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‘No Contact’ is not a punishment or revenge!
Put that out of your mind. If you are still stuck in a cycle of abuse, punishment, and reactivity with the narcissist you are NOT free of the narcissist. No Contact is your way to get free of the narcissist and be at peace.
If you are still in a place of wanting to harm the narcissist or try to punish them, then you are doing ‘the silent treatment’ which is a manipulation tactic used by narcissists and abusers to make their targets uneasy, to make them second-guess themselves, and to force them to crawl and grovel and apologize and bring gifts so that the abuser will once again grace them with their attentions.
The Silent Treatment does NOT work on narcissists. They will hardly notice you are gone, more than likely, because they are courting new sources of supply, new victims, new games. They don’t care enough about you to miss you. They may miss your money, gifts, attention, but they don’t care about YOU. They can get all of that stuff from someone else if you’re not there to give it to them.
No Contact is none of that. No Contact is a boundary, a protection, and a safe space that you give yourself to heal and get your head on straight after being mind-f***ed by a narcissist abuser for months or years. It is a wall of safety you put around yourself so that the narcissist can’t mess with your peace of mind, manipulate you with crocodile tears and fake apologies, or otherwise continue their cycle of abuse.
While the person receiving Silent Treatment or No Contact may feel the same feelings of loss, confusion, or abandonment, the intent of the cessation of relations is key[2] The Silent treatment is a mind game used to abuse and control someone. No Contact is self-care. No Contact is for the purpose of moving forward in life, without the narcissist’s abuse, control, or influence.
If you are still wanting to hurt the narc, you are not free, and you should work more on yourself until you are putting No Contact in place for yourself and your own peace, not imposing the Silent Treatment as an attempt to manipulate the narcissist.
And please allow me to reiterate: The Silent Treatment does NOT work on narcissists. Playing sick mind games with sick people is no way to try and live a happy life.
Footnotes
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