The trappings (TRAPS!) of Ego.

[evile]

[sanitized for public consumption]

I'm not building a Federal Case here, I don't need proof and evidence and examples. I don't need to rehash and dissect everything that everyone said or did, nor assign blame, responsibility, or fault. Nor do I need to heap all blame, responsibility, and fault on myself.

I don't need reasons and proof to back up or justify my feelings. I don't need to prove that I have a right to my feelings. They are my feelings, not a presentation to a judge and jury. (what the hell, the internal judge and jury find me guilty anyway, so no point in trying to sway them.)

Here I stand, guilty as charged...but owning my feelings and no longer denying or making excuses and apologies for them.

I don't like myself when I get into 'lawyer mode'...I don't need to win or be right or provide proof of anything in order to justify how I feel or what I want. Nobody else has to be bad so I can be good. We can all be good, even if we are wrong, even if we disagree.

So...I'm stopping now. Or trying to. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to treat people this way.

Comments

BUT

[arthurthedented.livejournal.com]

Your feelings *are* your feelings.. whatever they are, but the examination of the causes is a GOOD thing.

I know sometimes I have feelings that are over-reactions, or that are contrary to what I think they should be ... or are from a misunderstanding of what actually transpired ... and then the feelings are the feelings STILL but the HEAD gets to decide what to do about them. (IE try to work through them quietly , or try to get others to change behavior that is hurtful in ways that its reasonable for me to expect them to)

*Hugs* as always on the thorny issue of wrestling heart, mind and soul into the same directions/consistent actions and words.. for the journey of life.. it takes a lot of introspection (but not self-bashing)

Re: BUT

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

yup. But the time to stop being a self righteous asshole is the split seconds between how you feel and what you do or say about it...

I'm trying to be ok with unshiny feelings and along with that trying to find the space for how to express those feelings that is in a socially acceptable, respectful yet truthful, assertive not agressive space between 'doormat' and 'exploding bag of cunts'...

Re: BUT

[arthurthedented.livejournal.com]

yah.. that middle ground is tricky and a lot of folks never manage to find it..staying with one extreme or the other or just randomly zig zagging between.

My experience of you is neither of those btw. so even if its a struggle you (at least in my presence) have always managed it. Which is , I suspect how that mostly goes for all of us.

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

I don't need to prove that I have a right to my feelings.

I look at my feelings as one of the ways various parts of me communicate with each other. If there's a negative feeling, it's there, it's not bad per se, it's an indication that something has hurt me, or, based on previous experiences, something has great potential to hurt me. It's useful information.

Emotions are tools. Telling someone they shouldn't have a particular emotion is like telling them they don't need a saw because they already have a hammer.