Valentine's day is coming!

 Have you posted your slobbering adorations lately? Have you made the appropriate sacrifices and tributes? 
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Public tribute (i.e., over the top declarations of love) is so third world Dear Leader dictator. On the other hand, there are several similarities between despots and tyrants and a #narcissist or #borderline girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband.

Instead of being machine-gunned to death in the streets of Whereverthefuckistan, you suffer death by a thousand cuts in your 3BR, 2BA homes behind closed doors. Here are 10 warning signs that you’re with a controlling, abusive, #BPD/ #NPD, much like a Dear Leader.

1. *Puts the “dic[k]” in dictator.* Is it their way or the highway? Do you have to capitulate or else? Remember being a dick isn't gendered. You don't have to have one to be one.

2. *If you oppose them or challenge them in anyway, you're in for it.* Do you have a hiding place for when things get really bad? The den? The basement? A panic room? Curling up in the fetal position under your desk?

3. *The revolution will NOT be televised.* Does she pre-empt or try to squash any attempt at self-care or independence you make? Does she undermine you at every turn? Deny reality, the facts and events? Does she threaten you, implicitly or explicitly, not to tell anyone what goes on between the two of you? #Abuse typically happens behind closed doors where others can't see.

4. *No contact with the outside world.* No friends allowed. No family allowed. No third parties with dissenting opinions are tolerated. She effectively cuts you off from friends and family who would come to your aid. In other words, #isolation.

5. *La, la, la, la. I can’t hear you.* Do your protests for basic kindness and fairness fall on deaf ears? Does she conveniently forget your conversations about the hurtful behavior? Or gaslight you about the times you’ve actually expressed your hurt feelings and twist it around on you?

6. *Historical Revisionist and #Gaslighter Extraordinaire.* Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, they relentlessly insist upon their distorted view, denying reality. It doesn’t matter if you have concrete evidence that says otherwise.

7. *Gets others to do their dirty work for them.* Every self-respecting tyrant has #henchmen/ henchwomen, #flyingmonkeys, sycophants and #enablers. If you assert objective reality or independence by, e.g., enforcing #boundaries, #divorce, etc., #narcissists and #borderlines enlist others to rally around them and coerce/destroy you.

8. *Brainwashes the young to create loyal followers.* In other words, #ParentalAlienation. [see also: inappropriate relationships with high school and college aged people]

9. *Speaking in absolute, all or nothing terms in which they're the #ProfessionalVictim and you're the villain.* It seems to be a combination of marketed to women "I'm a narcissistic abuse victim" jargon and "inspirational" memes. It’s all emotional #WordSalad based on their fear of losing control and exposure of their pathology. If you examine their “facts,” they fall apart. It's basically #denial, #projection, #gaslighting, #PathologicalLying, #DARVO (deny, attack and reverse victim and offender), and a potpourri of other primitive defense mechanisms.

10. *Trauma Bondage." Meaning you form a toxic attachment to the Dear Leader that creates a special kind of insanity. In that you allow yourself to be harmed (or willingly harm yourself) out of a deeply misguided sense of loyalty to Crazy. A #traumabond is what causes you to protect your abuser to your own detriment. And then you're shocked when they discard you and throw you under the bus when everyone else could see it coming from light years away.

10. *The Dear Leader is infallible.* Enough said. They're right. They're always right. Dear Leader awesomeness deniers (and those who don't adequately ass kiss) will be punished.

#shrink4men #valentinesday2022