evile: back!
SkyeDS: short trip :)
evile: Not too awful. (assuming everything works still)
SkyeDS: if we have any more puter probs I think hugh will throw me
out the window with the machines
evile: heh. I know that feeling...
evile: I wish Sweetie had installed more memory on my machine while I was
out. I have 200+ photos to download & put online :)
SkyeDS: goodness
evile: Montana is large & beautiful. I took a LOT of photos.
SkyeDS: I remember thinking that when I saw that horse whisperer movie
evile: I read the book, never saw the movie. The nice thing is that
now driving to Big Bend or off to look for TX Vanners doesn't seem
all that outrageous.
evile: We spent 13 hours on Saturday getting from Browning to Lolo
Hot Springs (granted, we stopped to hike, shop, eat, etc.) without
stopping, mapquest said it was almost a 5 hour drive.
evile: btw, the reason I'd rather take riding classes from a stranger
rather than family is because I don't want to mix business & family
or get into any kind of payer/payee relationship or authority/obeyed
relationship which could strain the family peace.
evile: It's not a judgement on sineater or the horses, or anything like
that...I just don't want to go there and possibly have a bad lesson &
have it damage the family peace.
evile: I wish sineater had asked me rather than bother you, if it was
upsetting him...but that's sineater.
SkyeDS: I think it was just curiosity
SkyeDS: he didn't seem upset
evile: Okeydoke.
SkyeDS: I told him, no idea where the classes are, but might be
closer, and you have to depend on others for transport now
SkyeDS: made sense to me
evile: south Austin, looks like. yes, a good bit closer than Rockdale.
evile: I got into the Krav Maga class & not the riding one.
SkyeDS: you wanted that one more anyway no?
evile: yup. I hope...it may end up kicking my ass.
SkyeDS: good to feel burn
SkyeDS: wish could feel burn from working rather than frying pan to
back of head from sitting perfectly still
evile: well, yeah, but there's a world of difference between doing
something that is do-able but a big challenge, and getting into
something that just can't be done, no matter how much you try & want
to. (Dancing class, for example would be #2)
evile: I would like to be graceful and coordinated, able to move arms
and legs gracefully in some sort of rhythmic way, but it just can't
be done. No matter how I may practice & work it just isn't a thing my
body does. if Krav Maga turns out to be like that, I'll be super
sad...but I'll deal.
evile: And maybe even stick it out (like I did with my accounting
class...that was humiliating...)
SkyeDS: the baby is taking accounting this summer
evile: good luck to him. I just have such a huge mental block against
math.
SkyeDS: his parents are still making ultimatum noises
SkyeDS: we're ignoring them
evile: That's their problem, I guess.
SkyeDS: although I am so tempted to do awful bad horrible things
SkyeDS: like, if they ever grow enough spine to do what they say they
will
SkyeDS: showing up in full ritual garb, including live steel, with
ornate collar and chain in hand
evile: burn that bridge when you come to it, I'd say. No reason to
make pre emptive strikes and cause them to think they were right
about you...
SkyeDS: to tell t hem... I've come to collect what's mine.
SkyeDS: all wishful thinking you know.
evile: It's a good way to burn off stress, just come up with the most
outrageous scenario you can imagine & amuse yourself picturing their
reactions...
SkyeDS: sonar0m said he thought his dad would offer me physical
violence
SkyeDS: I said, well, if sineater's with me, your dad dies a horrible
death :)
evile: surely the man can't be that stupid...
SkyeDS: I questioned the baby pretty closely about the history of
ultimatum enforcement in the past, and if they enforce this one it
will be the first time
SkyeDS: so...even if we find out they are going to put teeth in it,
which I doubt
SkyeDS: they'll find their first time out playing with milk teeth
isn't enough to deal with the teeth sineater and I are well experienced
with using.
evile: It would be better to take the high road if at all possible...
SkyeDS: I'm not going to be put on defense
SkyeDS: I've played enough checkers, othello and pente to know, I
prefer offense
SkyeDS: and in this case, I'm going to ignore them until they bring
it to me.
evile: No reason you even have to play the game.
SkyeDS: they've never done anything they've threatened his whole life
long, no reason to expect them to now
evile: yup
SkyeDS: particularly not when they told the counselor "but our
greatest fears are that he'll move in with her and never speak to us
again"
SkyeDS: to which the counselor said, well if you make him move you
have no control over where he moves
SkyeDS: and sonar0m said, you can bank on me moving in with her and
never speaking to you again
evile: sonar0m is an adult, he has the right to choose his own path in
life, whether it makes his parents upset, or whatever.
SkyeDS: you know one problem the supreme court has dealing with t he
death penalty and retardeds is, there is no national standard for
retardation
SkyeDS: his mother, many years ago, was actually diagnosed retarded
(between her dyslexia and whatever else is wrong with her)
SkyeDS: he got an A in his puter class (his major), a C in logic
evile: wow
SkyeDS: but most importantly
SkyeDS: a B in sociology
SkyeDS: a liberal arts intensive writing class
SkyeDS: with NO help from me whatsoever.
evile: cool.
SkyeDS: and to that, all his parents said was, you got a C, and you
loafed around all semester
SkyeDS: used to be, before me, he got ALL c's
SkyeDS: played 12+ hours of puter games all day every day
SkyeDS: no pet on the back for the improved grades and efforts
involved to achieve them whatsofuckingever.
evile: See, when they are the game players, they get to change the
rules whenever they feel like it. No matter what you do, or sonar0m
does, he will lose if he plays with them...
SkyeDS: and in December when they said tutoring counts as a job, he's
been doing good business as a tutor and now it doesn't count anymore
SkyeDS: because they want him to work 10 hours a week at 7 dollars an
hour
SkyeDS: they think 7/h is minimum wage, despite being shown otherwise
evile: So the best way to deal with them is not to play their game.
If he wants to see them, it should be on his terms and not theirs. If
he can survive without their help, he should do so.
SkyeDS: I told him ya know what
SkyeDS: I'll bring home quickbooks from work
SkyeDS: dummy up a paystub from Bella Peregrina Ranch
SkyeDS: that reflects what you would get paid to do what you do
around here, ranch and housewise
SkyeDS: and I bet they're too stupid to figure out who BPR even is
SkyeDS: despite the fact that you come home from time spent with us,
stub in hand, lol
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: and if they ask where the money goes, tell them it goes to
your room, board, transportation and entertainment expenses.
SkyeDS: he's paid for his own SCA membership (three times as
expensive as HFS)
SkyeDS: and his own expenses for the last two events.
evile: wow.
SkyeDS: from his tutoring.
evile: That is very cool.
SkyeDS: and he's bringing food with him from his father's pantry to
refill our pantry
SkyeDS: I told him, well, if that's what you want to do, you're here
3.5 days a week, so if you brought 12 meal items with you, that would
cover 4 days x 3 meals day
SkyeDS: and he's using t he busses quite successfully.
evile: good deal.
SkyeDS: I'm proud of him
SkyeDS: and to this day, I don't know how parents like them produced
a good child like that.
evile: No telling.
evile: Hopefully finding out that he isn't dependent on them will
help him make a clear-headed decision about how much involvement he
wants to have with them...just because someone sets up a chess board
doesn't mean you have to sit down an dplay. You can always take your
jumprope and go outside.
SkyeDS: I don't think they have the nerve.
SkyeDS: so we're going to continue playing jumprope outside until
they prove they have the cajones to make us do otherwise
evile: Well, nobody can control what they do or say but them. All you
can do is decide how much of your behavior you want to alter in
response...
evile: And for sonar0m, I think maybe he should list what he
wants/needs from them and take a realistic assessment of whether or
not he will get those things and under what circumstances.
evile: It does not sound like he can get their love or approval,
because it does not sound like he has EVER had it, no matter how
obedient he was.
SkyeDS: and that's all he wants, unfortunately.
evile: If he needs $, maybe there's a compromise he can make without
feeling dishonored by it.
evile: But these people don't seem to care about him as a
person...and there isn't anything he can do to make them care.
SkyeDS: nope
evile: As soon as he gives them 1 of their demands, they won't give
him any affection or approval, they'll just come up with demand #2 on
the list. At the end of the hoops he's jumped, there isn't going to
be anything.
evile: But that's something that is easy to see from an objective
outside view, and not so easy when you love someone and really really
want them to care about you in return.
evile: Either way, it's sad because sonar0m gets hurt...by turning his
back on them or by trying yet again to please them with no result.
SkyeDS: that's why I told him, in light of their changing their
priorities
SkyeDS: forgetting to mention priorities
SkyeDS: changing stories
SkyeDS: and lifelong history of not making good on threats
SkyeDS: ignore them.
SkyeDS: but it doesn't stop the tears or the anger from the rejection
evile: yup
evile: They tell me I missed a good GWNN party on the 15th. Oh well.
I was seeing Vanners :P
evile: UGH. The scheduler came over and started rummaging through my
stuff on my desk. Headphones on so I didn't hear her.
evile: I took off my 'phones and looked at her once I realized she
was digging through my files, and she goes "These are not entered,
Right?"....Um, NO, and if you had bothered to ASK before you started
pilfering, you would not have wasted your time and annoyed me (and
been insufferably RUDE besides)
evile: It's always really....entertaining...to watch people make a
bad assumption, not bother to ask, and then fuck themselves up
accordingly.
SkyeDS: Hugh always walks in here when I'm on heating pad or lying in
floor
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: told him yesterday I;m worried that I will be spending less
time here during June while I"m teaching lessons, and we have major
discovery all month long :(
evile: ew...
SkyeDS: probate, fun.
SkyeDS: haven't done that in forever.
SkyeDS: poor kids, getting hounded by creditors
evile: Yucko. It happens, I guess. All part of growing up :(
SkyeDS: ya know
SkyeDS: i tisn't like he loafs around when he's with me either
SkyeDS: and I'm not easy to live with
SkyeDS: we don't spend all our time workin but a good part of it we
do, and it's hard work, the house and the ranch and the horses and
events together
evile: I've noticed that behavior can change depending on
the 'audience'.
SkyeDS: oh yeah. a nd people behave differently alone than with
others.
evile: I do things like make the bed and do dishes every day when I'm
visiting mom & G/stepdad...don't bother with that sort of nonsense at home.
SkyeDS: he has his list to do at home, and I gently remind him to
make sure they get done so there are no valid complaints.
SkyeDS: what I'm sure makes them angry is that while he does what he
has to at home, he voluntarily and happily does much more for us
SkyeDS: of course....we don't demand.... and nag....
evile: Sure. Because you give an expectation, it's done, and you're
thankful and gracoius. Rather than setting up an expectation,
watching him try and then changing the rules halfway through...
SkyeDS: I don't see where they get off bitching at him either
SkyeDS: I saw the condition of their house after he was gone for two
weeks in December
SkyeDS: worse than mine.
SkyeDS: you know what I mean.
SkyeDS: and that's after more than two weeks of them cleaning up
(not) after themselves, without him around at all
evile: *shrug*
evile: you keep talking you expect rational sanity from these people,
but everything you say about them demonstrates further that they are
NOT sane and NOT capable of rational thought.
SkyeDS: they'd make a lovely bonfire
SkyeDS: along with the banes of my existence living in shanty town
next door
evile: heh. nice thought
SkyeDS: I entertain myself greatly thinking such things
SkyeDS: sineater's so funny, he thinks I'd actually do them.
evile: That's because when sineater thinks like that, he's really
considering it..
evile: He's not given to hyperbole...if he says "I'm gonna kill
___"...he is going to
SkyeDS: and people think I'm kidding when I say, you know, sineater's
going to shoot you in the face w a bazooka and I'm NOT going to stop
him this time
evile: Yup. He can be scary.
SkyeDS: why I laughed when M mentioned parentals offering me bodily
harm
SkyeDS: only if they want to die long horrible painful bloody drawn
out deaths
evile: I'd hate to see sineater in jail over those two fuckwits.
evile: Totally not worth it
SkyeDS: I think it as likely that they'd attack me after one look at
him when he's mad as that Mirage would take up skydiving
evile: I'd hate to see you hurt...but if it came to that, why not
just file charges and let the cops deal with it...
SkyeDS: specially because she's the epitome of flower child and hates
authority (cops, military)
evile: aha
evile: granted, cops are often stupid and awful to deal with, but
with witnesses & some physical evidence, I don't see how things could
NOT go in your favor..if (heaven forbid) it came to physical violence.
SkyeDS: plus we'd be talkin Williamson County
SkyeDS: prefer not to get them involved
SkyeDS: but I doubt it will get that far
SkyeDS: they have no spine
evile: Hope not...
SkyeDS: things to be grateful for
SkyeDS: I'm me
SkyeDS: and not a bunch of people I would rather not be
evile: Yup. It's always a challenge to be authentically
yourself...but that's what you have to do.
evile: I may be stiff necked, judgemental, and self-righteous...but
dammit, I AM morally superior to a LOT of people....
SkyeDS: I do my best to live by what I profess to believe
SkyeDS: and I know that's Other than what others believe
evile: Let he without sin cast the first stone..well, I am NOT guilty
of most of the things I see & disapprove of.
evile: I live by a code of ethics that values right above all...and
if that gets me hated and loses me friends...well I've got to live
with myself first and only, so I have to uphold what I believe is
right or else hate myself...
evile: I'd rather be alone and hated by everyone else but still be
able to look myself in the eye and know I'm a decent human being...
evile: I still haven't learned (and probably never will) how to
say "I hate lying, I hate hypocrisy but I still love Liars and
Hypocrites"
evile: Maybe I'd be a better person if I could...but in many cases I
just can't love the sinner and hate the sin, ya know?
SkyeDS: nods
evile: Its one thing when a person hurts your feelings and apologizes
sincerely..but when a person makes a habit of lying and covering up
and making excuses for themselves....CHOP!
SkyeDS: I seem to be more judgmental about lying than most
SkyeDS: <shrug>
evile: Nobody's perfect. I try to keep that in mind...but if someone
is habitual and unapologetic in their wrongness, time to cut 'em
loose, ya know?
evile: I'm not perfect...but I am as unforgiving to myself (maybe
more) as I am to anybody else.
evile: I would never hold up a standard for others that I don't
expect of myself.
SkyeDS: hates hypocrisy too
evile: yup
evile: I used to be very unforgiving of honest mistakes. I am trying
to get better about that...
evile: I should have taken today off..I have not gotten anything
done. Oh well. Better being lazy here & getting paid, I guess.
SkyeDS: prolly
evile: The house is a wreck. Sweetie did dishes while I was gone but
that's about it.
evile: Oh well. Nice long 3 day weekend next weekend, no plans. I can
clean like a madwoman.
SkyeDS: <looks vaguely guilty herself>
evile: cause-effect.
evile: If he can't be bothered to take care of what we have, we are
not getting more stuff for him to neglect & me to clean/take care
of....
evile: Maybe I'm just too cranky to be coming back to RL after a nice
week of fun & no responsibilities & gorgeous scenery...
evile: OMG, after an endless eternity of being here, it's almost time
for me to go!!! :)
SkyeDS: tis that
evile: It Definitely helps to have someone to chat with :)
SkyeDS: <sighs longingly>
evile: *hugs* Hang in there, girly. You'll be done soon too!
SkyeDS: hugs, wind to your wings bella :)
evile: I know the next few days are busy/taken for both of us, but
maybe we can get together next wk sometime, lunch or something? I
didn't get y'all anything major in MT, just little silly stuff.
evile: Anyway, consult 'the boys' & let me know, whenever. No
pressure :) I know you're focused on work & family & rental garbage,
I don't want to give you any more stress.
evile: *hugs* Take care! See ya manyana!
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