evile

How did you approach a narcissist about their unkind and unreasonable treatment towards you? What was the narcissists reaction to this?

Once you realize that the person you are encountering is a Narcissist, and/or an abuser, and/or any variety or ‘flavor’ of personality-disordered (Cluster B), the only safe response is not to engage with them any further.

As Pacal Votan noted[1] the responses will be almost textbook in their similarity:

Total obliviousness (pretending to have no idea what you’re talking about)
Total denial (the who, me?, not me approach)
Blame shifting and/or deflection (“it was your fault I did this”, or “what about what you did 10 years ago?”).
Anger (becoming agitated and frustrated that the accusations won’t stop)
Psychotic rage (exploding in fierce anger, red in the face and frothing at the mouth, and even throwing objects as a last attempt to divert attention from their own guilt.

As you may note, none of these responses are desirable in a partnership, friendship, business relationship, family relationship, or love relationship. Some of these responses (anger and rage, most notably, but also the blame shifting and denial) are abusive and potentially damaging to the person they are directed against.

Let me be one hundred percent crystal clear in my words: Confronting a Narcissist about their toxic behavior can be DANGEROUS to the person confronting them. You may be physically attacked, you may be shamed and blamed for their behavior. They may tell friends, family, or business associates lies about you in order to retaliate. They may file false reports with law enforcement or with your employer to try and punish you. They may slap, beat, hit, punch, or KILL you. This is not a joke, this is not an exaggeration, this is stone cold hard truth I am laying down for you.

Once you realize the person you are dealing with is a narcissist, protect yourself by disengaging from them. Remove yourself from their presence. Move out if you are living with them. Immediately begin searching for another job if a Narc is your boss. If you are forced to deal with them because they are a family member, keep your interactions brief and distantly pleasant. Do not engage with them on any kind of emotional level. Do not disclose any information about yourself, your whereabouts, your workplace, your relationship status, or your state of mind. Do not give them ANY information they can use to harm you with. Stay away from narcissists. They are dangerous.

Footnotes

[1]

Pacal Votan's answer to How did you approach a narcissist about their unkind and unreasonable treatment towards you? What was the narcissists reaction to this?

========================

Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.

They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.