Writer's Block: The long and winding road

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Regret is a funny thing. Some people can look into their past and say something like 'oh, why did I drop out of college?' or 'i never should have broken up with soandso'...and imho, that kind of regret is unhealthy and unproductive. You absolutely cannot change the past, you can't take back a stupid, unkind, thoughtless word or action. You cannot and should not torture yourself with 'woulda, coulda, and mighta been'...you have no idea how something may or may not have turned out if you had or had not made a certain choice, and you can definitely make yourself sick or crazy second guessing yourself.

I spoke with a young woman a week or so ago who refuses to revisit past actions and refuses to have regrets to the point of (imho) unhealthy denial, and refusing to learn or grow from past mistakes. Her past is all 'what those mean people did to me' and no personal accountability. Also pretty sick. Refusing to have regrets means you'll just keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

I think the happy medium to this would be in saying, 'ok, I can't go back to when I was 18 and un-drop out of college, but I can remember how I felt and what I did and know this regret and if a similar challenge comes up and I feel overwhelmed and want to quit, I can remember how bad quitting feels. I can try harder and stick with it and find resources and tutors and stay with the discomfort and fear of failure instead of chucking it all.'

Hindsight is always 20/20, you can always look back and say "THERE! That is the thing!" when it was completely unclear to you at the time. That's the nature of wisdom, learning from one's mistakes. But not endlessly blaming, beating up, and punishing yourself for doing or saying whatever it was. It may have sucked, it may have been stupid or thoughtless or selfish or even downright cruel, but you did it, and here are the consequences. Learn and grow. (And, as much as it fucking sucks, make NEW mistakes to regret. UGH!)

So...that's where I'm at with regret today. I'm sure there will be other days when I'm tearing myself up over something I can't go back in time and do better/different, but today is not that day.

Stress? What's that?

Osho Zen Tarot 44. Stress

Try Again

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Stress

All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to
feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek
and search for any destiny on my own. Things are happening, the world
is moving--call it God...he is doing things. They are happening of
their own accord. There is no need for me to make any struggle, any
effort; there is no need for me to fight for anything. I can relax and
be." The essential man is not a doer. The accidental man is a doer. The
accidental man is, of course, then in anxiety, tension, stress,
anguish, continuously sitting on a volcano. It can erupt any moment,
because he lives in a world of uncertainty and believes as if it is
certain. This creates tension in his be-ing: he knows deep down that
nothing is certain.

Osho A Sudden Clash of Thunder Chapter 3

Commentary:

How many people do you know who, just when they were completely
overloaded, with too many projects, too many "balls in the air", have
suddenly come down with the flu, or taken a fall and ended up on
crutches? That's just the sort of "bad timing" the little monkey with
the pin in his hand is about to impose on the "one-man-band" pictured
here! The quality of stress represented by this card visits all of us
at times, but perfectionists are particularly vulnerable to it. We
create it ourselves, with the idea that without us nothing will
happen--especially in the way we want it to! Well, what makes you think
you're so special? Do you think the sun won't rise in the morning
unless you personally set the alarm? Go for a walk, buy some flowers,
and fix yourself a spaghetti dinner--anything 'unimportant' will do.
Just put yourself out of that monkey's reach!