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01-13-2014 at 06:33 PM (31 Views)
Felicia said:
Now, I have read already a year ago that in many cases the underlying cause can be found in the FOO, and I have given this a lot of thought, but even if I realize that being a FOO member my objectivity is biased, honestly I cannot see this in my family. Especially when I read other men’s stories and see how terribly their FOO and childhood were, I see nothing of that in my FOO. Not that we are perfect, of course not.
I also read an article where Dr. Tara refers to a traumatic first romantic relationship which would cause a man like my brother to try to make it good with subsequent relationships – I hope I paraphrase it correctly. Maybe that’s a more plausible explanation. His first girlfriend cheated on him and he broke up with her, without much ado however. So … I don’t know. I wonder if people like my brother are just more susceptible to suggestion and manipulation, like some people are more easily hypnotized and others aren’t. One thing I can relate to: my brother is a knight in shining armor.
What I wanted to say is that if you honestly can't find a CB in your own family tree, your brother may not actually be working out his own Family Of Origin stuff. It's my theory that he may have been brainwashed by his CB into working out HER FOO stuff. When my brothers have gone off on these hateful rants about how our family did all these terrible things and said all these terrible things to him....I don't remember ANY of those things. So my thought is that the CB had something happen in HER childhood, that she somehow convinces him it happened to HIM instead. I don't know why or how that would happen, but it's the only thing that makes any sense to me.
Considering that one of my brothers is convinced that he 'forced' his wife to have an abortion*....nothing really surprises me. These women keep the guy up all night, no rest, no food, no water, and scream and cry and repeat the same insanity for hours and hours....eventually something breaks and they adopt this new version of the truth. I've blogged in the past about the simliarities between my brother's abusive wife and a Cult Leader. They may not consciously use these cult mind-washing techniques, but obviously these methods work, so somehow or another the CB has added them to her arsenal of tricks.
Another thought I had--interesting that you use the term 'hypnotized'...apparently there have been studies about who is more susceptible to hypnosis, and it is generally the most intelligent, open minded, trusting types who are most easily hypnotized. So, honestly, it would not surprise me that the best people with the best qualities are unfortunately the most ripe for CBs to victimize. Those who are honest, open minded, kind hearted, willing to believe others... just don't have the hardness, cynicism, suspicious natures that make people better able to deflect predators. The only thing that keeps a CB from preying is if you don't have any use to them or you are bigger and scarier and smarter than they are. If they don't believe they can make you a tool or prey, they move on. *sigh*
*the abortion story: when my stepbro and his wife had first moved in together, she became pregnant. She has fibroid tumors and other female problems, so her body could not carry the fetus to term. She started bleeding non stop, her body was in miscarriage. She went to the doctor, and the doctor said "You are going to bleed to death" so at that point, I guess the doctor did a procedure to clean her up and keep her from bleeding to death....and somehow that has turned into she was forced by my brother to have an abortion. He probably did the usual thing he does when she's sick and won't go to the doctor, keeps telling her she needs to see a doctor, and eventually he takes her in, which translates into her making him responsible for her medical problems. Now, since he believes this story of 'forcing' her to have an 'abortion', she uses that story to guilt and manipulate him into basically anything she wants.
Felicia said:
Now, I have read already a year ago that in many cases the underlying cause can be found in the FOO, and I have given this a lot of thought, but even if I realize that being a FOO member my objectivity is biased, honestly I cannot see this in my family. Especially when I read other men’s stories and see how terribly their FOO and childhood were, I see nothing of that in my FOO. Not that we are perfect, of course not.
I also read an article where Dr. Tara refers to a traumatic first romantic relationship which would cause a man like my brother to try to make it good with subsequent relationships – I hope I paraphrase it correctly. Maybe that’s a more plausible explanation. His first girlfriend cheated on him and he broke up with her, without much ado however. So … I don’t know. I wonder if people like my brother are just more susceptible to suggestion and manipulation, like some people are more easily hypnotized and others aren’t. One thing I can relate to: my brother is a knight in shining armor.
What I wanted to say is that if you honestly can't find a CB in your own family tree, your brother may not actually be working out his own Family Of Origin stuff. It's my theory that he may have been brainwashed by his CB into working out HER FOO stuff. When my brothers have gone off on these hateful rants about how our family did all these terrible things and said all these terrible things to him....I don't remember ANY of those things. So my thought is that the CB had something happen in HER childhood, that she somehow convinces him it happened to HIM instead. I don't know why or how that would happen, but it's the only thing that makes any sense to me.
Considering that one of my brothers is convinced that he 'forced' his wife to have an abortion*....nothing really surprises me. These women keep the guy up all night, no rest, no food, no water, and scream and cry and repeat the same insanity for hours and hours....eventually something breaks and they adopt this new version of the truth. I've blogged in the past about the simliarities between my brother's abusive wife and a Cult Leader. They may not consciously use these cult mind-washing techniques, but obviously these methods work, so somehow or another the CB has added them to her arsenal of tricks.
Another thought I had--interesting that you use the term 'hypnotized'...apparently there have been studies about who is more susceptible to hypnosis, and it is generally the most intelligent, open minded, trusting types who are most easily hypnotized. So, honestly, it would not surprise me that the best people with the best qualities are unfortunately the most ripe for CBs to victimize. Those who are honest, open minded, kind hearted, willing to believe others... just don't have the hardness, cynicism, suspicious natures that make people better able to deflect predators. The only thing that keeps a CB from preying is if you don't have any use to them or you are bigger and scarier and smarter than they are. If they don't believe they can make you a tool or prey, they move on. *sigh*
*the abortion story: when my stepbro and his wife had first moved in together, she became pregnant. She has fibroid tumors and other female problems, so her body could not carry the fetus to term. She started bleeding non stop, her body was in miscarriage. She went to the doctor, and the doctor said "You are going to bleed to death" so at that point, I guess the doctor did a procedure to clean her up and keep her from bleeding to death....and somehow that has turned into she was forced by my brother to have an abortion. He probably did the usual thing he does when she's sick and won't go to the doctor, keeps telling her she needs to see a doctor, and eventually he takes her in, which translates into her making him responsible for her medical problems. Now, since he believes this story of 'forcing' her to have an 'abortion', she uses that story to guilt and manipulate him into basically anything she wants.
