a quote about death from a TV show I don't watch.

 When I die... My body stops functioning. Shut down. All at once, or gradually. My breathing stops, my heart stops beating. Clinical death. And a bit later, like, five whole minutes later... My brain cells start dying. But in the meantime, in between... Maybe my brain releases a flood of DMT. It's the psychedelic drug released when we dream, so... I dream. I dream bigger than I have ever dreamed before, because it's all of it. Just the last dump of DMT all at once. And my neurons are firing and I'm seeing this firework display of memories and imagination. And I'm just... Tripping. I mean, really tripping balls because my mind's riffling through the memories. You know, long and short-term, and the dreams mix with the memories, and... It's a curtain call. The dream to end all dreams. One last great dreams as my mind empties the fuckin' missile silos and then... I stop. My brain activity ceases and there is nothing left of me. No pain. No memory, no awareness that I ever was, no... That I ever hurt someone. That I ever killed someone. Everything is as it was before me. And the electricity disperses from my brain till it's just dead tissue. Meat. Oblivion. And all of the other little things that make me up, they... The microbes and bacterium and billion other little things that live on my eyelashes and in my hair and in my mouth and on my skin and in my gut and everywhere else, they just keep on living. And eating. Uh... And I'm serving a purpose. I'm feeding life. And I'm broken apart, and all the littlest pieces of me are just recycled, and I'm billions of other places. And my atoms are in plants and bugs and animals, and I'm like the stars that are in the sky. There one moment and then just scattered across the goddamn cosmos.

- Erin Greene, Midnight Mass 

(I don't watch this show but I read an article that quoted this and it's quite lovely)

(no subject)

 "I hope death is like
being carried to your bedroom
when you were a child
& fell asleep on the couch
during a family party.
I hope you can hear the laughter
from the next room"

- lilies abounded

last night's dream

 last night's dream: I was a very old person at a nursing home. The home was a ship that was docked or anchored off the coast of Antarctica. Looking out the window, I could see in the distance a bunch of mining operations that were spilling greasy black smoke into the sky. I saw another ship nearby and it looked like it was made out of cobalt blue somewhat transparent plastic, the whole thing, from the hull to the observation deck and control areas, just clear blue plastic. I had a feeling that the earth at this time was mostly uninhabitable and the Antarctic was one of the few places people could still survive. I also had a feeling that I had done something during my lifetime that made me 'important enough' to be kept alive in this retirement facility, but I don't remember what it is or was. I could feel my body, weak and painful. Mostly just very weak. Standing, walking, lifting my arms....all felt so difficult. My arm was a thin white stick, mottled with freckles/age spots and translucent so I could see my blue veins and the outline of my bones under the skin. I was talking to two other old people, who happened to be Willie Nelson and Roy Orbison. So, at least that part was cool.