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How old is the child? Children in the pre teen and teenage years can really be a struggle as the hormonal and physical changes of puberty can really do a number on their cognitive functions and make them behave emotionally like toddlers while having the intellect and mouth of an almost-adult. It’s a really hard time in their development and it can really strain the bonds of family affection. If the child is a teen or pre teen you may wish to have them (and you!) in therapy to help the family through some of that acting out and risk taking behavior.

If your daughter is an adult, as sad as it may be, you may need to go ahead and distance yourself. Grey rock or No Contact altogether. Just because someone is family does not mean that they are entitled to abuse you, nor does it obligate you to allow her in your home or in your life if she is toxic and unpleasant to be around. Identify the problem behavior, state your boundary, and then enforce it. “If you scream at me, I will leave,” “if you behave violently to me, I will call the police and press assault charges,” etc. State the boundary and then allow the person to receive consequences if the boundary is violated. Don’t deliver ultimatums and then neglect to follow up. Say what you mean, be very clear about what behavior is expected and what will not be tolerated and then walk your talk.

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