(no subject)

 Listening to some youtube videos about serotonin dopamine and norepinephrine....I don't know why some guy on youtube can say "if you don't have enough serotonin/dopamine/norepinephrine, here is how you will feel. If you have too much serotonin/dopamine/norepinephrine, here are some symptoms of that,"....and then, like, when I go to a doctor and say "I'm feeling X, Y, and Z," and those feelings (lack of motivation, no attention span, misery, doom, anxiety, bla bla bla--, ie: lack of neurotransmitter juice in my brainmeats) have been consistent for YEARS if not DECADES....why don't doctors think ' gee, maybe there's a problem with some of your neurotransmitters,' instead of "you're just fat, go home and stop being fat,"

I mean...either all these youtube people are vastly oversimplifying, lying, or selling snake oil, or maybe just maybe there's some science out in the world that suggests "people experiencing these emotions and having these types of problems, may be having some problems with their body's supply of neurotransmitters,"

...anyhoo, I'm going on a triple reuptake inhibitor and hopefully it'll help and not turn me into a zombie, tank my libido (anymore than the last few years of fear and terror already have), or make me gain even more weight. :/  hope is free. depression meds aren't! LOL

I have a vague recollection of being on effexor many years ago...but I honestly have no idea how long I was on it or exactly when that was...it messed up my memory and turned me into a zombie. Work was tolerable while taking the effexor, but all I did was go to work, come home, go through the motions of making supper, maybe I kept a cleaner house--I don't actually remember, then nap on couch while Sweetie(ex) watched TV then went to bed and he went out to the bar with his friends/side chicks/whatever.  But honestly it's a very very vague memory and I have no idea when I was taking those...sometime in my early to mid 30s maybe? It's a fog. I didn't like having no feelings and no energy so I quit cold turkey and my brain did this wierd  squeezy-floppy-fuzzy 'water weenie' feeling (I can't describe it any better than that) for a while and then I went back to my charming depressed cynical self....haven't tried anything since.


But I'm ready to not feel like shit and have some fucking motivation and maybe some goddamned serotonin and dopamine for fucksake, so here we go. whee.  I'll try to keep better notes than I did when I took effexor so that I can track progress or lack thereof.

Anyway, here we go.