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evileI'm setting a new boundary for myself. The next time somebody comes to me saying that some person is upset by something I've done, I intend to thank them for trying to help the other person, but I will request that they direct the offended party to come speak directly to me.
Likewise, I would like to request that if anyone hears someone complaining about me, it would reduce drama, gossip, and bad feelings to direct that person to complain TO me rather than ABOUT me.
I understand that it is hard to walk up to somebody and say, "You did this thing, and I don't like it." The people that do that have my respect for stepping up. I also understand the hesitation to say something to somebody that did something that upset me.
I've heard that I'm "intimidating" and other such things, and I understand and sympathize with people who find me unapproachable. I reserve the right to whatever feelings of pain and anger I may feel. I would like to commit to not taking my feelings out on the person speaking to me. I acknowledge that I may fail and fail badly. But please, if you want resolution and not drama, give me that chance.
If you need the separation of IM or email that is fine. If you need the support of somebody else in the room or a mediator that is fine. The next time this sort of thing comes up, I will tell the intermediary thanks for trying, here is my contact info, and please have the offended parties contact me directly.
Let me finish up by respectfully suggesting that problems get solved with direct communication far more easily than they get solved by gossip and badmouthing people behind their backs. If you want me & our relationship to change and grow and improve, then help me do that by being direct. If you just want to gossip for your own entertainment and drama-making purposes, please find another target.
[screening comments, anonymous allowed]
Likewise, I would like to request that if anyone hears someone complaining about me, it would reduce drama, gossip, and bad feelings to direct that person to complain TO me rather than ABOUT me.
I understand that it is hard to walk up to somebody and say, "You did this thing, and I don't like it." The people that do that have my respect for stepping up. I also understand the hesitation to say something to somebody that did something that upset me.
I've heard that I'm "intimidating" and other such things, and I understand and sympathize with people who find me unapproachable. I reserve the right to whatever feelings of pain and anger I may feel. I would like to commit to not taking my feelings out on the person speaking to me. I acknowledge that I may fail and fail badly. But please, if you want resolution and not drama, give me that chance.
If you need the separation of IM or email that is fine. If you need the support of somebody else in the room or a mediator that is fine. The next time this sort of thing comes up, I will tell the intermediary thanks for trying, here is my contact info, and please have the offended parties contact me directly.
Let me finish up by respectfully suggesting that problems get solved with direct communication far more easily than they get solved by gossip and badmouthing people behind their backs. If you want me & our relationship to change and grow and improve, then help me do that by being direct. If you just want to gossip for your own entertainment and drama-making purposes, please find another target.
[screening comments, anonymous allowed]
