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evile'Interesting' time at Beer Brass & BS last night. Lots of people we normally see there were absent. We got stuck next to a couple in which the gentleman, A., was friendly enough (if socially awkward), dressed up steampunkily, and his lady, let's call her "C", was not dressed up, intensely focused on her smartphone, and sending off major hostility vibes. We attempted conversation, and turns out Tuesdays are usually bad for them to attend Steampunk events because it's normally her SCA fighter practice night. At one point, she began to verbally eviscerate her husband--choosing to either misinterpret something he said, or just starting some shit from nothing...it was very uncomfortable and unhappy making. I totally got an irrational 'SIL' vibe off her, even before her abusive outburst. Thax and I basically averted our eyes from this unseemly public behavior and retreated to a conversation between the two of us about our upcoming vacation.
Later on, our friend Flavio came over and we were chatting. He mentioned HFS while talking with me and Thax, which made the guy of the couple perk up a bit. He said he and his wife know an HFS group and are 'good friends' with Skye. Whatta surprise. Birds of a feather, so to speak. Thax said something noncommittal, like "I know who that is," and Flavio said he'd heard of her but never met her and I said "I say nothing,". The wife made startled eye contact with me but I didn't say anything else.
The conversation petered out again, and eventually I looked up and they'd gone.
So, I've seen this before. My SIL used to do this all the time to my stepbrother, back in the day when my (now ex) Sweetie & I used to try & invite the two of them out to things, only with Sineater and Skye, he'd usually be embarassed and upset enough that he'd go ahead and leave.
Her verbal attack was all about the fact that she didn't want to be there, so she tried to make a big enough stink that he'd feel humiliated and leave. He wasn't quite able to completely shake her vibe off and have a good visit or get up from the table where he sat while she was texting away and go meet people, but good on him for not falling for that despicable and abusive manipulation tactic. Allowing her to shame him in public and cut him off from people is exactly what she wanted. She accomplished some but not all of her goal. I hope he'll come back but I don't hold much hope of it, he didn't get much encouragement or reinforcement for being there. Sam Tyler, the owner of the Mysterium, came over and chatted us up a bit, talked about the Darwin Prophet benefit party/sale/thingy on the 29th, talked about humorous things for a little while, and then moved along. It was very graciously done of her, and even the wife of the couple seemed charmed by Sam's chit-chat.
Anyhoo...It speaks to the gentleman's strength of character that he didn't allow his wife's temper tantrum to chase him off, but my avoidant response was terribly weak and shameful. I wish I knew something good to say or do in situations where I've witnessed an episode of verbal/emotional abuse to let the victim know that I'm not embarassed in any way by the victim, but I recognize the abuser's behavior for what it is. Some way to reach out to the victim and say "The way you are being treated is NOT OK, and you didn't do anything to deserve that,"...seems simple enough, why can't I think to say that in the situation when it's happening?
:(
Later on, our friend Flavio came over and we were chatting. He mentioned HFS while talking with me and Thax, which made the guy of the couple perk up a bit. He said he and his wife know an HFS group and are 'good friends' with Skye. Whatta surprise. Birds of a feather, so to speak. Thax said something noncommittal, like "I know who that is," and Flavio said he'd heard of her but never met her and I said "I say nothing,". The wife made startled eye contact with me but I didn't say anything else.
The conversation petered out again, and eventually I looked up and they'd gone.
So, I've seen this before. My SIL used to do this all the time to my stepbrother, back in the day when my (now ex) Sweetie & I used to try & invite the two of them out to things, only with Sineater and Skye, he'd usually be embarassed and upset enough that he'd go ahead and leave.
Her verbal attack was all about the fact that she didn't want to be there, so she tried to make a big enough stink that he'd feel humiliated and leave. He wasn't quite able to completely shake her vibe off and have a good visit or get up from the table where he sat while she was texting away and go meet people, but good on him for not falling for that despicable and abusive manipulation tactic. Allowing her to shame him in public and cut him off from people is exactly what she wanted. She accomplished some but not all of her goal. I hope he'll come back but I don't hold much hope of it, he didn't get much encouragement or reinforcement for being there. Sam Tyler, the owner of the Mysterium, came over and chatted us up a bit, talked about the Darwin Prophet benefit party/sale/thingy on the 29th, talked about humorous things for a little while, and then moved along. It was very graciously done of her, and even the wife of the couple seemed charmed by Sam's chit-chat.
Anyhoo...It speaks to the gentleman's strength of character that he didn't allow his wife's temper tantrum to chase him off, but my avoidant response was terribly weak and shameful. I wish I knew something good to say or do in situations where I've witnessed an episode of verbal/emotional abuse to let the victim know that I'm not embarassed in any way by the victim, but I recognize the abuser's behavior for what it is. Some way to reach out to the victim and say "The way you are being treated is NOT OK, and you didn't do anything to deserve that,"...seems simple enough, why can't I think to say that in the situation when it's happening?
:(
