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"cutoff culture"
May. 15th, 2014 06:56 pmhttp://captainawkward.com/2014/05/12/entitlement-much/
hm. I can see both sides to this. Having ex friends & estranged family members (and their friends/SO's, etc.) who have threatened my life, property, and livelihood, having once dated an older guy who became creepy after I decided dating was a bad idea and I didn't want further intimacies, I definitely get the 'no contact' thing.
Even if the person wasn't a creepy stalker spewing hate & threats, even if the person only wanted 'closure'...sorry, but at that point, if the person "cutting off" feels uncomfortable or threatened, it's not about what a nice person you are, or how 'not creepy' you are, or "I'd never actually do anything to harm the person I once cared about"...it's about how the cutter-offer feels. If they don't want you in their life, that's their boundary, too bad for the cutt-ee.
But on the other side of the coin, having been in a relationship in which misunderstandings and past baggage continued to create more misunderstandings which I desperately wanted to talk through & clear up, getting put in 'no contact' pretty much sucked, but it's always a person's right to say "don't speak to me anymore," even if it does hurt and suck.
No Contact definitely prevents further growth and any hope of understanding, peace, or future friendship between the two of you, but you have to weigh that against the harm that is being caused by continuing to interact, and a realistic appraisal of what outcome is most likely from continuing to interact.
more good thoughts here:
http://deirdre.net/exes-and-cutoff-culture/
hm. I can see both sides to this. Having ex friends & estranged family members (and their friends/SO's, etc.) who have threatened my life, property, and livelihood, having once dated an older guy who became creepy after I decided dating was a bad idea and I didn't want further intimacies, I definitely get the 'no contact' thing.
Even if the person wasn't a creepy stalker spewing hate & threats, even if the person only wanted 'closure'...sorry, but at that point, if the person "cutting off" feels uncomfortable or threatened, it's not about what a nice person you are, or how 'not creepy' you are, or "I'd never actually do anything to harm the person I once cared about"...it's about how the cutter-offer feels. If they don't want you in their life, that's their boundary, too bad for the cutt-ee.
But on the other side of the coin, having been in a relationship in which misunderstandings and past baggage continued to create more misunderstandings which I desperately wanted to talk through & clear up, getting put in 'no contact' pretty much sucked, but it's always a person's right to say "don't speak to me anymore," even if it does hurt and suck.
No Contact definitely prevents further growth and any hope of understanding, peace, or future friendship between the two of you, but you have to weigh that against the harm that is being caused by continuing to interact, and a realistic appraisal of what outcome is most likely from continuing to interact.
more good thoughts here:
http://deirdre.net/exes-and-cutoff-culture/
