Why, yes, I do look like the shithead here, don't I?

[evile]

I blew up, I freaked out, I got mad, I'm the bad guy. It's all on me. Aren't I the unreasonable bitch? Aren't they just the innocent wounded parties having to deal with the sicko crazy woman. Poor poor little victims. Soooo mistweated and misunderstood. So sad.

What I find most interesting about interacting with emotional manipulators is how they can push past your bounaries til you blow up, then step back and play the oh so reasonable and noble hurt party. This is a game I do not play well. Especially not when I'm recovering from fricken emergency eye surgery.

Comments

[emmainfiniti.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I really like this:
"A more correct response would be "I apologize for violating your boundaries. I am sorry for hurting you. You must be feeling very hurt and very uninterested in trusting me any more, and I understand that. How can I fix this? Or is this not fix-able? If it is fixable, what can I do in the future? What would you like me to do now to help you feel better?""

I wonder if anyone has heard this before in real life?

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

well, 'someone'is the Therapy Princess, so it seems to me that somewhere in her journey, some therapist or another should have taught her better ways to respond to people expressing hurt felings/anger. But who knows?

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

Having the right kind of therapist makes a huge difference.

Maybe she doesn't have the right kind of therapist. And, if that's the case, there's nothing that any of us can do about it, except possibly hope that one day, she will.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

yup.

But I don't owe her anything, not explanation, not validation, no more of my emotional investment.

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

OK.

Holler electronically if you need to vent about something else. :) I'll be here. Possibly with a delay, but I'll be here.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

And, more importantly, I just don't get the impression that anyone or anything is important to her, other than her own needs and feelings. She has not given me sign 1 that she is interested in relating to me as a feeling being with desires of my own.

I keep wanting to relate to her as if she's a person, and keep on trying to understand and be understood, and this is not a sane or rational approach for me. As with other Emotional Manippulators in my life, I get so caught up in Teh Unfairness and Teh Misunderstandingz and I want so very very much to reach a place of fairness and understanding that I keep on trying...when the other person is not in the LEAST bit interested in trying, and has given me more than one indication of that....this is a person who is invested in being the Helpless Victim. This is a person who wants what she wants and she will do whatever she can to manipulate people into doing and giving what she wants. This is not a person to be spoken or explained to, because understanding and mutual respect are not in her interests.

I've met this sort of person before and it always, always ended badly. Emotional investment must be finished with now. I am never going to get what I want from this person. She will never hear or respect me. It just makes me sad and angry and frustrated.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

I probably should not have been the one to tell her, but I went ahead and sent her email today, with the profanity edited out, with my sample apology as a better example of what to do next time someone calls her on violating a boundary and hurting feelings. Save that "reasons and rationalizations" for youf fucking therapist, cupcake.

Anyway...like I said, I should not have... I don't owe her anything, any more attempts at understanding, nothing. But...on the off chance that she was raised extremely poorly and was never taught to have consideration for the feelings of others or how to apologize, I went ahead and sent it.

bleh.

done. I just want to be done.