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evile1) I'm glad I went to Tulane. Academically, I did very poorly, but I met good friends, had a great time, and discovered an amazing city that is 'home' to me in so many ways I can't even describe in words. Warm purple velvet nights. Mint juleps. Old buildings whispering their stories. Heart and soul home.
2) I'm glad I worked in Pennsylvania after I graduated from DePauw. It's a part of the country I never would have seen otherwise, having no family or interests there. I met some wonderful friends, some of who've stayed with me over the years, and if I hadn't gone there, I never would have tasted the french onion soup at the Monk's Tunic or gone skinny dipping with a beautiful green-eyed goth boy or road-tripped to Atlantic City or gone aboard a hundred year old sailing vessel. I made a lot of green and gold memories there in a very short time. Shoulda left my Sweetie where I found 'im instead of trying to carry that summer magic with me and make a whole life out of it...he was a wonderful summer fling. He was a lousy live in lover. Ah well.
3) I am glad I took Krav Maga. I've spent most of my life out of shape. Even before I hit puberty and got fat, I was slower, weaker, and more uncoordinated than my peers. I got bullied and mistreated by coaches who would single me out for shaming in front of the whole class, saying things like "We are ALL going to have to run an extra lap because [bramblekite] is too slow!" or "We are ALL going to have to do 10 more situps because [bramblekite] can't keep up!" and the class would end up hating ME because the coach made them do extra work and blamed me for it, when I had nothing to do with the coaches' decision to be cruel and arbitrary. (I've been sensitive to that style of authority ever since, and it's amazing how often such irrational people-controlling methods are used, and how people just eat it up and readily hate whoever the person in authority blames for the problems that the authority is inflicting.) ANYHOO! I was picked last for any team in gym class, I was a weak four eyed freak. Krav taught me that I'm capable of being strong and fit and I can learn to be coordinated. Hurting my knee in Krav made me realize I generally take my health and my abilities for granted, that in general, this is a strong, good, healthy body that can walk and run and swim and jump and climb and hike and KICK ASS, and I should appreciate it more and take better care of it.
4) I am glad I met Thax. We were friendly acquaintances for years, met and got to know each other through HFS and craft nights at Val and Goof's. Then both our relationships with other people went south at approximately the same time and we helped each other out and finally realized it was more than just that. I'm glad to be with someone who is committed to being good TO and FOR me, and I am committed to the same for him. We have plans for growing old together, and I'm finally not so afraid to be old or sick because I'm not alone anymore. I have a partner. It's really great to love and be loved in this way. I am so grateful and I hope I never take it for granted.
5) I'm glad I took a stained glass class. I enjoyed every cut and burn I got while making beautiful things. It has made me appreciate glass art so much more, knowing how it's done. In a perfect world with unlimited time and resources, I'd love to know more of how to make things and build things, both useful and beautiful. It's something I wish I'd been able to do for a living, but that didn't happen. Still, it's a neat hobby and I'm looking forward to getting the garage a bit more organized so I can have a clear workspace to do more & larger projects.
6) I'm glad to have mended fences with some family members. It's good to be back in touch with them, even if the circumstances that brought us back to speaking terms are sad. The scary flip side of loving someone is the fact that your heart is open to them, for good or ill. Love feels great, but having someone you love be angry or disappointed with you is just crushing. Their opinions count for so much and hurt a lot when they disagree or disapprove of you. That cuts both ways. Learning to forgive and be gentle while still being honest & communicative is tough but worthwhile. We don't have a hundred years to fuck around with the silent treatment and nurse grudges. People who are important to you should be told. People you love should be told.
2) I'm glad I worked in Pennsylvania after I graduated from DePauw. It's a part of the country I never would have seen otherwise, having no family or interests there. I met some wonderful friends, some of who've stayed with me over the years, and if I hadn't gone there, I never would have tasted the french onion soup at the Monk's Tunic or gone skinny dipping with a beautiful green-eyed goth boy or road-tripped to Atlantic City or gone aboard a hundred year old sailing vessel. I made a lot of green and gold memories there in a very short time. Shoulda left my Sweetie where I found 'im instead of trying to carry that summer magic with me and make a whole life out of it...he was a wonderful summer fling. He was a lousy live in lover. Ah well.
3) I am glad I took Krav Maga. I've spent most of my life out of shape. Even before I hit puberty and got fat, I was slower, weaker, and more uncoordinated than my peers. I got bullied and mistreated by coaches who would single me out for shaming in front of the whole class, saying things like "We are ALL going to have to run an extra lap because [bramblekite] is too slow!" or "We are ALL going to have to do 10 more situps because [bramblekite] can't keep up!" and the class would end up hating ME because the coach made them do extra work and blamed me for it, when I had nothing to do with the coaches' decision to be cruel and arbitrary. (I've been sensitive to that style of authority ever since, and it's amazing how often such irrational people-controlling methods are used, and how people just eat it up and readily hate whoever the person in authority blames for the problems that the authority is inflicting.) ANYHOO! I was picked last for any team in gym class, I was a weak four eyed freak. Krav taught me that I'm capable of being strong and fit and I can learn to be coordinated. Hurting my knee in Krav made me realize I generally take my health and my abilities for granted, that in general, this is a strong, good, healthy body that can walk and run and swim and jump and climb and hike and KICK ASS, and I should appreciate it more and take better care of it.
4) I am glad I met Thax. We were friendly acquaintances for years, met and got to know each other through HFS and craft nights at Val and Goof's. Then both our relationships with other people went south at approximately the same time and we helped each other out and finally realized it was more than just that. I'm glad to be with someone who is committed to being good TO and FOR me, and I am committed to the same for him. We have plans for growing old together, and I'm finally not so afraid to be old or sick because I'm not alone anymore. I have a partner. It's really great to love and be loved in this way. I am so grateful and I hope I never take it for granted.
5) I'm glad I took a stained glass class. I enjoyed every cut and burn I got while making beautiful things. It has made me appreciate glass art so much more, knowing how it's done. In a perfect world with unlimited time and resources, I'd love to know more of how to make things and build things, both useful and beautiful. It's something I wish I'd been able to do for a living, but that didn't happen. Still, it's a neat hobby and I'm looking forward to getting the garage a bit more organized so I can have a clear workspace to do more & larger projects.
6) I'm glad to have mended fences with some family members. It's good to be back in touch with them, even if the circumstances that brought us back to speaking terms are sad. The scary flip side of loving someone is the fact that your heart is open to them, for good or ill. Love feels great, but having someone you love be angry or disappointed with you is just crushing. Their opinions count for so much and hurt a lot when they disagree or disapprove of you. That cuts both ways. Learning to forgive and be gentle while still being honest & communicative is tough but worthwhile. We don't have a hundred years to fuck around with the silent treatment and nurse grudges. People who are important to you should be told. People you love should be told.
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no subject
Date: 2011-07-08 04:53 am (UTC)*hugs*
Date: 2011-07-12 10:42 pm (UTC)gold plated kudos with honey on top.
(but not nearly as sweet i imagine as finding the peace (even in the new turmoil) that you have)