Why, yes, I do look like the shithead here, don't I?

[evile]

I blew up, I freaked out, I got mad, I'm the bad guy. It's all on me. Aren't I the unreasonable bitch? Aren't they just the innocent wounded parties having to deal with the sicko crazy woman. Poor poor little victims. Soooo mistweated and misunderstood. So sad.

What I find most interesting about interacting with emotional manipulators is how they can push past your bounaries til you blow up, then step back and play the oh so reasonable and noble hurt party. This is a game I do not play well. Especially not when I'm recovering from fricken emergency eye surgery.

Comments

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

*hug*

If the boundaries were described before they were violated, then doing that to someone in the midst of a health crisis? Ick. Just, ick.

And, well, someone in a crisis is going to have a shorter fuse, and anyone incapable of taking that into account doesn't deserve to be exchanging oxygen in the same atmosphere as you. (OK, that was gross (as in, large, not as in ewwwww) hyperbole. But I felt righteous when I was typing it.)

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

Thanks for getting my back. I am working on creating this 'bubble of calm'...completely independent of what anyone else thinks of me or wants from me. I don't 'owe' anyone anything more than I've already said/given. It irks me to be misunderstood and mistreated after I feel I've tried VERY hard to be understood and explain how I prefer to be treated, but that's not their problem. If I say "don't poke me in the eye" and someone pokes me in the eye and proceeds to tell me WHY they poked me in the eye, I'm the dumbshit if I hang around for more poking.

No thanks.

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

That sounds distressingly close to the sort of situation where I'd eventually be saying, "What part of NO didn't you understand? Was it the 'N' or the 'O'?"

I'm sorry about this shit. :(

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

It will get better.

The important relationship here is not the one between me and the manipulator. The important relationship here is between me and Thax, and we both need to work on better, healthier ways to speak to one another and be understood by one another. We are commited to that.

At some point down the road perhaps I will be thankful to the emotional manipulator for breaking open this wound and allowing Thax and I to begin to heal it. I didn't create his shut down/avoidant tendencies. He didn't create my tendencies to tell myself that I'm worthless and my feelings and desires are invalid and stuff them away until I blow up in a giant mess of insecurity and anger and abandonment issues. We didn't make each other codependent, we just found each other this way and for a time our baggage was a really comfortable matched set. We can unlearn these things and do better by each other. I am commited to that. He is committed to that.

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

I'm glad y'all are using this to help yourselves and each other, and not letting it ruin things.

And, "It will get better." Good for you to be stating this. :)