyeDS: "fuck you" and "frankly my dear I don't give a damn" are very
liberating. even if they have to be watered down/rephrased for
whatever audience.
evile: *nods*
evile: I guess I didn't tell you my interesting revelation: I
realized that one of my many issues with [rubber pig] & [brother A] is the
emotional blackmail with kids that I went through with X and dont'
want to do again. So that's why I am not trying too hard with the
kids. I didn't realize it consciously until Mom & I talked on Thurs.
SkyeDS: entirely understandable though
SkyeDS: even though I knew better, I offered to take half a day off
to take the kids riding (which was of course refused0
evile: That was nice of you, anyway.
SkyeDS: I know why you don't want to get too attached and don't see
how anyone could possibly attach blame to that
SkyeDS: <complete doormat when it comes to children, I know it.
evile: [rubber pig]'s just so nuts...there is no way I could interact with
the children without having to deal with that. And I don't want to
see her or talk to her ever again, frankly.
SkyeDS: no point in having a plan of attack now
evile: nope.
SkyeDS: the shit will hit the fan when [mom] & [dad] get there, and
all battle plans would be off anyway
SkyeDS: they seldom outlast the first skirmish in general
evile: I'm following the Prime Directive now. Not Captain Kirk's
version, either.
evile: I didn't realize how badly x had damaged me. that makes me
mad/sad. I feel like a gnawed bone. I got nothing left for anyone
because of all the damage done...
SkyeDS: hate to tell you this but I suspect you already have a soft
spot in your heart for the kids anyway
evile: ...probably.
evile: [brother A] & [rubber pig]'s irresponsible air-castle building would not
peeve me so much if they did not have kids to support.
SkyeDS: I have no problems with a triad marriage (obviously)
SkyeDS: sineater doesn't like her using [his last] name, and I
understand that
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: sonar0m doesn't use [sineater's last] name, nor do I use sonar0m' name
SkyeDS: it's the kids that fuck all this up
SkyeDS: I'm not happy with my little brother either
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: I do happen to agree with Dr. Laura for the most part about
the right way to bring up kids
SkyeDS: and he won't go back to Georgia because "he isn't happy
there, has no friends there, has no support system there"
SkyeDS: ok, fine, but he has THREE KIDS there.
evile: ugh.
SkyeDS: so what this tells me is that he'd rather be in New Orleans
because he likes it better there, than be a parent.
SkyeDS: now why the hell couldn't he figure that out before he had
THREE
evile: too bad. once you have kids, they are your #1 priority, or
should be.
SkyeDS: well, I intimated this to my mother exactly once
SkyeDS: I"ll not say it again
evile: Prince Goldensprog who can do no wrong.
SkyeDS: I hope I get to meet them one day, but I don't count on it
evile: I suspect that if Nanny were alive, [brother A]'s Prince Goldensprog
status would be permanently revoked right about now.
evile: That or she'd be raising those 3 girls.
SkyeDS: both, I suspect.
evile: well, it's an either/or. If he wasn't the goldensprog,he'd be
crap and she'd want nothing to do with the little bastids.
SkyeDS: dammit
SkyeDS: why do people bring children into this kind of shit
evile: because to some people 'babies just happen'...
SkyeDS: I take some small comfort in that when you and I fuck up, we
only fuck up ourselves, not children
SkyeDS: and the day a fuckup of mine hurts my "children", I'm hanging
it up and calling it quits
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: Kim has three children
SkyeDS: one she only has partial custody of
SkyeDS: two she has no contact with at all
SkyeDS: and now she's getting married so she can squeeze out more
SkyeDS: I wish it were possible to shoot her, [rubber pig] and my little
brother in the face with bazooka.
evile: depo provera dart gun.
SkyeDS: rofl, good idea!
evile: well, not for the brother. but it might be interesting, anyway.
SkyeDS: thank god he got himself fixed
evile: smart boy. shutting the barn door after the .... have escaped,
but at least there will be no more.
evile: I love my friends. Rio just told me to find out which hospital
so she can go put her boot in [rubber pig]'s ass.
SkyeDS: woohoo :D
evile: Meanwhile I've been rehearsing my homicide trial.
evile: It's probably not any more right for me to blame [rubber pig] than it
is for anyone to blame [aunt L]. Just easier.
SkyeDS: I didn't do it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: has [brother A] ever done this before or threatened to seriously?
evile: Not that I know of.
SkyeDS: when he talked to sineater Friday he laid all the blame for his
miseries at [dad]'s feet.
SkyeDS: some of which sineater feels belongs there and some of which
doesn't.
evile: I am pretty sure [rubber pig] helped with that.
SkyeDS: problems with [dad] are undoubtedly pre existing
SkyeDS: they have never been bad enough to precipitate this,
apparently
SkyeDS: that leaves an obvious conclusion to draw
evile: Not even when they lived in the same house & almost got into
physical fights.
evile: They'd fight, and bluster and do the chest-puffing threat-
display Scorpio bullshit...and then everything would simmer down and
they'd talk and be OK.
evile: We do have a family history of suicide--mom's father killed
himself when she was 17.
SkyeDS: :(
evile: And god knows I've thought about it enough times...and so has
mom. But we never did it.
SkyeDS: the only new thing about the situation is [rubber pig].
evile: And [rubber pig] does not like [dad] because [dad] wanted to be
realistic about things and know the truth about what was going on,
and once asked [brother A] to ask her not to talk in the background while
they were on the phone.
evile: And [rubber pig] does not like me, I dont' really know why...she did
tell me that I remind her of her sister that she doesn't get along
with. But I can't think of a damn thing that would have made them
give me the silent treatment on Sunday and then again on Friday.
SkyeDS: drawing battlelines
SkyeDS: and doing a damn good job if she's got [mom] at [aunt L]'s throat
evile: And if she's creating a division between Mom & [dad]. Hasn't
been mentioned yet by anyone, but I can't imagine them holding the
same opinions on this situation.
SkyeDS: and everyone thought I was bad.
evile: :P
SkyeDS: it worked out fine in the end for all of us for sineater to spend
time with his family, and for me not to.
SkyeDS: this is just too much sturm and drang.
evile: *nods*
SkyeDS: if [brother A] didn't really want to die, I wonder if he knows he's
risking brain damage and/or organ damage. permanently.
evile: who knows what [brother A] was thinking...that's the one reason I'd
never do it unless I was dead serious & assured of the results.
evile: Only thing worse than being alive & miserable with full
mental/physical faculties is being alive and a vegetable. At least
now I work and pay my own way in life.
SkyeDS: I think, if I had to choose, (and I would rather be dead than
either), I would rather body work and mind not
SkyeDS: I can't imagine having an active mind and no mode of
expression
evile: *nods*
evile: We saw a movie Thursday that you might like: it's called De-
Lovely, about Cole Porter . Lots of piano & singing. Not my usual
thing, but I enjoyed it.
SkyeDS: :) saw Troy and Van Helsing over the weekend.
evile: what did you think?
SkyeDS: was surprised by Troy
SkyeDS: and VH was fun
evile: Yeah. VH was a hoot. Like a roller coaster ride with rubber
bats and stuff. People got upset about it being a 'bad movie' but it
was just a fun ride, ya know?
evile: what about Troy surprised you?
SkyeDS: I didn't expect it to be that good
SkyeDS: I don't put much stock in Brad Pitt
SkyeDS: but other than one detail it was very good
evile: He did a pretty good job, I thought.
SkyeDS: (Agamemnon did NOT die at Troy, he died in Mycenae when he
came back, which started the Oresteia)
SkyeDS: and I have to admit, he was nice to look at
SkyeDS: as much as I hate to admit that
evile: I had forgotten the oresteia..you are good !
SkyeDS: nothing I"m good at is of any practical use
evile: not true.
SkyeDS: I warned my mother that that one aspect was not true to
source, but told her otherwise I thought she would like it and please
do not acquire the DVD as it would make a good gift.
SkyeDS: they're coming this weekend and if it's still there I want to
take her
evile: *nods*
evile: nice outing, family time without any social pressure ;)
evile: I just got some great news--D is pregnant again :) After a
long time of not thinking she could. I'm happy for them :)
SkyeDS: why the hell do people do what they do
SkyeDS: I will never understand
SkyeDS: hope Phil will be happy to have a little sister/brother :D
evile: me neither. the world is shitty enough without people who are
supposed to love you kicking you in the teeth.
evile: D is waiting until it's a bit further along to tell Josephine.
She lost one a couple years ago and it was such a hurtful thing for
everyone.
SkyeDS: where did I get Philomena
SkyeDS: dammit I'm going senile in my old age
evile: heh. that's a good name, too. Maybe that's the baby's name :)
evile: D calls her 'Phine, maybe that's how you got it?
SkyeDS: probably so.
evile: real close :)
evile: It took me a while to get the names of all [rubber pig]'s figured
out. I m not good with names.
SkyeDS: I don't remember their names at all except they call the baby
Yummy
evile: Blis, Lyra, and Yummy
SkyeDS: the girls are pretty
evile: And they are well-behaved. Nice kids.
SkyeDS: still wish could shoot bad parents w bazookas
evile: Blis is starting to get a little drama-queeny as she
approaches puberty. But she seems to be OK.
SkyeDS: what kind of example has she got leading her
evile: [rubber pig] is really quite lovely. Too bad she's such a monster
inside.
evile: Apparently [rubber pig]'s mom is drama-freaky too. I only met her the
once and she did not impress me with her rudeness to [aunt L].
SkyeDS: lol [mom] said at breakfast she liked drama.
SkyeDS: I don't think this is what she meant.
evile: Mom said "I like drama"?
SkyeDS: I think she meant Drama, as in the subject she teaches
evile: aha.
SkyeDS: dont' think there will be much left of [rubber pig] when [dad] is
done.
SkyeDS: and I was a little taken aback that she is using the [family last]
name
evile: *sigh*
evile: Wrong approach. But might be fun to watch, anyway.
evile: Well, it's about time for me to pack up & move 'em out.
SkyeDS: hugs
SkyeDS: you'll have to tell me the magical internet story sometime
evile: *laff* yeah. it was pretty fucking ridiculous. Thanks for
being my rock today, honey. I appreciate you.
SkyeDS: nah
evile: Yeah, I do. Thanks for caring :)