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inspired by a friends FB post (s)
Jan. 19th, 2024 05:23 pmOne was a thing about how a recent event (freezerburn? I think?) didn't have enough volunteers and some members of the group apparently feeling it was appropriate to shame members for not volunteering as a way to encourage volunteerism next event. (Yeah, no.)
2nd was a meme about the way a person is treated when they arrive late for church (judgy looks, mean faces, glaring) as opposed to arriving late for an AA meeting. {first of all, they are both cults and I'd want nothing to do with either of them} But next, I thought about what it means to be treated that way when making an effort--the churchy people should reward the behavior they want to see repeated. If you want a person to attend and join your cult, you have to reward them for showing up, whenever and however it happens. Not with judgement, scolding, reprimand, shame, or sarcasm. Next, I thought about what it means to arrive somewhere late and have many eyes on you all at once. People may be looking at you because you're causing a disruption and being obtrusive, or maybe it's just because they heard the door open and you arrived during a quiet time. It's best not to 'read in' to people as they look at you. Casting shame upon yourself before or instead of being shamed by the group. Ick. 4 Agreements time: don't make assumptions. When or if the people scold you about being late rather than thank you for attending, THEN make that judgement and decide if they are the rude assholes, or if you were the one being the rude asshole. If you want to be there, BE THERE. If there is something you need from that place, take the peace and the holy words and the beautiful music (or whatever) and leave the rest. and when or if people are overtly rude to you, that is about THEM and their limitations as human beings, and has nothing to do with who you are or what your presence is worth.
If I had to alter one thing about myself, it would be this: I would arrive everywhere - late or early, over or underdressed, with or without an explicit invitation, to a room full of strangers or a room full of friends, to a palace or a dive bar, in the same way a cat walks into a room: Here I am, standing in my integrity, standing in the fullness and confidence of every paw and whisker exactly as it is.
I belong here because I have arrived here.
2nd was a meme about the way a person is treated when they arrive late for church (judgy looks, mean faces, glaring) as opposed to arriving late for an AA meeting. {first of all, they are both cults and I'd want nothing to do with either of them} But next, I thought about what it means to be treated that way when making an effort--the churchy people should reward the behavior they want to see repeated. If you want a person to attend and join your cult, you have to reward them for showing up, whenever and however it happens. Not with judgement, scolding, reprimand, shame, or sarcasm. Next, I thought about what it means to arrive somewhere late and have many eyes on you all at once. People may be looking at you because you're causing a disruption and being obtrusive, or maybe it's just because they heard the door open and you arrived during a quiet time. It's best not to 'read in' to people as they look at you. Casting shame upon yourself before or instead of being shamed by the group. Ick. 4 Agreements time: don't make assumptions. When or if the people scold you about being late rather than thank you for attending, THEN make that judgement and decide if they are the rude assholes, or if you were the one being the rude asshole. If you want to be there, BE THERE. If there is something you need from that place, take the peace and the holy words and the beautiful music (or whatever) and leave the rest. and when or if people are overtly rude to you, that is about THEM and their limitations as human beings, and has nothing to do with who you are or what your presence is worth.
If I had to alter one thing about myself, it would be this: I would arrive everywhere - late or early, over or underdressed, with or without an explicit invitation, to a room full of strangers or a room full of friends, to a palace or a dive bar, in the same way a cat walks into a room: Here I am, standing in my integrity, standing in the fullness and confidence of every paw and whisker exactly as it is.
I belong here because I have arrived here.
