Quora: What are the signs that you are breaking a trauma bond with a narcissist?

There are so many good answers here! For me it was very gradual.

I stopped reading and researching about personality disorders and stopped trying to diagnose & figure out why. I used to check out dozens of books from the library on these topics and share my findings on many online forums where I had my insights and information validated by others going through the same thing.

Eventually I found that I did not need so much validation. I accepted the way things are rather than wasting time on trying to help or change others, and I stopped the internal mind games of ‘what if’.

I let go of my need to be understood by the person and their enablers, and I let go of my need to be right.

I also somehow found a way to let go of the hurt and offense I felt whenever I heard that I was the one being talked about as the ‘narcissist.’ I did not want to be the bad guy or the villain in the story, but I did need to recognize my part in the situation, which I have now done. But I don’t need the Narc or their flying monkeys to recognize the truth.

I know my own truth and I don’t need anyone else to say ‘you were right and the narc was wrong’. I got out of ‘victim mode’ and stopped thinking so much about what had been done to me and what had been taken from me, and started living in the present.

Hours and days and eventually months passed without thinking of the person. I don’t get bored or tired of the peaceful quality of my life without the Narc and their flying monkeys in it. I appreciate the calm and I am no longer addicted to drama and excitement. I like myself and I only have people in my life who also like me. We have normal connections with occasional disagreements, but there is no longer a ‘life or death’ quality to my interactions with anyone currently in my life and there is a baseline of mutual respect upon which we build support, kindness, and understanding.

All of my current relationships are two-way streets, with giving and receiving of time, energy, and compassion. Once this sort of mutuality becomes a familiar and desirable feeling, you will know that you are in a place of health.

The first step is to understand that you are a good person who deserves good relationships. Read and research and participate in forums for as long as you need to, but understand this is just a stepping stone to life after the narc.

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Editing to add:  Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.  They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

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