1587 ARgh!

Aug. 29, 2003

Good Housekeeping, June 2003

from the "Ask Joy Behar" column:

Q: I think I'm becoming a horrible friend. Nearly every week, I
cancel on some pal I've meant to get together with, because by the
time I've put in a full day at work, come home and started dinner,
checked my son's homework, and taken care of everything else, I'm in
no mood to meet up and have a drink. A lot of my friends--especially
those who are single or who don't have kids--are complaining that
they never see me anymore. What should I do?

JB: You're not a horrible friend--a horrible friend is one who would
fail to understand your situation. True, it takes effort to maintain
a friendship, but you don't have to be the only one doing all the
hard work. Invite a girlfriend over to your house and ask her to help
you make dinner, go over homework with your son, read him a story
before bed, and lend a hand with all your other tasks. Then see if
she understands why you can't stay awake long enough to party. Your
weeknights now belong to others, but true pals will be OK with that
and start asking you out to brunch on Sundays.
=====================

Um...no, they won't start asking you to brunch, they'll write your
sorry entitlement breeder ass OFF. Maybe for good, or maybe just
until sproggy is old enough to take care of himself.

There are so many other possibilities for this scenario:

1. ask your friends to lunch or happy hour right after work

2. ask the sperm-donor to take on dinner & sprog duties one day a
week or one day a month.

3. ask your friends to brunch on the weekend

but...don't ask, or demand, or whine, that since your life is so hard
your 'real' friends should come over and clean, cook, and babysit.
They are YOUR friends, not your kids' friends. They want to see YOU
not your kid. They want to hear about YOUR life, not your kids'. Not
that they hate your kid(s) or anything, but that is not their main
interest in trying to maintainin ties with you.

And, really, quitcherbitchin, I have a job and responsibilities at
home, too. But would you catch me DEAD asking a friend to come over
and fix dinner or scoop litterboxes or clean my house for me? Hell
no. I've got some damn pride. and, bottom line, my friends are
important to me so I MAKE the time and I FIND the energy (or fake it)
to spend time with them.

*Actually, the 'come over and make dinner' suggestion isn't that
offensive. I've done that with people before, like one person brings
dessert or salad fixin's, or whatever, and everyone just spent a nice
evening eating & visiting. That's fine.

**And I *love* how Ms. Behar suggests that Mrs. Breedersons' friends
are the 'horrible' ones for having the GALL to keep inviting her out
when they should KNOW how busy and tired she is!