Woke-ish

 I have come to realize that I may not feel I am personally racist, but being raised in a racist-dominated society, a nation that was built on the backs of enslaved people, I have internalized racism to a degree where I am not conscious of my biases but occasionally run into a situation where I realize that yes, I'm racist, despite my best efforts and despite my belief and attempts to be a good person. In the same way as being 'culturally christian' (Ie: my calendar in school and work has always observed christian holidays but not others etc.) It's not a personal belief I have chosen, it's not who I want to be, but unfortunately it's been such a part of my socialization growing up that I have to consciously work at behaving in un-racist ways. It's often uncomfortable, especially when I come across yet another land mine in my psyche, but it's necessary. I don't know if I'll ever be able to honestly say "I'm not racist," ....I don't WANT to be racist, I'm trying NOT to be racist. I want to be open to unlearning racist behavior and biases, and I want to be open to hearing criticism and I want to graciously accept being corrected when I get it wrong.