Chapter 2: Denial
Nov. 24th, 2009 09:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evilefrom Rebuilding:
When It's Over...It's over.
Recognizing the end of an unhappy and unproductive relationship may help you look at your divorce as a decision reflecting good mental health. Take a look at your former relationship, your former partner, and yourself. Set aside a moment all of society's reasons why you were "meant for each other." This is the time for painful honesty. Ask yourself:
Were you and your partner friends?
Did you confide in one another?
What interests did you share? Hobbies? Attitudes toward life? Politics? Religion? Children?
Were your goals for yourself, for each other, for the relationship, similar/compatible?
Did you agree on methods for solving problems between you (not necessarily the solutions, the methods)?
When you got angry with each other, did you do it directly, or hide it, or try to hurt each other?
Did you share friendships?
Did you go out together socially?
Did you share responsibilities for earning money and household chores in a mutually-agreed-upon way?
Did you make at least major decisions jointly?
Did you allow each other time alone?
Did you trust each other?
Was the relationship important enough for each of you to make some personal sacrifices for it when necessary?
======
Honestly, IMHO, this checklist is a good one for not only putting past relationships in perspective, but also a good roadmap to where you ought to be in a current relationship, if you want it to be a good & healthy one.
When It's Over...It's over.
Recognizing the end of an unhappy and unproductive relationship may help you look at your divorce as a decision reflecting good mental health. Take a look at your former relationship, your former partner, and yourself. Set aside a moment all of society's reasons why you were "meant for each other." This is the time for painful honesty. Ask yourself:
Were you and your partner friends?
Did you confide in one another?
What interests did you share? Hobbies? Attitudes toward life? Politics? Religion? Children?
Were your goals for yourself, for each other, for the relationship, similar/compatible?
Did you agree on methods for solving problems between you (not necessarily the solutions, the methods)?
When you got angry with each other, did you do it directly, or hide it, or try to hurt each other?
Did you share friendships?
Did you go out together socially?
Did you share responsibilities for earning money and household chores in a mutually-agreed-upon way?
Did you make at least major decisions jointly?
Did you allow each other time alone?
Did you trust each other?
Was the relationship important enough for each of you to make some personal sacrifices for it when necessary?
======
Honestly, IMHO, this checklist is a good one for not only putting past relationships in perspective, but also a good roadmap to where you ought to be in a current relationship, if you want it to be a good & healthy one.
