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Cheap Trick no. 55 Love is war: Arming yourself against "Love Bombers"
There are men and women out there ready to con you and break your
heart without a second thought. Given the chance, they will use your
kindness and affection against you, taking advantage of your love and
your assets. It's hard to believe that you might fall head over heels
for someone who has intentions of hurting you, but the truth is that
it happens all the time.
The people who use your love to get what they want from you are
called "love bombers." Before they get you in their clutches, they
shower you with love and affection, but once they have you enmeshed
in their webs, their black-widow natures emerge.
This trick is not geared toward getting away once you have been
caught; the CPT will help you spot these manipulators and avoid
getting involved with them. If you think you may be dating a "love
bomber," ask yourself the following questions.
* Do your friends like him or her? Almost 100 percent of the time,
your friends will hate this guy or gal, but they may not feel
comfortable warning you. When you are in the initial throes of love,
it's very difficult for friends to tell you anything negative about
your new paramour. And if they did try to warn you, the chances are
good that you would not listen.
* Does the new person you're dating like your friends? Almost 100
percent of the time, the romantic con will not like your friends. In
fact, this type of person will try to turn you against your friends;
although too subtle to say anything directly, the romantic con will
lace his or her conversation with innuendo designed to sour your
friendships.
* Does this new person in your life encourage you to spend time with
your family and friends? A true romantic con will expend great effort
to separate you from your friends, family, children, loved ones--
anyone who is important to you. In fact, this question is probably
the most important one to ask about your relationship. The con wants
to isolate you from anyone who can help you clear your head or act as
an objective listener. Remember: the con divides and conquers,
all "in the name of love."
* Do you know where your partner's money comes from? A con willl
likely show you cash, but you'll probably never know where it comes
from. If you ask for an explanation, you will most likely hear long
tales of sounds-too-good-to-be-true investments. The con is trying to
impress you with cash independence. "Love bombers" want to convince
you that they have all the resources you need--that you don't need
anyone else but them. Once again, the old fence-you-off, divide-and-
conquer, reel-you-in and control-you master plan is at work. But
gradually the money will begin to come from you. As soon as romantic
cons realize that their very expensive psychological tricks are
working, they will start spending more time away from you. They are
already scouting around for teh next mark, just in case you wake up
and cut them off from your money.
* Is he or she willing to supply you with details you can verify?
Romantic cons avoid describing their pasts or their personal lives;
they rarely provide details that you could verify or introduce you to
their friends and relatives. They want you to know very little about
their past because it is checkered with people (like you) whom they
have manipulated. Chances are you're not the first.
* Does your partner have any areas of expertise? Romantic cons always
try to dazzle you with who, what, and how much they know. It may look
like they know a great deal, but if you look deeper you will probably
discover that they only know a few trivial facts about many subjects.
Cons talk a lot but actually say very little.
* Is it hard to predect whether your partner will show you affection,
verbally chastise you, or physically attack you? This sort of
confusion, part of the con's master plan, is designed to act on you
the way brainwashing works on prisoners of war. The more confused you
are about the relationship, the more you may feel your partner needs
you. In the beginning your relationship will be marked by "love
bombing"--love at every turn. Gradually, verbal abuse will creep in
among the declarations of love. Physical assault is often the next
step, but you may be tempted to stay because there is love between
you.
What's the cheap psychological trick: Learn to recognize the warning
signs early, talk about your suspicions with people you trust, and
then RUN, don't walk, away from romantic cons.
REFERENCES:
Carson, R.C., J.N. Butcher, and S. Mineka. Abnormal Psychology and
Modern Life. New York: HarperCollins, 1996.
Cleckley, H. The Mask of Sanity (4th ed.). St. Louis: Mosby, 1964.
============
The above quote taken from:
Cheap Psychological Tricks: What to do when hard work, honesty, and
perseverance fail by Perry W. Buffington, Ph.D. Atlanta: Peachtree
Publishers Ltd, 1996.
heart without a second thought. Given the chance, they will use your
kindness and affection against you, taking advantage of your love and
your assets. It's hard to believe that you might fall head over heels
for someone who has intentions of hurting you, but the truth is that
it happens all the time.
The people who use your love to get what they want from you are
called "love bombers." Before they get you in their clutches, they
shower you with love and affection, but once they have you enmeshed
in their webs, their black-widow natures emerge.
This trick is not geared toward getting away once you have been
caught; the CPT will help you spot these manipulators and avoid
getting involved with them. If you think you may be dating a "love
bomber," ask yourself the following questions.
* Do your friends like him or her? Almost 100 percent of the time,
your friends will hate this guy or gal, but they may not feel
comfortable warning you. When you are in the initial throes of love,
it's very difficult for friends to tell you anything negative about
your new paramour. And if they did try to warn you, the chances are
good that you would not listen.
* Does the new person you're dating like your friends? Almost 100
percent of the time, the romantic con will not like your friends. In
fact, this type of person will try to turn you against your friends;
although too subtle to say anything directly, the romantic con will
lace his or her conversation with innuendo designed to sour your
friendships.
* Does this new person in your life encourage you to spend time with
your family and friends? A true romantic con will expend great effort
to separate you from your friends, family, children, loved ones--
anyone who is important to you. In fact, this question is probably
the most important one to ask about your relationship. The con wants
to isolate you from anyone who can help you clear your head or act as
an objective listener. Remember: the con divides and conquers,
all "in the name of love."
* Do you know where your partner's money comes from? A con willl
likely show you cash, but you'll probably never know where it comes
from. If you ask for an explanation, you will most likely hear long
tales of sounds-too-good-to-be-true investments. The con is trying to
impress you with cash independence. "Love bombers" want to convince
you that they have all the resources you need--that you don't need
anyone else but them. Once again, the old fence-you-off, divide-and-
conquer, reel-you-in and control-you master plan is at work. But
gradually the money will begin to come from you. As soon as romantic
cons realize that their very expensive psychological tricks are
working, they will start spending more time away from you. They are
already scouting around for teh next mark, just in case you wake up
and cut them off from your money.
* Is he or she willing to supply you with details you can verify?
Romantic cons avoid describing their pasts or their personal lives;
they rarely provide details that you could verify or introduce you to
their friends and relatives. They want you to know very little about
their past because it is checkered with people (like you) whom they
have manipulated. Chances are you're not the first.
* Does your partner have any areas of expertise? Romantic cons always
try to dazzle you with who, what, and how much they know. It may look
like they know a great deal, but if you look deeper you will probably
discover that they only know a few trivial facts about many subjects.
Cons talk a lot but actually say very little.
* Is it hard to predect whether your partner will show you affection,
verbally chastise you, or physically attack you? This sort of
confusion, part of the con's master plan, is designed to act on you
the way brainwashing works on prisoners of war. The more confused you
are about the relationship, the more you may feel your partner needs
you. In the beginning your relationship will be marked by "love
bombing"--love at every turn. Gradually, verbal abuse will creep in
among the declarations of love. Physical assault is often the next
step, but you may be tempted to stay because there is love between
you.
What's the cheap psychological trick: Learn to recognize the warning
signs early, talk about your suspicions with people you trust, and
then RUN, don't walk, away from romantic cons.
REFERENCES:
Carson, R.C., J.N. Butcher, and S. Mineka. Abnormal Psychology and
Modern Life. New York: HarperCollins, 1996.
Cleckley, H. The Mask of Sanity (4th ed.). St. Louis: Mosby, 1964.
============
The above quote taken from:
Cheap Psychological Tricks: What to do when hard work, honesty, and
perseverance fail by Perry W. Buffington, Ph.D. Atlanta: Peachtree
Publishers Ltd, 1996.